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Every Moment Matters

31 Jan

Hi Guys.. It’s been a while!!

Thought i’d do an update so you guys know how i’m getting on 🙂

 

There’s a lot to update on.. so here we go..

I am so happy, that’s right, i, me, i never thought i could be this happy, i am so lucky. I am so lucky because i have come so far and i have made it this far, not on my own, with the support of you guys, my family, my friends, the people around me, i have made it through a lot of bad stuff as you guys know, and do you know what, i don’t regret anything i have done or been through as it has made me who i am today.

I am still working as a support worker with the elderly, i love my job, yes it is stressful and demanding in all ways, but i still love it, i work for the moment of happiness i can give people, and i work to put a smile on their faces. I went to a lady the other evening and she wanted to get into bed, i assisted her with this, and do you know what she said to me.. she said ‘why can’t they all be like you’ and then the tears came, she said that about me!! I couldn’t believe it!! I gave her a big hug.

I am in a very happy relationship, i am living with him now, i am so in love, he treats me so well and is so supportive of me, i am so lucky in all ways.

I believe that everything that happened tested me, and i nearly gave in, but i made it through it all, and i am so glad i did.
Thank you so much for reading this! 🙂

STAY STRONG! ❤
Beth

It’s okay to be a glowstick, sometimes we need to break before we shine.

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Faded The View Of Myself

3 Aug

Hi guys!

I just wanted to post about life after bullying, obviously this can vary depending on everyone’s different experiences but I just wanted to make people realise the affects of bullying, not only are there serious effects on the person during the bullying but this could affect the individuals future after the bullying too!

I would love to one day forget all those nasty words that were said, but I am still living in the picture they painted of me, that ugly, fat girl. I often cry when I look at myself in the mirror as I am disgusted with what I see standing in front of me. The bullies have faded the view I have of myself, 4 years on and I’m still struggling.

My low self esteem affects me everyday, I just want to feel pretty and good enough for myself but I can’t see that ever happening, I am so unhappy with the way I look. My boyfriend is very good and supportive with me, he tells me I am beautiful but I just can’t see it, I feel so ugly all the time, and I have to admit I take a lot of pictures of myself to try and make myself feel pretty, and to try to say to myself ‘oh that’s a good picture of me’ but I just don’t see myself anything other than ugly.

It’s horrible to think that’s it’s been 4 years since I left school and I’m still letting it affect my life, but those years of bullying have really affected me and probably always will in some way!

Sorry for the negative post guys ❤️

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

8 Jun

Hi Guys!

So it has been a very long time since i did a post, i have so much to update you guys on!

It’s strange looking back on how things used to be for me, everything is so different now! Everyone has good and bad days, i do still struggle every now and then but i have so much support behind me!

I am still currently working as a support worker with elderly people, i absolutely love my job, it is hard at times, but i can’t see myself doing any other job, this is so rewarding, just helping these people with their day to day lives. I have been doing this for over 2 years now, and i still love it!

At the moment i am back off my medication, and i am doing OK, up and down but i am managing well. A big struggle for me at the moment is the scarring i have from when i was self harming, if anyone has any advice/guidance on this please let me know, i am terrified of being judged as i had been in school, so i am unsure of what to do other than covering them up, don’t get me wrong, i am not embarrassed of what i did to survive my breakdown, i am proud of the fact i made it through such a dark time! I just know how judgmental people can be unfortunately!

I am currently dating! After splitting up with my last boyfriend after a long time of being together, these things happen, things don’t work out but we just have to carry on, and move on when we are ready! This new guy is so nice, he picks me up when i am down definitely, he tells me i am beautiful, it is so strange as i don’t see myself as beautiful, i have very low self confidence, and i am very self conscious of my body, it is quite hard being in a relationship when you have issues with how you look but.. it is going so well! It is hard when you leave someone, but i wasn’t happy, and i deserve to be happy, everyone deserves to be happy! I am now much happier!

Love and hugs to you all! Keep smiling ❤ 

 

Life Is Beautiful.

13 Jan

“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one” – this is one of my favourite quotes and i believe in it 100%. Although you may never be able to fully forget something that is in the past, you can at least learn to live knowing that it happened but, at the same time, stop letting it control your life.

Life is never going to be easy, there are always going to be ups and downs, but you just have to take the bad with the good, and remember things always get better, maybe not straight away, but eventually.

Sadly there are some nasty people in the World, but there are also plently more lovely people.

If you don’t believe that things are going to get better, just please believe me, i used to think that, but now, life is amazing and beautiful, it just takes a while to see that after going through difficult times.

