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Your Questions.

10 Apr

Thank you so much for all of your questions! I hope that these may help someone in some way!

Does bullying happen a lot?/Is it very common?
Yes, i think that everyone is bullied at least once at some point in their life. And most of the time it isn’t reported so we don’t know about it, so i think the statistics of bullying are wrong, because some people don’t speak out about it for various different reasons. It doesn’t just happen in schools, it happens in work places too. And it happens to so many people, wrecks so many people’s lives.

Are some people more likely to be bullied than others?
I hate to say it but yes, it’s completely wrong and shouldn’t happen, but the people that are quiet seem to be targeted, like me, i was so quiet and i still am, and sadly some people don’t try to make friends with the quiet people, when really they could be missing out on a great friendship. But for those of you that are quiet, like me, don’t worry because the people who make the effort to get to know you will be real friends!

Why in the World do some people bully others?
I ask this question a lot, and most people say that it’s because they have their own problems, they may not like themselves and they feel better for making someone else not feel good about themselves, they may want attention, they may do it for their ‘popularity’ – i hate that word, why should you bully someone to look good in someone else’s eyes? Just confuses me so much. You don’t have to make yourself look good to others, if you aren’t ‘good enough’ for someone or for a group of people, then they don’t deserve you!

Why does the bullying so often stay a secret?
I guess sometimes the person who is being bullied may be scared to tell someone incase that person you told spoke to the bully, and then you may think it would get worse, that’s what i thought anyway. Or maybe you think that it’s not important, or that the person you are telling is too busy to be dealing with this issue.

What should i do if i’m being bullied?
Tell someone! A teacher, a family member, a friend, a helpline, just speak to somebody, it can feel so lonely going through this on your own so it’s important that you have someone to help you out. And hopefully the bullying should get sorted out, if not (depending on where the bullying is happening) :
School – Headteacher – They can do more than the other staff members so they should help, and its important that you speak to them, and if it doesn’t stop make sure you go back, and keep going back until it is finally stopped!
Work – Boss – Your boss has to make sure that everything is okay at work, and if something isn’t then they have to sort out the problem.
In the community – Police – I know when i got told that i could go to the police, i thought it was a bit strange, but really, they can help you so much, even if you don’t want to tell them names, they can just give you advice.
Just please tell somebody and get it sorted, it hurts so much to go through so the quicker you get out of the situation and its sorted, the better! You shouldn’t have to go through it!

How do you help someone who is being bullied?
Get proper support for them, make sure the bullying is stopped, talk to them about all the options available, make sure they have someone to talk to if something happens, make sure they know they aren’t going through this on their own. Make sure that they know they can change schools if the bullying still doesn’t stop, but really, they shouldn’t have to move school because you should do everything within your power to stop the bullying!

Can you talk about the effects of bullying? Both in terms of behaviors and feelings and states that get created?
The effects of bullying are so serious, people don’t realise how bad they can be. In my experience, the behaviours that i created were, self harming, cutting down my food, exercising more, taking laxatives, attempting suicide on various occasions  never feeling good enough, never feeling pretty, became very anxious, stayed in the house a lot, i became angry and very upset, i’d stay in my room most of the time because i’d had enough of people, i just wanted to be alone.

What has helped *you* in your experience of having been bullied, at the time and later on?
Hm the hardest bit to answer of this question would be what helped me while i was being bullied, i don’t think the school were very good with helping me, they did try, and i thank them for that, but they could of done so much more. I had counselling while i was going through this time which was helpful sometimes, urm, therapy was helpful sometimes too, i went to CAMHS, because of my self harm and suicidal thoughts and actions, i was told to go to DBT group, to help me with my self harm. Because of how much weight i lost i had to go to see my GP once a week to get weighed, and she gave me support with other things too, and speaking with charities like samaritans was so helpful! They don’t care what you say to them, they won’t tell anyone, and they just want to help you, and they care so much!

Is there anything you can to help those who are the bullies? Is there anything we can do to affect them and help them change their behaviors?
I guess we can just tell them and show them what their actions and words can do to someone. Find out why they are doing it, and if they are doing it because they have their own problems then get them support for their problems so they can work through it/them. If they are doing it for popularity then just ask why they want to be friends with people who they aren’t good enough for already? Because everyone is good enough, and if people can’t see that then, leave them, you can find better people.

When you were being bullied, were there times when you blamed yourself, thinking it must be something you were doing wrong?
Yes, i used to think it was something i was doing wrong all of the time, i wasn’t doing what everyone else my age was doing, so i just thought it was because of that, but then i realised that its nothing to do with me, its their problem, and even if i did change myself i would still get treated the same, so i decided to just stay the same and be liked for who i really am.

