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Every Moment Matters

31 Jan

Hi Guys.. It’s been a while!!

Thought i’d do an update so you guys know how i’m getting on 🙂

 

There’s a lot to update on.. so here we go..

I am so happy, that’s right, i, me, i never thought i could be this happy, i am so lucky. I am so lucky because i have come so far and i have made it this far, not on my own, with the support of you guys, my family, my friends, the people around me, i have made it through a lot of bad stuff as you guys know, and do you know what, i don’t regret anything i have done or been through as it has made me who i am today.

I am still working as a support worker with the elderly, i love my job, yes it is stressful and demanding in all ways, but i still love it, i work for the moment of happiness i can give people, and i work to put a smile on their faces. I went to a lady the other evening and she wanted to get into bed, i assisted her with this, and do you know what she said to me.. she said ‘why can’t they all be like you’ and then the tears came, she said that about me!! I couldn’t believe it!! I gave her a big hug.

I am in a very happy relationship, i am living with him now, i am so in love, he treats me so well and is so supportive of me, i am so lucky in all ways.

I believe that everything that happened tested me, and i nearly gave in, but i made it through it all, and i am so glad i did.
Thank you so much for reading this! 🙂

STAY STRONG! ❤
Beth

It’s okay to be a glowstick, sometimes we need to break before we shine.

Faded The View Of Myself

3 Aug

Hi guys!

I just wanted to post about life after bullying, obviously this can vary depending on everyone’s different experiences but I just wanted to make people realise the affects of bullying, not only are there serious effects on the person during the bullying but this could affect the individuals future after the bullying too!

I would love to one day forget all those nasty words that were said, but I am still living in the picture they painted of me, that ugly, fat girl. I often cry when I look at myself in the mirror as I am disgusted with what I see standing in front of me. The bullies have faded the view I have of myself, 4 years on and I’m still struggling.

My low self esteem affects me everyday, I just want to feel pretty and good enough for myself but I can’t see that ever happening, I am so unhappy with the way I look. My boyfriend is very good and supportive with me, he tells me I am beautiful but I just can’t see it, I feel so ugly all the time, and I have to admit I take a lot of pictures of myself to try and make myself feel pretty, and to try to say to myself ‘oh that’s a good picture of me’ but I just don’t see myself anything other than ugly.

It’s horrible to think that’s it’s been 4 years since I left school and I’m still letting it affect my life, but those years of bullying have really affected me and probably always will in some way!

Sorry for the negative post guys ❤️

Life Is Beautiful.

13 Jan

“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one” – this is one of my favourite quotes and i believe in it 100%. Although you may never be able to fully forget something that is in the past, you can at least learn to live knowing that it happened but, at the same time, stop letting it control your life.

Life is never going to be easy, there are always going to be ups and downs, but you just have to take the bad with the good, and remember things always get better, maybe not straight away, but eventually.

Sadly there are some nasty people in the World, but there are also plently more lovely people.

If you don’t believe that things are going to get better, just please believe me, i used to think that, but now, life is amazing and beautiful, it just takes a while to see that after going through difficult times.

If you ever need a chat, there are so many helplines out there, but also, you can drop me an email – missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk

Smiles, hugs and good wishes to you all,
Beth xxxx

The Sun Will Shine Again.

18 Dec

I know at times the World can seem horrible and it seems like you are in this alone but please believe me, things can change.

One of my favourite quotes is “Darkness only exists so you can see the stars shine”, i used to have a diary that i’d write in or just read when i was feeling low, it wasn’t a proper diary, it was full of quotes that i liked and that meant something to me, this being one of them.
It can seem like everyone is against you and there is no one out there who really cares, but really there is, and most of them still keep their eye out for me now, whether that be on twitter or on this blog, they like to hear from me and know that i am doing well, and you know, that feels great, knowing that they’ve been there through my low and dark moments, but that they are also here with me through my higher moments too! I know things aren’t always going to be good everyday but you just have to look for the bits that are good in each and every day.

All of you people who read this blog have seen my posts when i may not of been in a very good place, but now i’ve turned things around, one day i just decided that it’s my life, and i can do what i want, why should those people who made my life miserable continue to even when they aren’t around me anymore.. i’m not in school anymore so why carry on the emotional pain? Why should they have control over how i feel and over what i do with the rest of my life? It may sound easy, it wasn’t, it was such a hard decision to make, to just stop letting this pain take control of my life, to actually get out of the house and to socialise, which is still so VERY SCARY!
I may not be 100% better but i’m on my way there, i’m happier, and guess what, i don’t self harm anymore either! That was one of the hardest things, trying to stop an addiction, because it is an addiction, whether people agree with me or not, it’s an addiction just like being addicted to drugs, you think about it all the time, you need it all the time.

