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New Start

6 Sep

I have some news šŸ™‚

I started college this week, i was so nervous, i didn’t know anyone, i’ve never been there before so i didn’t know my way around etc,

I can’t let the people in my past control my future, i want to have a job and a life, and i have to make a new start to be able to do that, i’m not going to be able to forget what happened to me, but i just have to stop letting it control me.
So i’ve started college, on a course that i want to do, something that i’m interested in and something that i want to work in, and i’m going to work so hard, and try my best, my concentration and memory is still terrible due to my mental health but i can only try!
The college has a lot of support services aswell, i’m going to look at seeing a counsellor just so i can get a bit of extra support and talk about my worries etc.

My first day was so scary, but i made it!
If i can do it, you can do it too!
Be strong!

ā€œAlthough no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.ā€

Stay Strong, you’re so important and you can make it through this ā¤
Love Beth xoxo

new day

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We Can Do This!

10 Jul

Thanks to those that got involved in this post!! šŸ™‚

I know it can seem like the whole World is against you and that you are the only person going through the hard times, while everyone else is having a great time, but really.. are they? :/
It can seem like you are the only person who feels how you feel, and you just want to escape, you just want a break away from everything for a while. You are not alone, no matter what you are going through, someone else is going through it, or has been through it too. You have to stay strong, and believe in yourself because YOU CAN DO THIS!!
It may seem that things will never get better, but believe me, they do ā¤

Here are a few statistics i found –
1 million people across the globe die by suicide each year. Thatā€™s one suicide every 40 seconds. (from samaritans.org)
244,000 people under 19 are carers – about 23,000 are under nine. (from bbc.co.uk)
– The UK has one of the highest rates of self harmĀ in Europe, at 400 per 100,000 population. (Self-poisoning and self-injury in adults, Clinical Medicine, 2002)
– Almost half (46%) of children and young people say they have been bullied at school at some point in their lives.

I know its hard, but if we can get through it then anybody can, stay strong, and remember, you can do this!
Stay Strong ā¤

we can do this
Thanks for reading!
Beth šŸ˜€
xoxo

Feel free to contact me, on email missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk on twitter @Hidden_Beth or the facebook pageĀ https://www.facebook.com/UnderneathMyMask

Memories.

17 May

Today i went to pick my friend up from the school that i went to, i’ve never felt so sad before, all the memories just came flooding back to me, i had tears in my eyes, just thinking about how much pain that place gave me.

I’m still so upset, i can’t think of any positives that the school gave me, everything i went through there made me so ill. That is where i started self harming, that is where i walked out to go to the nearest bridge to jump off but my mum got called to come and get me.
They didn’t know what i was planning, they just saw me walk out early and got worried, so they called my Mum to get me.

That place was a horrible place, with horrible memories, and horrible people.Ā 

It didn’t just make me sad, it made me angry too, thinking about all of the teachers there that ‘cared’ about me, well that didn’t last long, as soon as i left, they stopped caring, never called me, never asked about me ever again.
I actually went back inside today, to see if teachers asked how i was etc, but no, nothing just hi, that’s it.

I wish i could write the school a letter, tell them everything i went through during my time there, how i am now, how i can never wear short sleeves again, how i have ended up in hospital a few times due to suicide attempts. They don’t know this is all because of what i went through in their school. They don’t know who else could be going through the same things that i went through in the school. I don’t want anyone else to go through this, in that school, or in ANY school, workplace or ANYWHERE,Ā because don’t you know, bullying doesn’t just happen to young people, it can happen to anyone, any age, any race, any religion etc.Ā 

I hope you like this post, i just tell the truth, i’m no one special, just someone who wants to make a difference and be heard.
Nobody should go through this.


Image
Please spread this post!

What Teachers Have To Say

15 May

Hey!

So the Record Of Achievements is coming up at schools, so people are preparing, and teachers are giving advice on how to behave and how to act, dress etc.