If you ever need a chat, there are so many helplines out there, but also, you can drop me an email – missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk

Smiles, hugs and good wishes to you all,
Beth xxxx

Nobody can hurt you without your permission.

21 Feb

Hey guys!
It’s been a long time since i’ve posted so this one is very much needed!
I hope you’re all doing okay, i’m sorry i’ve been so quiet, just been really busy with college! I am always here though, if you ever want me or need me, i’m only a message away ♥

I just wanted to write a post with a bit of advice really to those readers who may still be being bullied, or those who are still struggling with the bullying that was in their past.

I know how hard it is to get those comments, and how hard it is to get up everyday just knowing what you are going to have to put up with today, how hard it is to see those people who bully you, how much anger you have for them. Believe me though when i say this, in the future you will be thankful that they put you through what they did, because what they are doing is only making you stronger, and i know this may sound absolutely stupid, but take it from someone who has been there. You may feel so low and so sensitive, but when you come out of this, when all this finally stops, you will be so much stronger, and you will be such a good person, if you let yourself be. You’ve been through this pain, you can say “i don’t want anyone else to go through that” and you can be such a kind person, not judge anyone and not say a bad word to or about anyone, i know right now you won’t be able to see any positive in what you are going through, what you are going through shouldn’t be happening, and more needs to be done to stop it.

Those names they call you, they aren’t true, you’re beautiful, everyone is beautiful, everyone is unique, don’t listen to what they have to say, do they even know you? Have they been your friend, do they know what you are like? Or have they just judged you and decided it would be fun to make your life miserable? I still don’t understand how these people can do this, i mean.. why would you want to call somebody names so that they feel so bad about themselves that they want to change.. they don’t feel good enough for anyone anymore.. i just don’t get it.. I know people say it’s because they have their own problems or that they have low confidence about themselves but.. no i still don’t understand,

Believe me when i say you are good enough, you deserve to be happy, you deserve a great future full of happiness and nothing like this. I know it’s hard at the moment, but things get better, and i really do mean that! I’ve been in your shoes, i’ve been so low that i didn’t want to be alive, i’ve starved myself because these people told me i was fat, so i needed to change right? WRONG! We don’t need to change ourselves, these people will never like us and will never be our friends, so why should we change ourselves for them? We’re great just the way we are, and anyway.. nobody is perfect, not even them!

Just remember guys, you do matter and you are so important!
And things will get better, the future is bright although you may not be able to see the light yet ♥

I’m always thinking of you guys, and i’m only a message away,
Stay Strong,
Beth xxxx

The Sun Will Shine Again.

18 Dec

I know at times the World can seem horrible and it seems like you are in this alone but please believe me, things can change.

One of my favourite quotes is “Darkness only exists so you can see the stars shine”, i used to have a diary that i’d write in or just read when i was feeling low, it wasn’t a proper diary, it was full of quotes that i liked and that meant something to me, this being one of them.
It can seem like everyone is against you and there is no one out there who really cares, but really there is, and most of them still keep their eye out for me now, whether that be on twitter or on this blog, they like to hear from me and know that i am doing well, and you know, that feels great, knowing that they’ve been there through my low and dark moments, but that they are also here with me through my higher moments too! I know things aren’t always going to be good everyday but you just have to look for the bits that are good in each and every day.

All of you people who read this blog have seen my posts when i may not of been in a very good place, but now i’ve turned things around, one day i just decided that it’s my life, and i can do what i want, why should those people who made my life miserable continue to even when they aren’t around me anymore.. i’m not in school anymore so why carry on the emotional pain? Why should they have control over how i feel and over what i do with the rest of my life? It may sound easy, it wasn’t, it was such a hard decision to make, to just stop letting this pain take control of my life, to actually get out of the house and to socialise, which is still so VERY SCARY!
I may not be 100% better but i’m on my way there, i’m happier, and guess what, i don’t self harm anymore either! That was one of the hardest things, trying to stop an addiction, because it is an addiction, whether people agree with me or not, it’s an addiction just like being addicted to drugs, you think about it all the time, you need it all the time.

My mental health is still not great, my medication gets changed regularly until they can find something that actually works, i’ve lost count of how many different medications i’ve been on now, but it’s all just part of my journey 🙂

I’m not angry at those who put me through what they did, i’m glad i went through it, it has made me stronger and more aware of other people and how they could be feeling, it has made me want to help others and do more to help stop bullying and those who might be going through it.

