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Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

8 Jun

Hi Guys!

So it has been a very long time since i did a post, i have so much to update you guys on!

It’s strange looking back on how things used to be for me, everything is so different now! Everyone has good and bad days, i do still struggle every now and then but i have so much support behind me!

I am still currently working as a support worker with elderly people, i absolutely love my job, it is hard at times, but i can’t see myself doing any other job, this is so rewarding, just helping these people with their day to day lives. I have been doing this for over 2 years now, and i still love it!

At the moment i am back off my medication, and i am doing OK, up and down but i am managing well. A big struggle for me at the moment is the scarring i have from when i was self harming, if anyone has any advice/guidance on this please let me know, i am terrified of being judged as i had been in school, so i am unsure of what to do other than covering them up, don’t get me wrong, i am not embarrassed of what i did to survive my breakdown, i am proud of the fact i made it through such a dark time! I just know how judgmental people can be unfortunately!

I am currently dating! After splitting up with my last boyfriend after a long time of being together, these things happen, things don’t work out but we just have to carry on, and move on when we are ready! This new guy is so nice, he picks me up when i am down definitely, he tells me i am beautiful, it is so strange as i don’t see myself as beautiful, i have very low self confidence, and i am very self conscious of my body, it is quite hard being in a relationship when you have issues with how you look but.. it is going so well! It is hard when you leave someone, but i wasn’t happy, and i deserve to be happy, everyone deserves to be happy! I am now much happier!

Love and hugs to you all! Keep smiling ❤ 

 

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Nobody can hurt you without your permission.

21 Feb

Hey guys!
It’s been a long time since i’ve posted so this one is very much needed!
I hope you’re all doing okay, i’m sorry i’ve been so quiet, just been really busy with college! I am always here though, if you ever want me or need me, i’m only a message away ♥

I just wanted to write a post with a bit of advice really to those readers who may still be being bullied, or those who are still struggling with the bullying that was in their past.

I know how hard it is to get those comments, and how hard it is to get up everyday just knowing what you are going to have to put up with today, how hard it is to see those people who bully you, how much anger you have for them. Believe me though when i say this, in the future you will be thankful that they put you through what they did, because what they are doing is only making you stronger, and i know this may sound absolutely stupid, but take it from someone who has been there. You may feel so low and so sensitive, but when you come out of this, when all this finally stops, you will be so much stronger, and you will be such a good person, if you let yourself be. You’ve been through this pain, you can say “i don’t want anyone else to go through that” and you can be such a kind person, not judge anyone and not say a bad word to or about anyone, i know right now you won’t be able to see any positive in what you are going through, what you are going through shouldn’t be happening, and more needs to be done to stop it.

Those names they call you, they aren’t true, you’re beautiful, everyone is beautiful, everyone is unique, don’t listen to what they have to say, do they even know you? Have they been your friend, do they know what you are like? Or have they just judged you and decided it would be fun to make your life miserable? I still don’t understand how these people can do this, i mean.. why would you want to call somebody names so that they feel so bad about themselves that they want to change.. they don’t feel good enough for anyone anymore.. i just don’t get it.. I know people say it’s because they have their own problems or that they have low confidence about themselves but.. no i still don’t understand,

Believe me when i say you are good enough, you deserve to be happy, you deserve a great future full of happiness and nothing like this. I know it’s hard at the moment, but things get better, and i really do mean that! I’ve been in your shoes, i’ve been so low that i didn’t want to be alive, i’ve starved myself because these people told me i was fat, so i needed to change right? WRONG! We don’t need to change ourselves, these people will never like us and will never be our friends, so why should we change ourselves for them? We’re great just the way we are, and anyway.. nobody is perfect, not even them!

Just remember guys, you do matter and you are so important!
And things will get better, the future is bright although you may not be able to see the light yet ♥

I’m always thinking of you guys, and i’m only a message away,
Stay Strong,
Beth xxxx

Just Another Teen Trying To Find Her Place In The World.