I got told today that one teacher said that they didn’t want anyone self harming before the ROA because it will look bad for the school and the pupil. Now that has upset me so much and made me so angry!
Why should they care more about how the school looks, they should care more about the pupil and getting them help to stop the self harming!

I’m coming from a personal experience, i’ve self harmed for so long, i was self harming when i was in school and i never got the help that i needed, and i still don’t have the right help, but i’m getting through it myself.

I can’t even explain how angry i am hearing that this teacher has said this!

 

ImageI found this picture on google, because people don’t realise how hard it is to get through self harm, how alone it can make you feel, how much of a struggle it is, but we are fighters, and we are strong, and we can beat this addiction.

Please stay strong.
If you have any questions, advice, suggestions or you’d like to talk or anything please feel free to email me missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk
Also, please comment below and let me know what you think! Are you annoyed too by reading this?

You Are Beautiful.

10 Feb

No matter what size you are, what colour your hair is, what your background is, what clothes you wear, no matter how many scars you have etc, you are beautiful, no matter what anyone else says.

People will try to put you down but just so you know, they’re only jealous.
Beauty is what’s on the inside not the outside, some people may look good on the outside but on the inside they could be a horrible person. To me, it’s what’s on the inside that counts.

You may think that nobody loves you and that nobody wants you, but i do. There is someone out there who you mean the World to, you may not know who they are yet, but one day, you will see, you are so very important.

We can get through these dark days together, so please stay strong with me.
You are much stronger than you think.

Stay Strong Beautiful
@Hidden_Beth

light at end of tunnel

My Story.

29 Feb

I am going to tell my story here in a little more detail, there is too much to say for me to say everything but, here’s a bit of my story.

I was looking forward to high school, a new place, new people, new start. Ā I had a few friends that were going to the same school so i wasn’t too worried. On the first day we just got to know the other people in our tutor class and got shown around the school.
So many new faces. I am such a quiet person, and maybe i come across as an unfriendly person too, i’m not sure. But anyway, a few people took a ‘dislike’ to me. They just laughed at me and that didn’t really affect me too much, it made me self concious but it wasn’t really bothering me at the time because i just thought they would grow up and stop it.

In English lessons we had to read out loud to the rest of the class, English was my favourite lesson but then when we started to do this reading out loud things changed. Ā The people who didn’t really like me started to laugh while i was reading and make comments about me. The teacher just shouted at them which stopped them for that lesson but the next time was the same. The teacher used to choose who would read so i’d pretend to already be reading or to be busy so that she wouldn’t pick me.
In our Food Tech lessons they would throw food at me, throw flour in my hair etc. Stare at me, laugh at me, make comments. If i was asked a question they would just laugh if i got the answer wrong and say that i was stupid.

I’d go into the school canteen to get my dinner and they would make comments saying that i was fat. In the end i started to go to the library instead because i knew they never really went in there. When they walked past the library they would shout through the door and call me a ‘boffin’. I tried to stay away from them as much as i could. When the bell went for the start of next lesson i’d have to walk past them, they would put their feet out infront of me to try and trip me up, or they would push me against the wall or against other people.

I’d also walk down the corridorĀ and have comments made at me, they’d say i was ugly, a slag, fat, useless, waste of space, and so many other things. Some of the people that made comments didn’t even know me, they hadn’t been in a class with me, they didn’t even know my name!

I had been told that i was fat so many times, i cut down on how much i was eating and i started exercising a lot, after leaving sixth form my eating got worse. I haven’t been diagnosed with an eating disorder so i can’t say i have one, but i have lost a lot of weight because they said i was fat.

If they said things to me i wouldn’t reply, i’d just ignore them because that is what i had been told to do. At some point i decided that just ignoring them wasn’t working so i said something back to them, after this they got worse, they just kept repeating the thing that i had said to them.

