Memories.

17 May

Today i went to pick my friend up from the school that i went to, i’ve never felt so sad before, all the memories just came flooding back to me, i had tears in my eyes, just thinking about how much pain that place gave me.

I’m still so upset, i can’t think of any positives that the school gave me, everything i went through there made me so ill. That is where i started self harming, that is where i walked out to go to the nearest bridge to jump off but my mum got called to come and get me.
They didn’t know what i was planning, they just saw me walk out early and got worried, so they called my Mum to get me.

That place was a horrible place, with horrible memories, and horrible people. 

It didn’t just make me sad, it made me angry too, thinking about all of the teachers there that ‘cared’ about me, well that didn’t last long, as soon as i left, they stopped caring, never called me, never asked about me ever again.
I actually went back inside today, to see if teachers asked how i was etc, but no, nothing just hi, that’s it.

I wish i could write the school a letter, tell them everything i went through during my time there, how i am now, how i can never wear short sleeves again, how i have ended up in hospital a few times due to suicide attempts. They don’t know this is all because of what i went through in their school. They don’t know who else could be going through the same things that i went through in the school. I don’t want anyone else to go through this, in that school, or in ANY school, workplace or ANYWHERE, because don’t you know, bullying doesn’t just happen to young people, it can happen to anyone, any age, any race, any religion etc. 

I hope you like this post, i just tell the truth, i’m no one special, just someone who wants to make a difference and be heard.
Nobody should go through this.


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2 Responses to “Memories.”

  1. theglitteringdarkbird May 19, 2013 at 12:30 pm #

    Hey. I wasn’t sure if ‘liking’ the post was really what I meant, so I thought I would leave you a comment. I used to have a similar visceral reaction when I see my school again. It brought back a flood of memories I’ve buried and (which is almost worse) transported me straight back to being the frightened girl of fifteen. It still does, a bit, but I’ve learned to manage it over time (it’s now more than ten years since I left).

    You’re right that nobody should go through it, but there are other people who feel (or have felt) exactly like you do. It can and will get better, although it may be a slow process. Just a thought, but perhaps writing the letter (but not sending it) might actually make you feel better. One of the reasons I blog is because writing about things helps to draw the sting of them a bit, and to sort them out in my head. Take care of yourself. x

    • hiddenbeth June 4, 2013 at 1:12 pm #

      Thank you for your comment!
      Yes i have been told to write the letter but not send it a few times, it’s a good idea, i just really wish i could let the school know what i’ve been through because they couldn’t be bothered to stop it.
      Thanks again! xx

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