4 Jun

Hey, can i first just ask everyone to get involved in my next blog post? All you have to do is write on a piece of paper or on your hand –
If you have got through something then right “I got through it”
If you are going through something write “I will get through this” or “I can do this!”, and email them to me so i can insert them into the next post – my email is – missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk or tweet them to me @Hidden_Beth

Please get involved!! And please share!
Something like this ..

webcam-toy-photo56
People ask me what i want to do with my life.. loads of thoughts go through my head, but really, my answer is.. i don’t know, and to be honest, i’m definitely not ready to go into the proper ‘big wide world’ yet.

The ‘big wide world’ seems such a scary place, so many people, so many places, and all i can think of is what if even more people start treating me like i was treated in school again? I know that people will say that i won’t be treated like that, but that’s what the things i’ve been through have done to the way i think, i always think of what could go wrong, always the negatives, and i try so hard to say to myself what they positives are too!

I have a boyfriend.. we’ve been together for about 2 months now.. i love him, he knows what i’ve been through, and he tries to understand, but it’s hard if you haven’t been through it yourself. He calls me beautiful, i just laugh at him, he can’t be talking about me, i’m not beautiful! I’ve been called ugly far too many times and my self confidence has dropped far too much for me to think positively about the way i look.

The problem with me is that i am on edge all of the time, so it’s hard to be in a relationship or a friendship with me, the littlest thing or comment can annoy me and i can get so angry over something tiny! I’m on medication that keeps changing all the time until they get it right, my mood is never stable, i cry over tiny things, i don’t want to be alive, i think the worst of everything.
There is positives too though, although i can’t see things that are beautiful about me, i can see things that are beautiful in others, i don’t judge people, i accept people as they are, i try to help people as much as i can, i’m starting to accept the scars that i have, and sometimes (not very often) i walk around with short sleeves instead of big thick jumpers in summer.

It’s so hard to find your place in this world, and some people may never like you no matter how much you try to change for them to like you, it’s important to realise that the people that accept you as you are, they are the important ones, and they are the ones that deserve your friendship.

You are beautiful, you are strong, you can do this.
Take Care ❤
Feel free to contact me via email – missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk

tiara

What Teachers Have To Say

15 May

Hey!

So the Record Of Achievements is coming up at schools, so people are preparing, and teachers are giving advice on how to behave and how to act, dress etc.

I got told today that one teacher said that they didn’t want anyone self harming before the ROA because it will look bad for the school and the pupil. Now that has upset me so much and made me so angry!
Why should they care more about how the school looks, they should care more about the pupil and getting them help to stop the self harming!

I’m coming from a personal experience, i’ve self harmed for so long, i was self harming when i was in school and i never got the help that i needed, and i still don’t have the right help, but i’m getting through it myself.

I can’t even explain how angry i am hearing that this teacher has said this!

 

ImageI found this picture on google, because people don’t realise how hard it is to get through self harm, how alone it can make you feel, how much of a struggle it is, but we are fighters, and we are strong, and we can beat this addiction.

Please stay strong.
If you have any questions, advice, suggestions or you’d like to talk or anything please feel free to email me missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk
Also, please comment below and let me know what you think! Are you annoyed too by reading this?

Your Questions.

10 Apr

Thank you so much for all of your questions! I hope that these may help someone in some way!

Does bullying happen a lot?/Is it very common?
Yes, i think that everyone is bullied at least once at some point in their life. And most of the time it isn’t reported so we don’t know about it, so i think the statistics of bullying are wrong, because some people don’t speak out about it for various different reasons. It doesn’t just happen in schools, it happens in work places too. And it happens to so many people, wrecks so many people’s lives.

Are some people more likely to be bullied than others?
I hate to say it but yes, it’s completely wrong and shouldn’t happen, but the people that are quiet seem to be targeted, like me, i was so quiet and i still am, and sadly some people don’t try to make friends with the quiet people, when really they could be missing out on a great friendship. But for those of you that are quiet, like me, don’t worry because the people who make the effort to get to know you will be real friends!

Why in the World do some people bully others?
I ask this question a lot, and most people say that it’s because they have their own problems, they may not like themselves and they feel better for making someone else not feel good about themselves, they may want attention, they may do it for their ‘popularity’ – i hate that word, why should you bully someone to look good in someone else’s eyes? Just confuses me so much. You don’t have to make yourself look good to others, if you aren’t ‘good enough’ for someone or for a group of people, then they don’t deserve you!

