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Every Moment Matters

31 Jan

Hi Guys.. It’s been a while!!

Thought i’d do an update so you guys know how i’m getting on 🙂

 

There’s a lot to update on.. so here we go..

I am so happy, that’s right, i, me, i never thought i could be this happy, i am so lucky. I am so lucky because i have come so far and i have made it this far, not on my own, with the support of you guys, my family, my friends, the people around me, i have made it through a lot of bad stuff as you guys know, and do you know what, i don’t regret anything i have done or been through as it has made me who i am today.

I am still working as a support worker with the elderly, i love my job, yes it is stressful and demanding in all ways, but i still love it, i work for the moment of happiness i can give people, and i work to put a smile on their faces. I went to a lady the other evening and she wanted to get into bed, i assisted her with this, and do you know what she said to me.. she said ‘why can’t they all be like you’ and then the tears came, she said that about me!! I couldn’t believe it!! I gave her a big hug.

I am in a very happy relationship, i am living with him now, i am so in love, he treats me so well and is so supportive of me, i am so lucky in all ways.

I believe that everything that happened tested me, and i nearly gave in, but i made it through it all, and i am so glad i did.
Thank you so much for reading this! 🙂

STAY STRONG! ❤
Beth

It’s okay to be a glowstick, sometimes we need to break before we shine.

Healed But Still Hurting

12 Jul

Hey Guys,

Yesterday I was brave, I went into my old school as I was picking someone up, and I must say I am proud of myself that I could go in but.. I was expecting too much when I was there.

As i have mentioned in previous posts about the child protection teacher who had a lot of involvement with me, due to my suicidal thoughts and actions, well, I seen her while I was there, and I was hoping and expecting her to be shocked to see me, and for her to come over to speak to me, but i didn’t even get a hello, and it really hurt!

Now I must stay open minded or it’s going to hurt more, so she may not of recognised me, but I haven’t changed that much!

I hope this post doesn’t sound stupid, it’s just made me think maybe I’m not 100% over the past if I can get hurt by something this small, but that lady means a lot to me and I was just hoping for a hello and a hug!

Suicide Awareness Day

10 Sep

Hey Guys!

Haven’t been on here in so long! Going to try and start coming on here more often.
Just thought i’d write a post today as it is suicide awareness day!

To anybody being bullied, please speak to someone, whether it be a teacher, family member, friend or helpline.
You are never alone, there is always someone who cares ❤

Here are some helpines:

Samaritans – www.samaritans.org

Papyrus – www.papyrus-uk.org

Cybermentors – www.cybermentors.org.uk

BulliesOut – www.bulliesout.com

Safe@Last – www.safeatlast.co.uk

ChildLine – www.childline.org.uk

Mind – www.mind.org.uk

“Be strong now because things will get better, it might be stormy now but it can’t rain forever”

Poem.

30 Apr

We feel all alone, small & weak
Scared to go out even to speak
The things they say, the things they do
Would you like it, if it were you?
These are fools we don’t understand
So let’s get together & fight our stand
Unite today & show we’re strong
For were the innocent, we’ve done no wrong

Found this poem (http://www.stampoutbullying.co.uk/)

One Big Step.

18 Mar

Next week i have to take the biggest step i’ve taken for a while, i’m starting a course to get training for a job.
Just thinking about it makes me want to cry because i am so nervous!
I don’t even know if i’ll be able to go at the moment because my anxiety is so bad. I’ll just burst out crying when i get there otherwise.

I am comfortable with the place where the course is because i have been there before, but i don’t know the people. If there is someone there that i know i will be fine, but there probably wont be.

I was hoping to get some medication to control my anxiety before i go, does anyone know of anything that would help?

I really want to do this course but i am just so scared of other people because of what happened when i was in school, i know that it wont be the same as school but there could still be horrible people and that’s what i’m scared of.
I don’t want to carry on like i am anymore because i’m tired of not doing anything because of how people have treated me. I want to prove the people wrong, and show them that i am going to make something out of myself, and i am going to get somewhere in life, even though they did try to stop me.
They carry on their lives like nothing happened and they forget about me, i want to carry on my life and try to forget about them, i know i probably will never fully forget about them, but i want to try.

I just really hope that the other people don’t judge me like people in school did. Yes i am quiet but the more i get to know you the louder i become.

This is such a massive step for me if i do actually do it!

Matt’s Story.

25 Feb

This is the Matt’s story. Follow him on twitter @mattdsgns.

