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Nobody can hurt you without your permission.

21 Feb

Hey guys!
It’s been a long time since i’ve posted so this one is very much needed!
I hope you’re all doing okay, i’m sorry i’ve been so quiet, just been really busy with college! I am always here though, if you ever want me or need me, i’m only a message away ♥

I just wanted to write a post with a bit of advice really to those readers who may still be being bullied, or those who are still struggling with the bullying that was in their past.

I know how hard it is to get those comments, and how hard it is to get up everyday just knowing what you are going to have to put up with today, how hard it is to see those people who bully you, how much anger you have for them. Believe me though when i say this, in the future you will be thankful that they put you through what they did, because what they are doing is only making you stronger, and i know this may sound absolutely stupid, but take it from someone who has been there. You may feel so low and so sensitive, but when you come out of this, when all this finally stops, you will be so much stronger, and you will be such a good person, if you let yourself be. You’ve been through this pain, you can say “i don’t want anyone else to go through that” and you can be such a kind person, not judge anyone and not say a bad word to or about anyone, i know right now you won’t be able to see any positive in what you are going through, what you are going through shouldn’t be happening, and more needs to be done to stop it.

Those names they call you, they aren’t true, you’re beautiful, everyone is beautiful, everyone is unique, don’t listen to what they have to say, do they even know you? Have they been your friend, do they know what you are like? Or have they just judged you and decided it would be fun to make your life miserable? I still don’t understand how these people can do this, i mean.. why would you want to call somebody names so that they feel so bad about themselves that they want to change.. they don’t feel good enough for anyone anymore.. i just don’t get it.. I know people say it’s because they have their own problems or that they have low confidence about themselves but.. no i still don’t understand,

Believe me when i say you are good enough, you deserve to be happy, you deserve a great future full of happiness and nothing like this. I know it’s hard at the moment, but things get better, and i really do mean that! I’ve been in your shoes, i’ve been so low that i didn’t want to be alive, i’ve starved myself because these people told me i was fat, so i needed to change right? WRONG! We don’t need to change ourselves, these people will never like us and will never be our friends, so why should we change ourselves for them? We’re great just the way we are, and anyway.. nobody is perfect, not even them!

Just remember guys, you do matter and you are so important!
And things will get better, the future is bright although you may not be able to see the light yet ♥

I’m always thinking of you guys, and i’m only a message away,
Stay Strong,
Beth xxxx

Memories.

17 May

Today i went to pick my friend up from the school that i went to, i’ve never felt so sad before, all the memories just came flooding back to me, i had tears in my eyes, just thinking about how much pain that place gave me.

I’m still so upset, i can’t think of any positives that the school gave me, everything i went through there made me so ill. That is where i started self harming, that is where i walked out to go to the nearest bridge to jump off but my mum got called to come and get me.
They didn’t know what i was planning, they just saw me walk out early and got worried, so they called my Mum to get me.

That place was a horrible place, with horrible memories, and horrible people. 

It didn’t just make me sad, it made me angry too, thinking about all of the teachers there that ‘cared’ about me, well that didn’t last long, as soon as i left, they stopped caring, never called me, never asked about me ever again.
I actually went back inside today, to see if teachers asked how i was etc, but no, nothing just hi, that’s it.

I wish i could write the school a letter, tell them everything i went through during my time there, how i am now, how i can never wear short sleeves again, how i have ended up in hospital a few times due to suicide attempts. They don’t know this is all because of what i went through in their school. They don’t know who else could be going through the same things that i went through in the school. I don’t want anyone else to go through this, in that school, or in ANY school, workplace or ANYWHERE, because don’t you know, bullying doesn’t just happen to young people, it can happen to anyone, any age, any race, any religion etc. 

I hope you like this post, i just tell the truth, i’m no one special, just someone who wants to make a difference and be heard.
Nobody should go through this.


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Please spread this post!

What Teachers Have To Say

15 May

Hey!

So the Record Of Achievements is coming up at schools, so people are preparing, and teachers are giving advice on how to behave and how to act, dress etc.

I got told today that one teacher said that they didn’t want anyone self harming before the ROA because it will look bad for the school and the pupil. Now that has upset me so much and made me so angry!
Why should they care more about how the school looks, they should care more about the pupil and getting them help to stop the self harming!

I’m coming from a personal experience, i’ve self harmed for so long, i was self harming when i was in school and i never got the help that i needed, and i still don’t have the right help, but i’m getting through it myself.

I can’t even explain how angry i am hearing that this teacher has said this!

 

ImageI found this picture on google, because people don’t realise how hard it is to get through self harm, how alone it can make you feel, how much of a struggle it is, but we are fighters, and we are strong, and we can beat this addiction.