Why does the bullying so often stay a secret?
I guess sometimes the person who is being bullied may be scared to tell someone incase that person you told spoke to the bully, and then you may think it would get worse, that’s what i thought anyway. Or maybe you think that it’s not important, or that the person you are telling is too busy to be dealing with this issue.

What should i do if i’m being bullied?
Tell someone! A teacher, a family member, a friend, a helpline, just speak to somebody, it can feel so lonely going through this on your own so it’s important that you have someone to help you out. And hopefully the bullying should get sorted out, if not (depending on where the bullying is happening) :
School – Headteacher – They can do more than the other staff members so they should help, and its important that you speak to them, and if it doesn’t stop make sure you go back, and keep going back until it is finally stopped!
Work – Boss – Your boss has to make sure that everything is okay at work, and if something isn’t then they have to sort out the problem.
In the community – Police – I know when i got told that i could go to the police, i thought it was a bit strange, but really, they can help you so much, even if you don’t want to tell them names, they can just give you advice.
Just please tell somebody and get it sorted, it hurts so much to go through so the quicker you get out of the situation and its sorted, the better! You shouldn’t have to go through it!

How do you help someone who is being bullied?
Get proper support for them, make sure the bullying is stopped, talk to them about all the options available, make sure they have someone to talk to if something happens, make sure they know they aren’t going through this on their own. Make sure that they know they can change schools if the bullying still doesn’t stop, but really, they shouldn’t have to move school because you should do everything within your power to stop the bullying!

Can you talk about the effects of bullying? Both in terms of behaviors and feelings and states that get created?
The effects of bullying are so serious, people don’t realise how bad they can be. In my experience, the behaviours that i created were, self harming, cutting down my food, exercising more, taking laxatives, attempting suicide on various occasions  never feeling good enough, never feeling pretty, became very anxious, stayed in the house a lot, i became angry and very upset, i’d stay in my room most of the time because i’d had enough of people, i just wanted to be alone.

What has helped *you* in your experience of having been bullied, at the time and later on?
Hm the hardest bit to answer of this question would be what helped me while i was being bullied, i don’t think the school were very good with helping me, they did try, and i thank them for that, but they could of done so much more. I had counselling while i was going through this time which was helpful sometimes, urm, therapy was helpful sometimes too, i went to CAMHS, because of my self harm and suicidal thoughts and actions, i was told to go to DBT group, to help me with my self harm. Because of how much weight i lost i had to go to see my GP once a week to get weighed, and she gave me support with other things too, and speaking with charities like samaritans was so helpful! They don’t care what you say to them, they won’t tell anyone, and they just want to help you, and they care so much!

Is there anything you can to help those who are the bullies? Is there anything we can do to affect them and help them change their behaviors?
I guess we can just tell them and show them what their actions and words can do to someone. Find out why they are doing it, and if they are doing it because they have their own problems then get them support for their problems so they can work through it/them. If they are doing it for popularity then just ask why they want to be friends with people who they aren’t good enough for already? Because everyone is good enough, and if people can’t see that then, leave them, you can find better people.

When you were being bullied, were there times when you blamed yourself, thinking it must be something you were doing wrong?
Yes, i used to think it was something i was doing wrong all of the time, i wasn’t doing what everyone else my age was doing, so i just thought it was because of that, but then i realised that its nothing to do with me, its their problem, and even if i did change myself i would still get treated the same, so i decided to just stay the same and be liked for who i really am.

How about describing how it all started, little things that you try &ignore but then get bigger.Many know the affect may not see the start.
It started as really small things really, the odd comment, rumours being spread every now and then, i just thought it would stop after a while, i didn’t think it would ever get worse. And even  though it wasn’t happening much, i still told somebody. It didn’t affect me much at first either, but the more it happened, the more it affected me. I just tried to ignore it, because of how little it happened, but it just got worse in time. And it is so so hard to try and ignore something like this when it is happening to you, i know it sounds so easy when you tell someone to ignore it, but believe me, it’s easier said than done.