The effect of bullying has had a massive impact on my life and it all started when I was just over 12 years old, 10 years ago. As I am close to turning 22, I now feel it is the right time to let people know of the experience I had when I was bullied and how little the authorities and schools did to help me.

 

When I was in Junior school I loved rugby, I was part of my schools rugby team and really enjoyed playing the game, as I moved over to High School my love for rugby continued with me, except the team I had to play with changed. I no longer enjoyed playing rugby and when I was to join the team by the coach I declined it. This is when the bullying started.

 

I was 12. I was really enjoying my time at school and then all of a sudden, with no reason people just turned on me. I still don’t know why and no body ever gave me a reason, it just seemed that one day everyone hated me.

 

Going to school every morning was the worst feeling in the world, I would walk into the school grounds and it would immediately start. There was no time for me to meet up with any friends I had.  At first it was small things, I would get tripped up in the corridor, teased and laughed at for the smallest things, if my trousers were slightly too short or my shoes were old.  This went on for about 2 months before it got worse.

 

It started getting violent and didn’t just happen in the corridors, it would happen to me in class too, I remember in a Maths lesson, my bag was stolen by some of the bullies and they rooted through it picking out my belongings and throwing it around the class room, they even managed to find a MARS bar which ended its life quite abruptly when it got thrown at the back of my head, this then led to them using things that weren’t mine to hurt me and stealing my belongings.  I remember two occasions on my way to science.  I was walking down the corridor to the lesson with the bullies and I had a brand new pen from a friend who had just come back from Holiday and I loved it. I took it in to school they day I had to use it with pride, I didn’t have that pen for long they learnt I’d liked it so they stole it from me, broke it and threw it on a roof! On a second occasion I remember being pinned against a wall by a science chair (Those big stools you have to sit on when you do experiments).

 

This is when I didn’t want to go into school and it all happened in about 5 months, it’s when going to school for me started becoming a chore, something I hated doing and something I never wanted to do on a daily basis.  At this point I told my parents and they did the best they could to help me out, we went to my Head of Year, who said he’d look into it and he did – he spoke to the bullies about it and they were told to leave me alone in school.  Which would have been amazing – if it had worked. It didn’t work, in fact after this point it got worse, it got really worse – it went from name calling and tripping up to violence. I even got tricked by them, they told me my friend needed me, so I went to help a good friend of mine and I got violently attacked, almost outside my own house. I remember that night to this day as if it was yesterday. I walked slowly round the street I lived on to see what my friend needed. He wasn’t there, I turned around to go back home and I was confronted by three guys on bikes who quickly got off, the leader of the group hit me full on in the face as hard as he could, then I woke up. I don’t remember what happened when I got attacked that night, I just remember being hit in the face and then blacking out, I woke up covered in my own blood surrounded by these three boys laughing. I did the only thing I could do, I got up and ran to the nearest house just as one of the lads tried to grab me to pull me back. I spent the remainder of that night in hospital.

 

This is where I wanted it completely stopped, up until this point it was bearable and now it was getting too dangerous for me to just grin and bare it until the end of school, so we went to the Police, as you can imagine I thought this would certainly be the end of it. – It wasn’t.

 

The Police was were as much help as my school were, they did very little. Which was consisted of them filling out a report and telling me, “Learn self defence.” This was their only solution and advice to someone who had been jumped by three people. From then on School life got worse, I would go in and in the morning I would be hit, kicked, threatened, heckled and laughed at so I would never stay a full day, usually leaving halfway through a day. Avoiding those who had attacked me and those who would bully me some more on the way out.

 

I became suicidal, I didn’t want to live in this world, it got to the point where I wouldn’t want to get out of bed in the morning, every day felt like a chore and I just wanted to stay in an eternal sleep where everything was normal and I was happy.  My social life became non-existent and I would be too scared to go out, I still do not venture into the City where I was bullied.  The schools and authorities did nothing for me and I go into this world with no qualifications and nothing to fall back on, because I was the victim of bullying.

 

And what of the bullies? They spent the rest of their time in school picking on someone else, anyone they could find – yes they finished school and yes they are more qualified than me. The worst thing is they don’t even remember the hell they put me through and the mess they made of my life.  I hope one day they know the pain they caused me all those years ago and I hope I never see or speak to them again.

 

The bullying policies that were put in place didn’t work and I hope that people will learn from this story where to go forward and how they can change peoples lives in school, the authorities need to do more to protect those who are being bullied and the families of those being bullied, as you can tell my life got pretty bad, I’ve had to remove a lot of what happened because of the sheer brutality of the youth. I’m still here today to spread my story with people like Beth and that’s all that counts.

