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Frame Of Mind

26 Feb

Hi Guys!
I hope you are all ok!

So as you all know i’m in University training to become a nurse, very exciting and quite far in to year 1 of training already!
I thought it would be ok, and it is, most of the time, especially when i am on placements, it’s fine.
But.. when i am in University there is something wrong, and i don’t know what, i keep having panic attacks, it feels to me like i’m still in the frame of mind of being in a school, because of what happened to me in school i feel the same here. There is no issues of bullying at all but i feel absolutely terrified all the time.

I am so disappointed, i thought i could do this, i thought i was better, but now i’m just going downhill with my anxiety.

I have informed my personal tutor to try and get some support.
I feel like crying knowing that these people from my past have so much affect on my life even now!

Thanks for reading ❤


New Start

6 Sep

I have some news 🙂

I started college this week, i was so nervous, i didn’t know anyone, i’ve never been there before so i didn’t know my way around etc,

I can’t let the people in my past control my future, i want to have a job and a life, and i have to make a new start to be able to do that, i’m not going to be able to forget what happened to me, but i just have to stop letting it control me.
So i’ve started college, on a course that i want to do, something that i’m interested in and something that i want to work in, and i’m going to work so hard, and try my best, my concentration and memory is still terrible due to my mental health but i can only try!
The college has a lot of support services aswell, i’m going to look at seeing a counsellor just so i can get a bit of extra support and talk about my worries etc.

My first day was so scary, but i made it!
If i can do it, you can do it too!
Be strong!

“Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”

Stay Strong, you’re so important and you can make it through this ❤
Love Beth xoxo

new day

So Glad I Did This.

17 Oct


So a few weeks ago i started a course, it’s in Careers Wales, i’m so glad i started it! It’s only a small group which is great for me, i was scared at first but it’s great now, the people that run the course are so lovely and so supportive. We finish the course in a few weeks though and go onto work placement, i don’t want to leave now. All of the people on the course are nice too 🙂
On Monday we went on a trip to an outdoor activity centre, i did the ‘leap of faith’, it was scary but i couldn’t wait to do it! I had an amazing day and it was the best day i have had in a very long time!
I can’t wait to start work placement, i’m nervous but excited at the same time.

I feel much more confident now, so thank you to everyone that has helped me!

Stay Strong ❤

It’s A Journey.

20 Mar

On Monday i went to the doctors and i was put on propranolol to help control my anxiety. I was so worried about this course i was starting that i had to have something to calm me down, i was crying just thinking about starting this course, thinking of everything that could go wrong which is what i always do, which hopefully the medication can help me with over time.
The propranolol doesn’t seem to be working yet, but i hope it’ll have more of an affect after taking it for a while.

Today was the first day of the course, i got on quite well with one of the girls, but the others didn’t seem to take a ‘liking’ to me just yet, but maybe they’ll get to know me a bit more over time. I’m not even on this course for long.

I’m going to keep you guys updated because i’ve been asked to, and because i want to show people that you can move on, like me! 🙂

I’ll get better, and i’ll prove the bullies wrong.
Everything is going to be okay.

“Everything will be okay in the end, if it’s not okay it’s not the end”

One Big Step.

18 Mar

Next week i have to take the biggest step i’ve taken for a while, i’m starting a course to get training for a job.
Just thinking about it makes me want to cry because i am so nervous!
I don’t even know if i’ll be able to go at the moment because my anxiety is so bad. I’ll just burst out crying when i get there otherwise.

I am comfortable with the place where the course is because i have been there before, but i don’t know the people. If there is someone there that i know i will be fine, but there probably wont be.

I was hoping to get some medication to control my anxiety before i go, does anyone know of anything that would help?

I really want to do this course but i am just so scared of other people because of what happened when i was in school, i know that it wont be the same as school but there could still be horrible people and that’s what i’m scared of.
I don’t want to carry on like i am anymore because i’m tired of not doing anything because of how people have treated me. I want to prove the people wrong, and show them that i am going to make something out of myself, and i am going to get somewhere in life, even though they did try to stop me.
They carry on their lives like nothing happened and they forget about me, i want to carry on my life and try to forget about them, i know i probably will never fully forget about them, but i want to try.

I just really hope that the other people don’t judge me like people in school did. Yes i am quiet but the more i get to know you the louder i become.

This is such a massive step for me if i do actually do it!