My mental health is still not great, my medication gets changed regularly until they can find something that actually works, i’ve lost count of how many different medications i’ve been on now, but it’s all just part of my journey 🙂

I’m not angry at those who put me through what they did, i’m glad i went through it, it has made me stronger and more aware of other people and how they could be feeling, it has made me want to help others and do more to help stop bullying and those who might be going through it.

If i can ever be of any help to anyone please just let me know, and please, stay strong
@Hidden_Beth
missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk

Let Me Forget.

25 Nov


You think you know the affects of bullying?

I wish i could just forget everything that has happened to me, I struggle so much because of what happened, the problems i have started because of the bullying.

My mental health is not great at the moment, sometimes i’ll cry for no reason, and i’m on edge most of the time, i struggle with relationships, i find it hard to make new friends, i can’t go a day without thinking of suicide, i’ve been self harming for a very long time.
The way i see myself is horrible, i can hardly look in a mirror, i just want to cry when i see myself, i feel so fat and ugly because that’s what i’ve been told i am. I feel self concious all of the time, i feel people are always looking at me, and i think they’re looking at me because i’m so ugly and fat. I think that nobody can love me because of all the problems i have and because of the way i look.
I have trust issues, it takes me a while to build up my trust and then it can be broken down so quickly by little things because the littlest things affect me so much.

”I can make it through the rain, i can stand up once again”

I’d love to be able to tell my story, i told my story to the Welsh Government and i’d love to be able to do more things like that.
Please help me get my voice heard.
@Hidden_Beth

One Big Step.

18 Mar

Next week i have to take the biggest step i’ve taken for a while, i’m starting a course to get training for a job.
Just thinking about it makes me want to cry because i am so nervous!
I don’t even know if i’ll be able to go at the moment because my anxiety is so bad. I’ll just burst out crying when i get there otherwise.

I am comfortable with the place where the course is because i have been there before, but i don’t know the people. If there is someone there that i know i will be fine, but there probably wont be.

I was hoping to get some medication to control my anxiety before i go, does anyone know of anything that would help?

I really want to do this course but i am just so scared of other people because of what happened when i was in school, i know that it wont be the same as school but there could still be horrible people and that’s what i’m scared of.
I don’t want to carry on like i am anymore because i’m tired of not doing anything because of how people have treated me. I want to prove the people wrong, and show them that i am going to make something out of myself, and i am going to get somewhere in life, even though they did try to stop me.
They carry on their lives like nothing happened and they forget about me, i want to carry on my life and try to forget about them, i know i probably will never fully forget about them, but i want to try.

I just really hope that the other people don’t judge me like people in school did. Yes i am quiet but the more i get to know you the louder i become.

This is such a massive step for me if i do actually do it!

We Will Not Be Silenced.

27 Jan

We will stand together to fight bullying and we will NEVER be silenced.
You can try and break us down but this just makes us stronger.
We will stand together and fight you together, we won’t stop until bullying is finally stopped. We refuse to be beaten.

We can forget what you did, forget what you said, but we will never forget how you made us feel.

(Click on the picture to make it bigger)

Thank you to every single person who was involved in this post, and to everyone who helped.

Together we can and WILL end bullying.
Words hurt.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way.
Stay Strong.

Stay Strong.

6 Jan

One day you’ll get away from the bullies, you may always remember what they have done to you but one day it will finally stop.
Prove to them that they can’t break you and make them realise they can’t do this to people.
You’re so much better than them, and i don’t understand why someone would want to hurt people so much but this will make you stronger because it is a hard journey and you have to learn how to cope in horrible situations, you have to pretend that they didn’t hurt you when they did, and it’s hard.

I made a lot of new friends from being bullied by making this blog, and by making my twitter, if i wasn’t bullied i wouldn’t of met some amazing people.

“Bullies didn’t break me, they made me stronger”

You can fight them, stay strong and believe in yourself.

If only.

16 Sep

I can forgive but I will never forget.

I just wanted to be accepted and I wanted to feel like I had a reason to be alive.
I just wanted to feel important for once.

Forget & Forgive

31 Aug

I can forget what you did, and I forget what you said but I will never forgive how you made me feel.

You took my childhood away, and I’ll never be able to get that back.
I just wanted to live a normal life. I just wanted to be accepted.
I wish I could turn back time and try again.