How would you explain to family/friends that you aren’t fixed like they think and that you still self harm?
I have this problem so often, especially with summer coming up now. I know that it is so hard to tell someone that you still do it, i guess its easier to write it down? Or one day when someone says something about it, just come out with it and tell them. Or maybe you could get someone else to tell them? Like someone that already knows? Just explain to them that you want someone to know but you are finding it hard to tell them yourself. Don’t go through this on your own.

What do you think are the main causes of bullying?
I think one of the main causes is how judgemental people are, as soon as you see someone its hard not to judge them on their appearance, but just because of how someone looks, you shouldn’t not talk to them. Popularity is a cause of bullying in school, young people care so much about how popular they are with the other people, that they will do things just to get more popular. And also, the person who is doing the bullying, their own problems are what cause them to bully, just like one of the questions above, bullying someone and making that person feel bad, might make them feel better about themselves.

Did your mind make you think that there were more people involved/against you then there actually were?
I guess so after a while yes, because my self esteem and confidence had got so low, so the littlest things would get to me. I knew that some people were just being silly, i knew there were the few ‘main’ people who did it the most.

If you feel depressed or anxious, does music ever help you to feel better?
Yes! I always listen to music when i feel down or anxious, sometimes when i go for a walk on my own i’ll listen to music so that i don’t feel too bad, it kind of takes my mind of feeling anxious a bit. Sometimes when i feel depressed i listen to sad music, which may not be the best idea, but it just helps to listen to someone singing about how you’re feeling, because that’s just another person who’s been through it, and got through it, and i will too.

Did you have a special friend that you could confide in or gain support from?
I had a few friends but they couldn’t really support me, sometimes they’d say something if someone says something to me because in the end i got too afraid to speak back, but i guess sometimes they were quite worried that if they said something they would start bullying them too. I did talk to my friends sometimes about it though.

Do you believe those who harmed you learned how to be better people or are they still harming others?
I hope that they are better people, because they wont get very far in life if they aren’t. But i know that sadly some of them are still the safe, and they probably won’t change, i see them sometimes and they still treat me the same, but i don’t see them very often luckily. And sadly they are harming other too, i wish they would just grow up.

I would never wish badly upon someone, even the way i’ve been treated by these people. I just hope that they can grow up and become better people so that they can get somewhere in life. I’d like to thank them though too, because they have made me who i am today, and to be honest, i like the type of person i am. Yes they may be the reason for all of my problems, but, they are also the reason for why i created this blog, and the reason why i met all of you amazing people!
So, thank you so much bullies.

If you have anymore questions just comment below or, email me missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk or tweet me @Hidden_Beth
And please, take care and stay strong because we CAN get through this!

My Dream.

5 Mar

Do you know what my biggest dream is, it’s to live in a World where people aren’t afraid to be themselves, where people aren’t judged for what they look like before someone even tries to get to know them, where we can walk down the street without being scared of what comments might be thrown at us, where we can carry on with our education or work instead of being too scared incase we get bullied again and so much more.

 

People don’t realise how serious bullying is, if you listen to the stories people tell you about their experiences and what they have been through because of bullying you will start to understand.

 

If someone doesn’t like you because of the way you look or the way you dress or anything, then the truth is, they don’t deserve you. You will find people who love you for who you are and accept you for who you are and they’re the real friends.

Another big dream of mine is to one day work for an anti bullying charity or to maybe even create my own. I just absolutely love trying to help stop bullying.

 

Stay Strong And Speak Up.

Don’t Be Silenced.

@Hidden_Beth

You Think You Know.

22 Jan

Things will get better, when?

People really don’t realise how bullying can affect you for so long. You don’t realise unless you’re going through it.
I’m not being bullied anymore but i’m struggling so much.
My depression started when i was about 15/16, and it got worse as the bullying continued. I was bullied for years before my mood started to get low, but i think it just build up over the years.

You know when you sit in a room on your own with painkillers ready to just take them just how much the bullying has affected you. That was me a few days ago, but i was able to stop myself, and then i had an emergency appointment at the doctors. I hadn’t done anything so i was just spoken to.
When your arms are just full with scars, when you can’t even look at yourself in a mirror, you think so low of yourself, if someone gives you a compliment you think they’re just lying and you just ignore them. You walk around with your head down because your confidence is so low.

And its sad when you’re going through all of this and the mental health team said they aren’t going to give you any support.