The bullying didn’t stop when i got home, it would happen online too, people would make fake facebook profiles and add me, they would makeĀ statuses about me, put pictures up of someone they thought was ‘ugly’ and tag me in them, make profiles about me, spread more rumours about me, it never stopped.
One day i went out for a walk at night so i could phone the samaritans, i went to my local park so i could be alone and so no one could hear me, i heard some people talking so i started walking home, they started to shout at me saying “what the fuck are you doing here you ugly bitch” they started to walk behind me so i started walking faster, they were still shouting at me, calling me a lot of names, they started running after me swearing at me, there was a big group of them and only one of me. They were so close to catching me but i made it home before they could.
Another day i was in the park with a friend and these people were just walking into the park as we were going to walk out, they stood at the gate and held it closed so we couldn’t get out, they were just standing there not letting us leave, they started to make comments about us, i just ignored them and waited for them to let us leave.

One year i lost all of my friends because of rumours that were being spread about me, i spent a few months alone and not having anyone to talk to. I’d see my ‘friend’s’ in lessons but they had turned into bullies now too, they made comments about me. In the end it got sorted out by a teacher but i still can’t forget what happened with them.

I had a cousin that was in the same year as me but he was totally different to me, he was ‘popular’ and i wasn’t. He was in one class with me, i’d try to speak to him but he would ignore me because he cared more about his popularity than his family. He thought that if he was seen talking to me that would affect his ‘popularity’. He would laugh along with the comments made about me, and sometimes he would make his own. When he found out that i had been in a car crash he said he didn’t care.

So many times i had been to teachers to try and sort this out, i’d been to so many different teachers. One teacher told me Ā they couldn’t help because they weren’t in my class, another said to just ignore them. In year 11 it started getting worse again, i had been in a car crash, and had a few weeks off school, when i got back i was told that it ‘would of been good if you died’ and at some point i was also told that i deserve to die.
After everything i had been through with these people i started to get really low, and i started to self harm. I started getting thoughts of suicide, and sometimes i had acted on them. I was given counselling, and then because of my ‘suicidal and self harming behaviours’ i was referred to CAMHS (Child andĀ adolescentĀ mental health service) where i was finally diagnosed with depression and social anxiety which i still suffer with now.

I finished my GCSE’s and then i did one year of sixth form where i was still being bullied, after the first year of sixth form i decided not to go back for the second year because of the bullying. I couldn’t put myself through another year of that. I was also too scared to go to college or to get a job, so at the moment, i am doing nothing, no job, no education, and this is why i wish there was a place like Red Balloon for people 18+.

Although i have been through all of this and so much more that i haven’t wrote about, i wouldn’t change my past at all, it has made me who i am today, and it has made me meet all of the amazing people i have met on twitter. The bullies made me a better person!

We Will Not Be Silenced.

27 Jan

We will stand together to fight bullying and we will NEVER be silenced.
You can try and break us down but this just makes us stronger.
We will stand together and fight you together, we won’t stop until bullying is finally stopped. We refuse to be beaten.

We can forget what you did, forget what you said, but we will never forget how you made us feel.

(Click on the picture to make it bigger)

Thank you to every single person who was involved in this post, and to everyone who helped.

Together we can and WILL end bullying.
Words hurt.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way.
Stay Strong.

I Want To Change The World.

22 Jan

I don’t want to live in a World like this anymore, i want to help change the World so it’s a better place.

I want to help stop bullying so that kids don’t have to be too scared to go to school or adults are worried about going to work. I don’t want people to give up their lives because of bullying, well actually.. iĀ don’t want people to harm themselves in any way because of bullying, i don’t want people to selfĀ harm because of other people, or make themselves sick because of other people, and every other thing bullies cause people to do to themselves.

You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes ,you may kill me with your hatred, but still, likeĀ  air, i’ll rise.

Nobody is perfect, and everyone should be treated the same.

Bullying shouldn’t happen, there have been so many suicides because of this, how many more is it going to take before bullying is finally stopped.

Any form of abuse is wrong and needs to be stopped now.

Words hurt.

I am not going to stop speaking up about this, iĀ won’t be silenced, and iĀ appreciate everyone that helps me and supports what i am doing. I hope to make a difference.
Please help me get my voice heard.

Thank you.

A Day In The Life Of A Victim.