If i can ever be of any help to anyone please just let me know, and please, stay strong
@Hidden_Beth
missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk

New Start

6 Sep

I have some news 🙂

I started college this week, i was so nervous, i didn’t know anyone, i’ve never been there before so i didn’t know my way around etc,

I can’t let the people in my past control my future, i want to have a job and a life, and i have to make a new start to be able to do that, i’m not going to be able to forget what happened to me, but i just have to stop letting it control me.
So i’ve started college, on a course that i want to do, something that i’m interested in and something that i want to work in, and i’m going to work so hard, and try my best, my concentration and memory is still terrible due to my mental health but i can only try!
The college has a lot of support services aswell, i’m going to look at seeing a counsellor just so i can get a bit of extra support and talk about my worries etc.

My first day was so scary, but i made it!
If i can do it, you can do it too!
Be strong!

“Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”

Stay Strong, you’re so important and you can make it through this ❤
Love Beth xoxo

new day

We Can Do This!

10 Jul

Thanks to those that got involved in this post!! 🙂

I know it can seem like the whole World is against you and that you are the only person going through the hard times, while everyone else is having a great time, but really.. are they? :/
It can seem like you are the only person who feels how you feel, and you just want to escape, you just want a break away from everything for a while. You are not alone, no matter what you are going through, someone else is going through it, or has been through it too. You have to stay strong, and believe in yourself because YOU CAN DO THIS!!
It may seem that things will never get better, but believe me, they do

Here are a few statistics i found –
1 million people across the globe die by suicide each year. That’s one suicide every 40 seconds. (from samaritans.org)
244,000 people under 19 are carers – about 23,000 are under nine. (from bbc.co.uk)
– The UK has one of the highest rates of self harm in Europe, at 400 per 100,000 population. (Self-poisoning and self-injury in adults, Clinical Medicine, 2002)
– Almost half (46%) of children and young people say they have been bullied at school at some point in their lives.

I know its hard, but if we can get through it then anybody can, stay strong, and remember, you can do this!
Stay Strong ❤

we can do this
Thanks for reading!
Beth 😀
xoxo

Feel free to contact me, on email missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk on twitter @Hidden_Beth or the facebook page https://www.facebook.com/UnderneathMyMask

Memories.

17 May

Today i went to pick my friend up from the school that i went to, i’ve never felt so sad before, all the memories just came flooding back to me, i had tears in my eyes, just thinking about how much pain that place gave me.

I’m still so upset, i can’t think of any positives that the school gave me, everything i went through there made me so ill. That is where i started self harming, that is where i walked out to go to the nearest bridge to jump off but my mum got called to come and get me.
They didn’t know what i was planning, they just saw me walk out early and got worried, so they called my Mum to get me.

That place was a horrible place, with horrible memories, and horrible people. 

It didn’t just make me sad, it made me angry too, thinking about all of the teachers there that ‘cared’ about me, well that didn’t last long, as soon as i left, they stopped caring, never called me, never asked about me ever again.
I actually went back inside today, to see if teachers asked how i was etc, but no, nothing just hi, that’s it.

I wish i could write the school a letter, tell them everything i went through during my time there, how i am now, how i can never wear short sleeves again, how i have ended up in hospital a few times due to suicide attempts. They don’t know this is all because of what i went through in their school. They don’t know who else could be going through the same things that i went through in the school. I don’t want anyone else to go through this, in that school, or in ANY school, workplace or ANYWHERE, because don’t you know, bullying doesn’t just happen to young people, it can happen to anyone, any age, any race, any religion etc. 

I hope you like this post, i just tell the truth, i’m no one special, just someone who wants to make a difference and be heard.
Nobody should go through this.


Image
Please spread this post!

Group!

25 Apr

Hey!

Ah i’m so excited, i’ve decided i’m going to start my own face to face group for those who have been bullied, so we can support each other through the affects after the bullying has stopped, or if people are still being bullied, we can show them that they can get through it.

You guys don’t realise how much this means to me, this is my motivation, my reason for living, i spoke to my Doctor today, she has seen my blog, she told me that i’m a totally different person on here, and i need to get better. So this is my reason for getting better. So i can do these groups!
What you guys don’t know is that, i am struggling very much, with my depression and self harm, and suicidal thoughts. I have a suicide diary, full of quotes and poems, i have a letter already written.
So please, help me with this group, i really want to do this! I want to get better just so i can do this, to help others! So they don’t have to go through what i have been through.

The group will be in Flintshire, i’m going to have a search around to see if i can get anywhere to hold it, if you are interested, please comment below, email me: missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk or tweet me @Hidden_Beth

Also, if you have any ideas for the group, i would be very thankful to hear them!
Thank you, and please take care!
Don’t let them win! You’re better than them!