I’m working now and its going really well, they’re so supportive. But at the moment i’m actually not in work because of my health, well because of what happened with the painkillers thing. The doctor thought it was best for me to have a bit of time off.

If i could just help to raise awareness of how bullying affects you, or if maybe i could help somebody by letting them know they aren’t alone it would mean so much.
I wish i could do more to tell my story, so please, if you have an opportunity for me to tell my story, please contact me. @Hidden_Beth or missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk

Thank you
Stay Strong With Me ♥

A Day In The Life Of A Victim.

20 Jan

This was what school was like for me most days, and a lot of other people have to go through similar things.
I don’t want your sympathy, i just want bullying to finally be stopped, and I want other victims to realise they aren’t alone, and we have to fight and stand together to stop this.

As soon as the alarm goes off you start worrying about what school will be like today. You hope that maybe the people who bully you won’t be in today so you can have one day that’s different from the others.
You go to wait for the bus worrying about who else will be on the bus, or where you’ll sit if there are some bullies on the bus. As you get on the bus you see people looking at you, you think they’re just looking at you because you’re so ‘ugly’ as this is what you have been called so many times. You sit down alone and hope this will soon be over. On the bus you listen to music so you can’t hear their comments if they make any.

You arrive at school and go straight to somewhere you can be alone, the library, a classroom, anywhere to be alone. As the bell goes you start walking up to tutor worrying about who you will see on the way to your classroom. You walk with your head down so you can watch for their feet trying to trip you up, and so you can’t see if they say something to you, you can hear what they say but just not being able to see them say it directly to you makes it somehow better because then you think maybe it wasn’t said to you.

You sit down in your seat worrying about who is around, you look behind you because you are used to people throwing things at you from behind. When the teacher arrives it is a relief because they won’t be too bad when there is a teacher around.
You get scared when a teacher asks you to answer a question because if you get that question wrong the bullies laugh at you and call you stupid, it’s weird how they laugh at you but not other people who get the questions wrong. If you know the answer to a question you still don’t answer it because you’re scared they’ll call you names for getting the answer right.

Whenever the teacher leaves a classroom you get scared because this is when the bullies start again, throwing things at you, shouting at you, “you fat slag” “loser”. You just ignore them and concentrate on your work. You do think about leaving the classroom but you worry that they might know you left because of them and you wouldn’t want them to know this so you just sit and pretend you don’t care when really you do.

When dinner time comes you go straight to somewhere you can be alone and somewhere you know they won’t go. The library was somewhere I went every single break time so I felt safe.
I was someone who never ate dinner at school because I was scared to go to the canteen because I knew they went there and I just wanted to stay away from them.

The end of the day seems like the best thing ever.
This was just a normal day for you.

This was what school was like for me when I was there, I have now left. So many other people have to go through something similar. This shouldn’t happen, school should be a safe place for us to learn, you shouldn’t fear going to school. This needs to be stopped.
Together we can stop it.

I am speaking up for every other victim of bullying, I will not be silenced. Please help me get my voice heard.
Thank you.

We’re Still Human.

12 Dec

To judge someone is to think you know them before you’ve even spoken to them and to think that you see it the right way, when you probably don’t. Everyone does it, even if you try not to you still can’t help doing it.

People are judged because of their appearence, name, taste in music, clothes, their hair colour, skin colour, for being quiet, for being loud, age, background, their past, job, and so much more.
What someone looks like doesn’t define who they are, if someone has ginger hair it doesn’t mean they are any different to you.
You can never be perfect, you’re judged for being too quiet, judged for being too loud, for being too skinny or too fat. Nobody is perfect.

-You shouldn’t judge someone because of what they do because you don’t know why they do it.
-“You laugh because you think i’m different, i laugh because you guys are all the same”

Judging someone and treating them differently because you judged them isn’t going to make you a better person. Everyone is human and everyone has feelings that can be hurt.

You can’t judge someone because of their past, you can’t understand what someone has been through or what someone has done unless you’ve been in the same situation.
I left school because of bullying and people judge me for it, they just think i left school because i was too lazy and they think i can’t be bothered to do anything else. They don’t bother to ask me they just think they know the real reason.

Don’t Judge & Don’t Bully.
Together We Can End Bullying.