Archive | Future RSS feed for this section

Every Moment Matters

31 Jan

Hi Guys.. It’s been a while!!

Thought i’d do an update so you guys know how i’m getting on 🙂

 

There’s a lot to update on.. so here we go..

I am so happy, that’s right, i, me, i never thought i could be this happy, i am so lucky. I am so lucky because i have come so far and i have made it this far, not on my own, with the support of you guys, my family, my friends, the people around me, i have made it through a lot of bad stuff as you guys know, and do you know what, i don’t regret anything i have done or been through as it has made me who i am today.

I am still working as a support worker with the elderly, i love my job, yes it is stressful and demanding in all ways, but i still love it, i work for the moment of happiness i can give people, and i work to put a smile on their faces. I went to a lady the other evening and she wanted to get into bed, i assisted her with this, and do you know what she said to me.. she said ‘why can’t they all be like you’ and then the tears came, she said that about me!! I couldn’t believe it!! I gave her a big hug.

I am in a very happy relationship, i am living with him now, i am so in love, he treats me so well and is so supportive of me, i am so lucky in all ways.

I believe that everything that happened tested me, and i nearly gave in, but i made it through it all, and i am so glad i did.
Thank you so much for reading this! 🙂

STAY STRONG! ❤
Beth

It’s okay to be a glowstick, sometimes we need to break before we shine.

Advertisements

Faded The View Of Myself

3 Aug

Hi guys!

I just wanted to post about life after bullying, obviously this can vary depending on everyone’s different experiences but I just wanted to make people realise the affects of bullying, not only are there serious effects on the person during the bullying but this could affect the individuals future after the bullying too!

I would love to one day forget all those nasty words that were said, but I am still living in the picture they painted of me, that ugly, fat girl. I often cry when I look at myself in the mirror as I am disgusted with what I see standing in front of me. The bullies have faded the view I have of myself, 4 years on and I’m still struggling.

My low self esteem affects me everyday, I just want to feel pretty and good enough for myself but I can’t see that ever happening, I am so unhappy with the way I look. My boyfriend is very good and supportive with me, he tells me I am beautiful but I just can’t see it, I feel so ugly all the time, and I have to admit I take a lot of pictures of myself to try and make myself feel pretty, and to try to say to myself ‘oh that’s a good picture of me’ but I just don’t see myself anything other than ugly.

It’s horrible to think that’s it’s been 4 years since I left school and I’m still letting it affect my life, but those years of bullying have really affected me and probably always will in some way!

Sorry for the negative post guys ❤️

Born To Care

14 Jul

2 years is a long time but it has gone so quick in my Job as a support worker with the elderly, and I must say I still absolutely love it. It is such a rewarding job, I have grown in confidence since I started there, I find it funny talking to one of the residents, he used to name me ‘the quiet one’, but a few days ago he said ‘you aren’t the quiet one anymore’ because I have come out of my shell and have grown as an individual.

The job role varies, we assist with medication, personal care, shopping, end of life care and just the individuals day to day lives. We have people with learning disability and mental illness, we have been hit, screamed at, kicked at, but we do this job because.. Well.. We care! This job isn’t for everyone, a lot of people say they don’t know how we can do it, but we love what we do

Unfortunately they have decided to drop our wages and I won’t be able to afford to stay in this job anymore, which is so sad because I love it where I am, and I really don’t want to leave, but unfortunately health care is a very poorly paid job! I’ll keep hold of all the memories and hopefully continue to grow as an individual in another job.

Nobody can hurt you without your permission.

21 Feb

Hey guys!
It’s been a long time since i’ve posted so this one is very much needed!
I hope you’re all doing okay, i’m sorry i’ve been so quiet, just been really busy with college! I am always here though, if you ever want me or need me, i’m only a message away ♥

I just wanted to write a post with a bit of advice really to those readers who may still be being bullied, or those who are still struggling with the bullying that was in their past.

I know how hard it is to get those comments, and how hard it is to get up everyday just knowing what you are going to have to put up with today, how hard it is to see those people who bully you, how much anger you have for them. Believe me though when i say this, in the future you will be thankful that they put you through what they did, because what they are doing is only making you stronger, and i know this may sound absolutely stupid, but take it from someone who has been there. You may feel so low and so sensitive, but when you come out of this, when all this finally stops, you will be so much stronger, and you will be such a good person, if you let yourself be. You’ve been through this pain, you can say “i don’t want anyone else to go through that” and you can be such a kind person, not judge anyone and not say a bad word to or about anyone, i know right now you won’t be able to see any positive in what you are going through, what you are going through shouldn’t be happening, and more needs to be done to stop it.