20 Jan

This was what school was like for me most days, and a lot of other people have to go through similar things.
I don’t want your sympathy, iĀ just want bullying to finally be stopped, and I want other victims to realise they aren’t alone, and we have to fight and stand together to stop this.

As soon as the alarm goes off you start worrying about what school will be like today. You hope that maybe the people who bully you won’t be in today so you can have one day that’s different from the others.
You go to wait for the bus worrying about who else will be on the bus, or where you’ll sit if there are some bullies on the bus. As you get on the bus you see people looking at you, you think they’re just looking at you because you’re so ‘ugly’ as this is what you have been called so many times. You sit down alone and hope this will soon be over. On the bus you listen to music so you can’t hear their comments if they make any.

You arrive at school and go straight to somewhere you can be alone, the library, a classroom, anywhere to be alone. As the bell goes you start walking up to tutor worrying about who you will see on the way to your classroom. You walk with your head down so you can watch for their feet trying to trip you up, and so you can’t see if they say something to you, you can hear what they say but just not being able to see them say it directly to you makes it somehow better because then you think maybe it wasn’t said to you.

You sit down in your seat worrying about who is around, you look behind you because you are used to people throwing things at you from behind. When the teacher arrives it is a relief because they won’t be too bad when there is a teacher around.
You get scared when a teacher asks you to answer a question because if you get that question wrong the bullies laugh at you and call you stupid, it’s weird how they laugh at you but not other people who get the questions wrong. If you know the answer to a question you still don’t answer it because you’re scared they’ll call you names for getting the answer right.

Whenever the teacher leaves a classroom you get scared because this is when the bullies start again, throwing things at you, shouting at you, “you fat slag” “loser”. You just ignore them and concentrate on your work. You do think about leaving the classroom but you worry that they might know you left because of them and you wouldn’t want them to know this so you just sit and pretend you don’t care when really you do.

When dinner time comes you go straight to somewhere you can be alone and somewhere you know they won’t go. The library was somewhere IĀ went every single break time so I felt safe.
I was someone who never ate dinner at school because IĀ was scared to go to the canteen because IĀ knew they went there and I just wanted to stay away from them.

The end of the day seems like the best thing ever.
This was just a normal day for you.

This was what school was like for me when IĀ was there, IĀ have now left. So many other people have to go through something similar. This shouldn’t happen, school should be a safe place for us to learn, you shouldn’t fear going to school. This needs to be stopped.
Together we can stop it.

I am speaking up for every other victim of bullying, I will not be silenced. Please help me get my voice heard.
Thank you.

“Get Over It.”

16 Jan

Someone told me to “Get over it” when i told them about the bullying, i thought maybe of putting them into the situation of being me and all the other victims of bullying and then see if maybe they’d realise you can’t just get over it, it’s not that easy. If one day we could just wake up and decide to be happy don’t you think we would do this.

Do you think being called fat at least once a day for at least a year that you’d just be able to forget about it? Do you not think that this would change the way that person looked at themself and how much they eat or don’t eat..
After being called ugly so much do you think you can just forget someone ever said that to you? Is it easy to get your confidence back after someone has said this to you for so long?
Is it easy to just put someone’s comments behind you if it is still happening? If your confidence is still being lowered how is it possible to build it back up, i know maybe if you took yourself out of the situation it would be easier but you’d still never get over it.
After being told it would be good if you were dead would you not feel alone and not wanted?
Do you think if someone tries to trip you over everyday maybe you might start walking with your head down to make sure they don’t trip you up?
Do you not think you’d be scared to go into public incase you see these people?
Do you not think this would change your life and your view of other people?

Do you not realise what this could do to someone, how calling someone fat could cause an eating disorder, how telling someone they’re better off dead could cause a suicide.

As someone who has been through all of this and is still going through it i’m going to speak for other victims of bullying, i want my voice to be heard. I want to speak for other victims of bullying and i want bullying to be stopped.

They can break us down but we will stand together.
Please help me get my voice heard. Share this? Just please help me get this seen. Thank you.