Please stay strong.
If you have any questions, advice, suggestions or you’d like to talk or anything please feel free to email me missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk
Also, please comment below and let me know what you think! Are you annoyed too by reading this?

Questions & Answers.

19 Mar

Hey!
So i know i’ve done a post like this before but that was a long time ago so time for a new one!

I’m going to do another question and answer blog post, so if you have any questions you want to ask me about bullying and its affects (e.g self harm, depression, anxiety etc), things about school, the support i got or the support thats available, about what’s helped me and what’s not, and anything else you can think of really!
If you can think of any questions please send them to either missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk or @Hidden_Beth and please share so that other people can see too!

Thank you!
Stay Strong

My Story.

29 Feb

I am going to tell my story here in a little more detail, there is too much to say for me to say everything but, here’s a bit of my story.

I was looking forward to high school, a new place, new people, new start.  I had a few friends that were going to the same school so i wasn’t too worried. On the first day we just got to know the other people in our tutor class and got shown around the school.
So many new faces. I am such a quiet person, and maybe i come across as an unfriendly person too, i’m not sure. But anyway, a few people took a ‘dislike’ to me. They just laughed at me and that didn’t really affect me too much, it made me self concious but it wasn’t really bothering me at the time because i just thought they would grow up and stop it.

In English lessons we had to read out loud to the rest of the class, English was my favourite lesson but then when we started to do this reading out loud things changed.  The people who didn’t really like me started to laugh while i was reading and make comments about me. The teacher just shouted at them which stopped them for that lesson but the next time was the same. The teacher used to choose who would read so i’d pretend to already be reading or to be busy so that she wouldn’t pick me.
In our Food Tech lessons they would throw food at me, throw flour in my hair etc. Stare at me, laugh at me, make comments. If i was asked a question they would just laugh if i got the answer wrong and say that i was stupid.

I’d go into the school canteen to get my dinner and they would make comments saying that i was fat. In the end i started to go to the library instead because i knew they never really went in there. When they walked past the library they would shout through the door and call me a ‘boffin’. I tried to stay away from them as much as i could. When the bell went for the start of next lesson i’d have to walk past them, they would put their feet out infront of me to try and trip me up, or they would push me against the wall or against other people.

I’d also walk down the corridor and have comments made at me, they’d say i was ugly, a slag, fat, useless, waste of space, and so many other things. Some of the people that made comments didn’t even know me, they hadn’t been in a class with me, they didn’t even know my name!

I had been told that i was fat so many times, i cut down on how much i was eating and i started exercising a lot, after leaving sixth form my eating got worse. I haven’t been diagnosed with an eating disorder so i can’t say i have one, but i have lost a lot of weight because they said i was fat.

If they said things to me i wouldn’t reply, i’d just ignore them because that is what i had been told to do. At some point i decided that just ignoring them wasn’t working so i said something back to them, after this they got worse, they just kept repeating the thing that i had said to them.

The bullying didn’t stop when i got home, it would happen online too, people would make fake facebook profiles and add me, they would make statuses about me, put pictures up of someone they thought was ‘ugly’ and tag me in them, make profiles about me, spread more rumours about me, it never stopped.
One day i went out for a walk at night so i could phone the samaritans, i went to my local park so i could be alone and so no one could hear me, i heard some people talking so i started walking home, they started to shout at me saying “what the fuck are you doing here you ugly bitch” they started to walk behind me so i started walking faster, they were still shouting at me, calling me a lot of names, they started running after me swearing at me, there was a big group of them and only one of me. They were so close to catching me but i made it home before they could.
Another day i was in the park with a friend and these people were just walking into the park as we were going to walk out, they stood at the gate and held it closed so we couldn’t get out, they were just standing there not letting us leave, they started to make comments about us, i just ignored them and waited for them to let us leave.

One year i lost all of my friends because of rumours that were being spread about me, i spent a few months alone and not having anyone to talk to. I’d see my ‘friend’s’ in lessons but they had turned into bullies now too, they made comments about me. In the end it got sorted out by a teacher but i still can’t forget what happened with them.

I had a cousin that was in the same year as me but he was totally different to me, he was ‘popular’ and i wasn’t. He was in one class with me, i’d try to speak to him but he would ignore me because he cared more about his popularity than his family. He thought that if he was seen talking to me that would affect his ‘popularity’. He would laugh along with the comments made about me, and sometimes he would make his own. When he found out that i had been in a car crash he said he didn’t care.