Those names they call you, they aren’t true, you’re beautiful, everyone is beautiful, everyone is unique, don’t listen to what they have to say, do they even know you? Have they been your friend, do they know what you are like? Or have they just judged you and decided it would be fun to make your life miserable? I still don’t understand how these people can do this, i mean.. why would you want to call somebody names so that they feel so bad about themselves that they want to change.. they don’t feel good enough for anyone anymore.. i just don’t get it.. I know people say it’s because they have their own problems or that they have low confidence about themselves but.. no i still don’t understand,

Believe me when i say you are good enough, you deserve to be happy, you deserve a great future full of happiness and nothing like this. I know it’s hard at the moment, but things get better, and i really do mean that! I’ve been in your shoes, i’ve been so low that i didn’t want to be alive, i’ve starved myself because these people told me i was fat, so i needed to change right? WRONG! We don’t need to change ourselves, these people will never like us and will never be our friends, so why should we change ourselves for them? We’re great just the way we are, and anyway.. nobody is perfect, not even them!

Just remember guys, you do matter and you are so important!
And things will get better, the future is bright although you may not be able to see the light yet ♥

I’m always thinking of you guys, and i’m only a message away,
Stay Strong,
Beth xxxx

The Sun Will Shine Again.

18 Dec

I know at times the World can seem horrible and it seems like you are in this alone but please believe me, things can change.

One of my favourite quotes is “Darkness only exists so you can see the stars shine”, i used to have a diary that i’d write in or just read when i was feeling low, it wasn’t a proper diary, it was full of quotes that i liked and that meant something to me, this being one of them.
It can seem like everyone is against you and there is no one out there who really cares, but really there is, and most of them still keep their eye out for me now, whether that be on twitter or on this blog, they like to hear from me and know that i am doing well, and you know, that feels great, knowing that they’ve been there through my low and dark moments, but that they are also here with me through my higher moments too! I know things aren’t always going to be good everyday but you just have to look for the bits that are good in each and every day.

All of you people who read this blog have seen my posts when i may not of been in a very good place, but now i’ve turned things around, one day i just decided that it’s my life, and i can do what i want, why should those people who made my life miserable continue to even when they aren’t around me anymore.. i’m not in school anymore so why carry on the emotional pain? Why should they have control over how i feel and over what i do with the rest of my life? It may sound easy, it wasn’t, it was such a hard decision to make, to just stop letting this pain take control of my life, to actually get out of the house and to socialise, which is still so VERY SCARY!
I may not be 100% better but i’m on my way there, i’m happier, and guess what, i don’t self harm anymore either! That was one of the hardest things, trying to stop an addiction, because it is an addiction, whether people agree with me or not, it’s an addiction just like being addicted to drugs, you think about it all the time, you need it all the time.

My mental health is still not great, my medication gets changed regularly until they can find something that actually works, i’ve lost count of how many different medications i’ve been on now, but it’s all just part of my journey 🙂

I’m not angry at those who put me through what they did, i’m glad i went through it, it has made me stronger and more aware of other people and how they could be feeling, it has made me want to help others and do more to help stop bullying and those who might be going through it.

If i can ever be of any help to anyone please just let me know, and please, stay strong
@Hidden_Beth
missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk

New Start

6 Sep

I have some news 🙂

I started college this week, i was so nervous, i didn’t know anyone, i’ve never been there before so i didn’t know my way around etc,

I can’t let the people in my past control my future, i want to have a job and a life, and i have to make a new start to be able to do that, i’m not going to be able to forget what happened to me, but i just have to stop letting it control me.
So i’ve started college, on a course that i want to do, something that i’m interested in and something that i want to work in, and i’m going to work so hard, and try my best, my concentration and memory is still terrible due to my mental health but i can only try!
The college has a lot of support services aswell, i’m going to look at seeing a counsellor just so i can get a bit of extra support and talk about my worries etc.