How about describing how it all started, little things that you try &ignore but then get bigger.Many know the affect may not see the start.
It started as really small things really, the odd comment, rumours being spread every now and then, i just thought it would stop after a while, i didn’t think it would ever get worse. And even  though it wasn’t happening much, i still told somebody. It didn’t affect me much at first either, but the more it happened, the more it affected me. I just tried to ignore it, because of how little it happened, but it just got worse in time. And it is so so hard to try and ignore something like this when it is happening to you, i know it sounds so easy when you tell someone to ignore it, but believe me, it’s easier said than done.

How would you explain to family/friends that you aren’t fixed like they think and that you still self harm?
I have this problem so often, especially with summer coming up now. I know that it is so hard to tell someone that you still do it, i guess its easier to write it down? Or one day when someone says something about it, just come out with it and tell them. Or maybe you could get someone else to tell them? Like someone that already knows? Just explain to them that you want someone to know but you are finding it hard to tell them yourself. Don’t go through this on your own.

What do you think are the main causes of bullying?
I think one of the main causes is how judgemental people are, as soon as you see someone its hard not to judge them on their appearance, but just because of how someone looks, you shouldn’t not talk to them. Popularity is a cause of bullying in school, young people care so much about how popular they are with the other people, that they will do things just to get more popular. And also, the person who is doing the bullying, their own problems are what cause them to bully, just like one of the questions above, bullying someone and making that person feel bad, might make them feel better about themselves.

Did your mind make you think that there were more people involved/against you then there actually were?
I guess so after a while yes, because my self esteem and confidence had got so low, so the littlest things would get to me. I knew that some people were just being silly, i knew there were the few ‘main’ people who did it the most.

If you feel depressed or anxious, does music ever help you to feel better?
Yes! I always listen to music when i feel down or anxious, sometimes when i go for a walk on my own i’ll listen to music so that i don’t feel too bad, it kind of takes my mind of feeling anxious a bit. Sometimes when i feel depressed i listen to sad music, which may not be the best idea, but it just helps to listen to someone singing about how you’re feeling, because that’s just another person who’s been through it, and got through it, and i will too.

Did you have a special friend that you could confide in or gain support from?
I had a few friends but they couldn’t really support me, sometimes they’d say something if someone says something to me because in the end i got too afraid to speak back, but i guess sometimes they were quite worried that if they said something they would start bullying them too. I did talk to my friends sometimes about it though.

Do you believe those who harmed you learned how to be better people or are they still harming others?
I hope that they are better people, because they wont get very far in life if they aren’t. But i know that sadly some of them are still the safe, and they probably won’t change, i see them sometimes and they still treat me the same, but i don’t see them very often luckily. And sadly they are harming other too, i wish they would just grow up.

I would never wish badly upon someone, even the way i’ve been treated by these people. I just hope that they can grow up and become better people so that they can get somewhere in life. I’d like to thank them though too, because they have made me who i am today, and to be honest, i like the type of person i am. Yes they may be the reason for all of my problems, but, they are also the reason for why i created this blog, and the reason why i met all of you amazing people!
So, thank you so much bullies.

If you have anymore questions just comment below or, email me missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk or tweet me @Hidden_Beth
And please, take care and stay strong because we CAN get through this!

Questions & Answers.

19 Mar

Hey!
So i know i’ve done a post like this before but that was a long time ago so time for a new one!

I’m going to do another question and answer blog post, so if you have any questions you want to ask me about bullying and its affects (e.g self harm, depression, anxiety etc), things about school, the support i got or the support thats available, about what’s helped me and what’s not, and anything else you can think of really!
If you can think of any questions please send them to either missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk or @Hidden_Beth and please share so that other people can see too!

Thank you!
Stay Strong

Your Questions.

8 Dec

So time to answer the questions i got!  Thank you to everyone who sent me one 🙂

How does it feel being bullied?
Its hard to explain. Its really upsetting, and it just makes you feel like you’re not good enough, and like you’re alone and no one likes you or wants you, it feels like everytime they say or do something to you your emotions are just building up.

What would be going through your head when these people were bullying you?
That you just need to get away, or you question whether what they are saying is true. When i get bullied i just get really scared so i have worries of what they could do going through my head. It’s different for everyone really 🙂

How did you deal with the effects of bullying?
I think the biggest thing that helped me deal with the effects of bullying is counselling/therapy, and knowing that if i get through this i can help other people going through the same thing. And writing about it helps me too because its just like a release for me and it may help people at the same time.