 

I’ll leave you with this. The moment you start hurting yourself, the moment you think less of yourself because of the bullies, they’ve won. You shouldn’t self harm, you shouldn’t go on a diet or make yourself thinner because of them. Whatever they tell you, whatever they do to you is wrong. You are you and that’s all that is ever asked. You are perfect. Don’t let them win.

 

Thanks for reading my story. It means a lot.

Matt.

Speaking Up For Others.

1 Feb

I am still being bullied but it doesn’t stop me speaking up and trying to help others.
I struggle with my depression, anxiety, and a few other things but again, this doesn’t stop me.

Although there are times when i take a break from twitter or times when i turn my phone off, i still come back to doing my blog and helping stop bullying.

I hope that through my blog i will help people realise that, yes it is hard but you can fight through this.

You are never alone, so never think you are, there is always someone out there that will help and support you.

Get Involved.

24 Jan

For my next blog post i need as many people to get involved as possible, if you want to be involved please write “I will not be silenced” on your hand, or a piece of paper etc and send it to me via twitter @Hidden_Beth or email missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk.
You can show your face if you want to but you don’t have to 🙂
All pictures in by the end of the week pleasee!!

Please share this post to help me get more people involved.
Together we can end bullying.

Thank you.

Too Scared For Education.

18 Jan

What happens when someone becomes too scared to go to school/college/uni or even get a job because of the bullying they have been through?

I know of an amazing and strongly needed charity for the recovery of bullied Children up to the age of 18 called the Red Balloon Learner Centre. They are for Children who have been severely bullied and are unable to go to school, they help the Children build back up their confidence and support them to return to school, further  education or employment.
http://redballoonlearner.co.uk/

This is the only help i have heard of to help the victims of bullying build back up their confidence so they can go back into education or get a job. What about people over the age of 18? I know we can go into therapy to try to get over what happened to us but what if therapy doesn’t work?
So many people in work get bullied, and some people will leave work due to this bullying, some people may find another job but what about people who don’t and are too scared to go back into work? A lot of people also leave college and uni due to bullying, too scared to go back incase they get bullied further.

As someone who left education because of bullying and is too scared to get a job or volunteer i wish there was some sort of thing like the Red Balloon Centre for people over 18, where we can still learn and build the confidence to get back into what we were doing. As i am 17 and will be 18 this year I wouldn’t be able to get help from the Red Balloon Centre’s.

You become too scared that the future will be the same, and it stops you moving forward, you just stop everything. You just need help to move forward.
Everyone needs help sometimes.

Help me get my voice heard.
Thank you.

I’m Not Stopping Until Bullying Is Finally Stopped.

1 Jan

I’m still being bullied but it doesn’t stop me helping other victims. It keeps me going and keeps me motivated.

When you tell someone you’re being bullied and all they say is “oh just ignore them” that needs to stop, bullying needs to be sorted out, not just left because it could get worse.
If you just leave it for the victim to deal with you don’t know what they’ll do themselves to stop it. They could fight back, or what if they start doing things to themselves? You could of stopped it from happening.
Victims of bullying may turn to self harm, suicide, and so many other things.

– More than 24,000 teenagers are admitted to hospital in the UK each year due to the severity of their injuries after deliberately harming themselves
– 1 in 12 children and young people deliberately self-harm
(Statistics from www.theplace2be.org.uk)

16 children kill themselves each year because they are being bullied at school and i was nearly one of them. It just seems like the bullying will never stop and that its the only way out and the only way for it to stop.

Bullying can change a person, and i know this because it has changed me. I used to be so happy, but now i struggle with my depression which i was diagnosed with because of the bullying. I struggle with self harm and suicidal thoughts, which have also been caused by the bullying.
The bullying hasn’t just torn me apart, it has affected my family and my friends too. I lost friends because i started self harming, i don’t really have any friends anymore, and i never go out because i’m too scared of seeing the bullies.
I left school because of bullying, and i’m too scared to go to college or get a job. My family say that i’m useless because i’m not doing anything. My cousin says if i don’t get a job she’ll disown me, but she doesn’t know why i haven’t got one and she doesn’t know about my depression or anxiety.

You’re not alone.

When is this going to stop?

I won’t stop until bullying has stopped.
Together we can stop it.

Oh and happy new year to you all!
Follow me on twitter- Hidden_Beth