So many times i had been to teachers to try and sort this out, i’d been to so many different teachers. One teacher told me  they couldn’t help because they weren’t in my class, another said to just ignore them. In year 11 it started getting worse again, i had been in a car crash, and had a few weeks off school, when i got back i was told that it ‘would of been good if you died’ and at some point i was also told that i deserve to die.
After everything i had been through with these people i started to get really low, and i started to self harm. I started getting thoughts of suicide, and sometimes i had acted on them. I was given counselling, and then because of my ‘suicidal and self harming behaviours’ i was referred to CAMHS (Child and adolescent mental health service) where i was finally diagnosed with depression and social anxiety which i still suffer with now.

I finished my GCSE’s and then i did one year of sixth form where i was still being bullied, after the first year of sixth form i decided not to go back for the second year because of the bullying. I couldn’t put myself through another year of that. I was also too scared to go to college or to get a job, so at the moment, i am doing nothing, no job, no education, and this is why i wish there was a place like Red Balloon for people 18+.

Although i have been through all of this and so much more that i haven’t wrote about, i wouldn’t change my past at all, it has made me who i am today, and it has made me meet all of the amazing people i have met on twitter. The bullies made me a better person!

Do More To Stop This.

17 Feb

So much more needs to be done to stop bullying.
So many people are having to deal with the affects of going through this because it isn’t being dealt with.

Every school has an anti bullying policy but not all of them stick to it, they have this rule for a reason so they should stick to it and help protect their students from this.
Schools should talk about the subject of ‘Bullying’ more often, this may help the students feel more comfortable talking about this if they are being bullied, and this will help people understand what bullying exactly is, some people get bullied but don’t realise they are being bullied.
I think there should be some students in every school that are there every break time for other students to go and speak to, this could be helpful for the students that don’t have many friends, for the students that are worried etc.
Something should be done with the person who has bullied someone else, instead of just talking to them something else should be done, because talking to them doesn’t always work, and sometimes it may get worse.
Every teacher should be trained on how to deal with bullying and every teacher should be able to do something about it instead of there being a certain teacher. If there is just one teacher who is in charge of this they may be too busy to do something about it, so it would be better if other teachers could do something about it too.
It should be made clearer that bullying will not be tolerated in each school so that students are aware, some students don’t know that their school has an anti bullying policy in place.
A record of the bullying should be kept, this can help the student know it is being taken seriously and that it is always being looked at.

But bullying doesn’t only happen in schools, it happens in the workplace, college, uni etc, and something needs to be done to stop that too.

Bullying can happen to anyone of any age.
Together we can stop it.

Try To Understand.

10 Feb

As a victim of bullying i’ve had people tell me a lot of different things to do or not to do. Some people don’t understand some of the things they shouldn’t say to victims of bullying, so i’m writing this to help them understand.

“Just ignore them, they’ll stop soon” – Don’t tell any victim of bullying this because it doesn’t matter how long the bullying lasts, it has emotional affects and the person being bullied should not just ignore them, they should go and get help from someone, whether it be a teacher, friend, family member.
“Don’t tell anyone about it because it will make it worse” – This is a lie, telling someone you are being bullied can help stop the bullying and can make you feel less alone and it can be a relief knowing you have someone you can tell, if the bullying ever gets worse more should be done to stop the bullies.
“Fight back” – If you fight back you will get into trouble too.
“Don’t show them that it is affecting you” – Do you know how hard this is? I’ve tried this. I went through  a year of doing this, it doesn’t work, and it is far from easy, if someone calls you ugly can you pretend not to care? I know that this CAN be affective sometimes but it is so hard to do.

Some things you can do:
– Keep a diary of what happens to you and show it to a teacher at the end of every week or at the end of everyday.
– Tell a teacher, they can speak to the bullies and help stop them.
– Make sure other teachers know so that they can keep an eye out for anything happening.
– Ask about counselling to help you deal with the emotional side of what is happening.
– You can get advice from other people that have been through bullying and see what helped them deal with it.
– If the bullies aren’t stopping speak to the headteacher.
– When out of school you can speak to helplines, they can give you advice on what to do.

Stay strong, don’t let them break you.

You Are Not Alone. Some Statistics.

6 Feb

You are never going through this alone. So many other people are going through it too.

Bullying in school.
– 69% of children in the UK report being bullied
– 87% of  parents report that their child had been bullied in the past 12 months
– 85% had witnessed bullying
– It is estimated that at  least 20 children and adolescents a  year commit suicide because of being bullied
– 1 in 3 young people  who experience bullying truant from school
– 20,000 young people  truant everyday as a result of bullying
(Statistics from Beatbullying.org)

And it isn’t just children and young people being bullied..