What after effects has it left?
The biggest after effects are being diagnosed with depression and anxiety because of the bullying, i get so nervous about leaving the house that i decided to leave school because i thought that i would be away from the bullies if i left school but i was wrong. I have lots of scars too that might never go away which are from self harm which i started doing because of the bullying. And its left effects in my family too because i became suicidal because of what some horrible people said/did to me, its sad.

How are you planning to fully forget it (If you ever can)?
I don’t think i’ll ever be able to fully forget it, i don’t think i want to fully forget it either because it’s changed me so much – in a good way, its made me a better person. But i think that by going to therapy i’m trying to make the pain of going through it less intense.

If you could go back and change what happened would you?
Urm, in a way i would and then in another way i wouldn’t. I think i’d change it because it stopped me doing so much, i didn’t really have a childhood and if i could go back and change it i’d get the childhood back but i know that’s impossible. But on the other hand i wouldn’t want to change it because i’ve met so many amazing people because of my experience with bullying and if i went back in time and changed the experience i might never of met them. Also its made me a better person, i understand people a lot more and want to help people.

If you ever met the people who bullied you today, what would you do?
I do see the bullies today, i don’t speak to them, i just wonder if they realise how much pain they’ve caused me and i wonder if they knew that they’d put me through this would they change? And i’d love to ask them how they would feel if when they had children their child told them they were being bullied.

What would you change about how bullying is acted upon? (How would you make sure bullying stops)
I don’t think we can ever make it be stopped fully, but i hope that one day it will be made illegal because that’s what i think should be done. And i think that if there is a bully in a school they should be made to leave instead of the victim having to move schools.

Why do so many adults brush off the worries and concerns kids have when it comes to getting bullied?
I really don’t know, and its sad that they do this. Maybe they just don’t want to accept that someone is hurting their child? Or maybe they just don’t understand or don’t know what to do.

How can we make them see we are asking for help because its so bad we cant handle it on our own anymore?
Maybe you could write a letter explaining what’s happening? Or you could get someone to talk to them for you or be there with you while you talk to them.

What is the best way to stop a bully in its tracks?
Maybe make them aware of what pain they could cause the person they are bullying, maybe they don’t realise what they could cause the victim to do. Or make them know that there will be consequences of their actions.

What can we say during the bullying that will make them stop and leave us alone?
Hmm i’m not sure about this one, i tried just telling them to stop it once but they just mocked me and carried on. I’d just get a teacher to speak to them on your behalf.

How do we build up confidence after having our feelings hurt?
I guess therapy/counselling could help with this, but it takes time and motivation, but you’ll get there if you want it enough, but if you don’t have the motivation it will be much harder.

What are some ways to help others that are going through the same thing?  How do we reach out and make a difference?
Make them know they aren’t alone. I always like to tell people the celebrities that have been bullied. There’s lots of different ways to make a difference, you could tell your story in something like this, you could make anti-bullying videos, you could do fundraising for an anti-bullying charity, you can volunteer for an anti-bullying charity, ah there’s loads more 🙂

How do we get help when there are dead ends everywhere?
If you are trying to get help from someone and they don’t seem to care or understand try and find someone else who will be able to help you more.

Do you think the parents of the bully should be held accountable?
No definetly not, the bullies are the only people that should be held accountable, and they shouldn’t be able to get away with it but i know that most of them do and they just live their lives like they’ve done nothing wrong, this needs to be changed.

How has the bullying experience changed you as a person?
It has made me a better person, and a more understanding person. I’d never hurt anyone because i know what its like to be hurt and i just try to understand what people are going through, instead of judging them.

Who was there to help you?
Teachers were there but i can’t say they helped me but they did try. I tried to get help from my friends in school but they were scared that the bullies would start bullying them too so they couldn’t really help me. I’ve had loads of contact with helplines like samaritans and childline who helped me a lot.  My therapist has been trying to help me too, and she’s never ever given up with me – she’s amazing. But the people that have been there to support me the most are people off twitter, i’ve met some amazing people on twitter and they’ve been with me every step of the way, i owe them a lot, don’t know where i would be without them.

Did you ever find out why they were bullying you?
No, i don’t think they had a reason. I think maybe because i was quiet and i never spoke out they thought i was an easy target.

What do you think could be done to prevent bullying happening anywhere?
I think it should be made illegal, but i doubt this will stop everyone doing it, some people will still carry on sadly.

Get Sending.

8 Dec

Later on today I’ll be answering any questions you send me on bullying or my personal story.
Any questions you can think of send them to left_alone@hotmail.co.uk or to my twitter @Hidden_Beth

Would appreciate any questions, need as many as I can get. Thank you :3