My first day was so scary, but i made it!
If i can do it, you can do it too!
Be strong!

“Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”

Stay Strong, you’re so important and you can make it through this ❤
Love Beth xoxo

new day

We Can Do This!

10 Jul

Thanks to those that got involved in this post!! 🙂

I know it can seem like the whole World is against you and that you are the only person going through the hard times, while everyone else is having a great time, but really.. are they? :/
It can seem like you are the only person who feels how you feel, and you just want to escape, you just want a break away from everything for a while. You are not alone, no matter what you are going through, someone else is going through it, or has been through it too. You have to stay strong, and believe in yourself because YOU CAN DO THIS!!
It may seem that things will never get better, but believe me, they do

Here are a few statistics i found –
1 million people across the globe die by suicide each year. That’s one suicide every 40 seconds. (from samaritans.org)
244,000 people under 19 are carers – about 23,000 are under nine. (from bbc.co.uk)
– The UK has one of the highest rates of self harm in Europe, at 400 per 100,000 population. (Self-poisoning and self-injury in adults, Clinical Medicine, 2002)
– Almost half (46%) of children and young people say they have been bullied at school at some point in their lives.

I know its hard, but if we can get through it then anybody can, stay strong, and remember, you can do this!
Stay Strong ❤

we can do this
Thanks for reading!
Beth 😀
xoxo

Feel free to contact me, on email missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk on twitter @Hidden_Beth or the facebook page https://www.facebook.com/UnderneathMyMask

Have You Signed?

9 Nov

Please take a look at this petition by Red Balloon http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/26152

It is so important to have alternative education for people who are being severely bullied, and i just know this would benefit so many people. So many young people are not attending school because of the bullying they encounter, and this affects their view on the future, but if these young people were to go to alternative education and see how different it is from school, and how the people there are different and how they are treated differently this would help them so much, and would help to change their view on the future.

From personal experience, when i wasn’t attending school i got into a cycle of never leaving the house, because i was so scared and so hurt, i didn’t want to see these people who bullied me, and when you get into a cycle its so hard to get out of, i attended school sometimes but my attendance was terrible,  i used to say that i was ill all the time, and when i was in school sadly i had to take something with me that i could use to self harm, and if something happened and somebody said something to me, i’d go to the toilets and cut myself, nobody ever found out. I used to go to school and just think of all the ways i could kill myself while i was there, i knew there was a train track near by, and also a bridge, i couldn’t stop these thoughts and urges, and they stopped me being able to concentrate on my work.

So this petition is very important to me, and i know that if i knew about the Red Balloon Centre’s when i was younger i would of benefited from them so much.
So please do sign this petition, and please share this.

Thank you so much.

Nobody said it was easy.

5 Nov

I’m so nervous! Start work placement this week!
First proper kind of job, i’m just so worried about the other people, that’s all i ever worry about.
I just don’t want to go through the bullying again, my nerves and worries have stopped me doing so much, but this time i’m gona give it a try. If i have any problems i know i can tell someone but i’m going in there telling myself that there aren’t going to be any problems. Everything will be fine.

I’m not letting the bullies stop me, i need to carry on and make something of myself. I carry this little teddy round with me everywhere that i got from somebody very special, so he’ll be travelling with me to work, and i’ll be okay.

Looking forward to this in a way, getting out and meeting people, instead of sitting at home all the time.

Wish me luck and stay strong, don’t let the bullies win, you’re better than them ❤

It’s A Journey.

20 Mar

On Monday i went to the doctors and i was put on propranolol to help control my anxiety. I was so worried about this course i was starting that i had to have something to calm me down, i was crying just thinking about starting this course, thinking of everything that could go wrong which is what i always do, which hopefully the medication can help me with over time.
The propranolol doesn’t seem to be working yet, but i hope it’ll have more of an affect after taking it for a while.

Today was the first day of the course, i got on quite well with one of the girls, but the others didn’t seem to take a ‘liking’ to me just yet, but maybe they’ll get to know me a bit more over time. I’m not even on this course for long.

I’m going to keep you guys updated because i’ve been asked to, and because i want to show people that you can move on, like me! 🙂

I’ll get better, and i’ll prove the bullies wrong.
Everything is going to be okay.

“Everything will be okay in the end, if it’s not okay it’s not the end”