Hope’s Story – Guest Post.

13 Oct

This is a personal story from a guest blogger, Hope @Celtic_Wolf_92
If you’d like to make a guest post please email left_alone@hotmail.co.uk

I was never one of the popular kids in my class though I did have a small group of friends and a best friend and that was enough to get me through the school year. In year 5, when I was about 9 years old, I had a major falling out with my best friend and we completely stopped talking to one another. The next thing I knew, I was getting verbally and mentally bullied by her. She would call me names such as ugly, stupid, fat, loner etc. She’d go out of her way to publicly humiliate me in front of the class so they would go against me. I went from having a few friends to none and I would spend my time on the playground on my own reading or walking around. She also manipulated other students in the class to physically bully me as well so I started getting shoved and pushed on the playground and tripped in the corridors. I even remember one incident, back when Yu-Gi-Oh! cards were popular, the girl who physically bullied me dug her long, sharp nails in my arm until I gave my cards to her. Once she looked through them, she threw them on the ground for me to pick up.

Not only was I getting bullied in school, I was getting bullied at home by my own father, mentally and emotionally. He was repeating things the school bullies said to me so I started to believe that they were true. I began to bottle things up and walked on eggshells around his violent temper so I became a people pleaser without any regards to my own health, which really wasn’t good for me. The school bullying mainly ended halfway through year 6, I had made up with my best friend though we didn’t become really close again. Even though the bullying stopped, I was still unpopular and still a victim for the class to tease.

When I hit high school, I became the major victim for class humiliation, rumours were spread around about me and people would write nasty things on the bathroom walls on whatnot. I remember once that my group of so-called friends were bugging me to tell them if I liked anyone. I made the mistake of confessing about my first crush and they said they would talk to him for me. I was nervous and excited so I let them. They came back to me saying that he had said yes to going out with me, I couldn’t believe it. I was giddy and nervous because this was my very first crush. However, for the rest of the day, he avoided me at all costs and completely ignored me which I was thought was strange. I put it down to him being shy. I tried everything to get him to react but nothing. After that day, it was half term and I tried again to get in contact with him and talk with my friends who talked to him for me but I got no answer. Once I got back to school, my friends confessed that he had actually said no and they told me he said yes because they thought it would be ‘funny’. My soul shattered and my heart felt like it was being ripped in two. I became emotionally numb until I was alone, to which I cried myself to sleep that night.

When I finally moved away from that school to a different city, my ex-best friend went out of her way to threaten and bully me through the internet though she claimed her account was hacked. I started to feel unsafe in my own home and felt scared when I had to use the computer for schoolwork. I felt so worthless and useless at the thought of someone going out of their way to do this to me.

Even when the bullying completely stopped, the long term affects still raged on and they still do today. I suffered with depression and bottle all my emotions up. I became like a robot; always willing to help others but pushing aside my own emotions because I thought I had no right to feel this way. Bullying, along with other problems at home also led me to self harm and starving myself because of the things that were said to me. The words haunted me all the time and began to hate myself. I’ve only recently finished counselling because I was scared about sharing my feelings so it took me this long to get help. Soon enough, I began to realize that I wasn’t alone and that I am important and that I have the right to feelings. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words haunt you. Words have incredible power over someone’s mind but you can get help. I’m living proof of that.

This is my story

Hope

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