Bullying in the workplace
– 18.9 million working days are lost each year as a direct result of workplace bullying
– More than two million people at work consider themselves as being bullied
– 43.5% of employers do not have a policy to deal with workplace bullying
– 82.2% say that weakness in management is the prime reason for bullying
(Statistics from personneltoday.com)

These statistics might even be wrong because a lot of people keep quiet about bullying, or don’t think that they are being bullied when really they are.

Bullying leads to suicide, self harm, eating disorders, people running away and lots of other problems. When is it going to stop?

Stay Strong.
You are better than the bullies.

A Day In The Life Of A Victim.

20 Jan

This was what school was like for me most days, and a lot of other people have to go through similar things.
I don’t want your sympathy, i just want bullying to finally be stopped, and I want other victims to realise they aren’t alone, and we have to fight and stand together to stop this.

As soon as the alarm goes off you start worrying about what school will be like today. You hope that maybe the people who bully you won’t be in today so you can have one day that’s different from the others.
You go to wait for the bus worrying about who else will be on the bus, or where you’ll sit if there are some bullies on the bus. As you get on the bus you see people looking at you, you think they’re just looking at you because you’re so ‘ugly’ as this is what you have been called so many times. You sit down alone and hope this will soon be over. On the bus you listen to music so you can’t hear their comments if they make any.

You arrive at school and go straight to somewhere you can be alone, the library, a classroom, anywhere to be alone. As the bell goes you start walking up to tutor worrying about who you will see on the way to your classroom. You walk with your head down so you can watch for their feet trying to trip you up, and so you can’t see if they say something to you, you can hear what they say but just not being able to see them say it directly to you makes it somehow better because then you think maybe it wasn’t said to you.

You sit down in your seat worrying about who is around, you look behind you because you are used to people throwing things at you from behind. When the teacher arrives it is a relief because they won’t be too bad when there is a teacher around.
You get scared when a teacher asks you to answer a question because if you get that question wrong the bullies laugh at you and call you stupid, it’s weird how they laugh at you but not other people who get the questions wrong. If you know the answer to a question you still don’t answer it because you’re scared they’ll call you names for getting the answer right.

Whenever the teacher leaves a classroom you get scared because this is when the bullies start again, throwing things at you, shouting at you, “you fat slag” “loser”. You just ignore them and concentrate on your work. You do think about leaving the classroom but you worry that they might know you left because of them and you wouldn’t want them to know this so you just sit and pretend you don’t care when really you do.

When dinner time comes you go straight to somewhere you can be alone and somewhere you know they won’t go. The library was somewhere I went every single break time so I felt safe.
I was someone who never ate dinner at school because I was scared to go to the canteen because I knew they went there and I just wanted to stay away from them.

The end of the day seems like the best thing ever.
This was just a normal day for you.

This was what school was like for me when I was there, I have now left. So many other people have to go through something similar. This shouldn’t happen, school should be a safe place for us to learn, you shouldn’t fear going to school. This needs to be stopped.
Together we can stop it.

I am speaking up for every other victim of bullying, I will not be silenced. Please help me get my voice heard.
Thank you.

“Get Over It.”

16 Jan

Someone told me to “Get over it” when i told them about the bullying, i thought maybe of putting them into the situation of being me and all the other victims of bullying and then see if maybe they’d realise you can’t just get over it, it’s not that easy. If one day we could just wake up and decide to be happy don’t you think we would do this.

Do you think being called fat at least once a day for at least a year that you’d just be able to forget about it? Do you not think that this would change the way that person looked at themself and how much they eat or don’t eat..
After being called ugly so much do you think you can just forget someone ever said that to you? Is it easy to get your confidence back after someone has said this to you for so long?
Is it easy to just put someone’s comments behind you if it is still happening? If your confidence is still being lowered how is it possible to build it back up, i know maybe if you took yourself out of the situation it would be easier but you’d still never get over it.
After being told it would be good if you were dead would you not feel alone and not wanted?
Do you think if someone tries to trip you over everyday maybe you might start walking with your head down to make sure they don’t trip you up?
Do you not think you’d be scared to go into public incase you see these people?
Do you not think this would change your life and your view of other people?

Do you not realise what this could do to someone, how calling someone fat could cause an eating disorder, how telling someone they’re better off dead could cause a suicide.

As someone who has been through all of this and is still going through it i’m going to speak for other victims of bullying, i want my voice to be heard. I want to speak for other victims of bullying and i want bullying to be stopped.

They can break us down but we will stand together.
Please help me get my voice heard. Share this? Just please help me get this seen. Thank you.