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Born To Care

14 Jul

2 years is a long time but it has gone so quick in my Job as a support worker with the elderly, and I must say I still absolutely love it. It is such a rewarding job, I have grown in confidence since I started there, I find it funny talking to one of the residents, he used to name me ‘the quiet one’, but a few days ago he said ‘you aren’t the quiet one anymore’ because I have come out of my shell and have grown as an individual.

The job role varies, we assist with medication, personal care, shopping, end of life care and just the individuals day to day lives. We have people with learning disability and mental illness, we have been hit, screamed at, kicked at, but we do this job because.. Well.. We care! This job isn’t for everyone, a lot of people say they don’t know how we can do it, but we love what we do

Unfortunately they have decided to drop our wages and I won’t be able to afford to stay in this job anymore, which is so sad because I love it where I am, and I really don’t want to leave, but unfortunately health care is a very poorly paid job! I’ll keep hold of all the memories and hopefully continue to grow as an individual in another job.

We Can Do This!

10 Jul

Thanks to those that got involved in this post!! 🙂

I know it can seem like the whole World is against you and that you are the only person going through the hard times, while everyone else is having a great time, but really.. are they? :/
It can seem like you are the only person who feels how you feel, and you just want to escape, you just want a break away from everything for a while. You are not alone, no matter what you are going through, someone else is going through it, or has been through it too. You have to stay strong, and believe in yourself because YOU CAN DO THIS!!
It may seem that things will never get better, but believe me, they do

Here are a few statistics i found –
1 million people across the globe die by suicide each year. That’s one suicide every 40 seconds. (from samaritans.org)
244,000 people under 19 are carers – about 23,000 are under nine. (from bbc.co.uk)
– The UK has one of the highest rates of self harm in Europe, at 400 per 100,000 population. (Self-poisoning and self-injury in adults, Clinical Medicine, 2002)
– Almost half (46%) of children and young people say they have been bullied at school at some point in their lives.

I know its hard, but if we can get through it then anybody can, stay strong, and remember, you can do this!
Stay Strong ❤

we can do this
Thanks for reading!
Beth 😀
xoxo

Feel free to contact me, on email missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk on twitter @Hidden_Beth or the facebook page https://www.facebook.com/UnderneathMyMask

Memories.

17 May

Today i went to pick my friend up from the school that i went to, i’ve never felt so sad before, all the memories just came flooding back to me, i had tears in my eyes, just thinking about how much pain that place gave me.

I’m still so upset, i can’t think of any positives that the school gave me, everything i went through there made me so ill. That is where i started self harming, that is where i walked out to go to the nearest bridge to jump off but my mum got called to come and get me.
They didn’t know what i was planning, they just saw me walk out early and got worried, so they called my Mum to get me.

That place was a horrible place, with horrible memories, and horrible people. 

It didn’t just make me sad, it made me angry too, thinking about all of the teachers there that ‘cared’ about me, well that didn’t last long, as soon as i left, they stopped caring, never called me, never asked about me ever again.
I actually went back inside today, to see if teachers asked how i was etc, but no, nothing just hi, that’s it.

I wish i could write the school a letter, tell them everything i went through during my time there, how i am now, how i can never wear short sleeves again, how i have ended up in hospital a few times due to suicide attempts. They don’t know this is all because of what i went through in their school. They don’t know who else could be going through the same things that i went through in the school. I don’t want anyone else to go through this, in that school, or in ANY school, workplace or ANYWHERE, because don’t you know, bullying doesn’t just happen to young people, it can happen to anyone, any age, any race, any religion etc. 

I hope you like this post, i just tell the truth, i’m no one special, just someone who wants to make a difference and be heard.
Nobody should go through this.


Image
Please spread this post!

Group!

25 Apr

Hey!

Ah i’m so excited, i’ve decided i’m going to start my own face to face group for those who have been bullied, so we can support each other through the affects after the bullying has stopped, or if people are still being bullied, we can show them that they can get through it.

You guys don’t realise how much this means to me, this is my motivation, my reason for living, i spoke to my Doctor today, she has seen my blog, she told me that i’m a totally different person on here, and i need to get better. So this is my reason for getting better. So i can do these groups!
What you guys don’t know is that, i am struggling very much, with my depression and self harm, and suicidal thoughts. I have a suicide diary, full of quotes and poems, i have a letter already written.
So please, help me with this group, i really want to do this! I want to get better just so i can do this, to help others! So they don’t have to go through what i have been through.

The group will be in Flintshire, i’m going to have a search around to see if i can get anywhere to hold it, if you are interested, please comment below, email me: missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk or tweet me @Hidden_Beth

Also, if you have any ideas for the group, i would be very thankful to hear them!
Thank you, and please take care!
Don’t let them win! You’re better than them!

Your Questions.

10 Apr

Thank you so much for all of your questions! I hope that these may help someone in some way!

Does bullying happen a lot?/Is it very common?
Yes, i think that everyone is bullied at least once at some point in their life. And most of the time it isn’t reported so we don’t know about it, so i think the statistics of bullying are wrong, because some people don’t speak out about it for various different reasons. It doesn’t just happen in schools, it happens in work places too. And it happens to so many people, wrecks so many people’s lives.

Are some people more likely to be bullied than others?
I hate to say it but yes, it’s completely wrong and shouldn’t happen, but the people that are quiet seem to be targeted, like me, i was so quiet and i still am, and sadly some people don’t try to make friends with the quiet people, when really they could be missing out on a great friendship. But for those of you that are quiet, like me, don’t worry because the people who make the effort to get to know you will be real friends!

Why in the World do some people bully others?
I ask this question a lot, and most people say that it’s because they have their own problems, they may not like themselves and they feel better for making someone else not feel good about themselves, they may want attention, they may do it for their ‘popularity’ – i hate that word, why should you bully someone to look good in someone else’s eyes? Just confuses me so much. You don’t have to make yourself look good to others, if you aren’t ‘good enough’ for someone or for a group of people, then they don’t deserve you!

Why does the bullying so often stay a secret?
I guess sometimes the person who is being bullied may be scared to tell someone incase that person you told spoke to the bully, and then you may think it would get worse, that’s what i thought anyway. Or maybe you think that it’s not important, or that the person you are telling is too busy to be dealing with this issue.

What should i do if i’m being bullied?
Tell someone! A teacher, a family member, a friend, a helpline, just speak to somebody, it can feel so lonely going through this on your own so it’s important that you have someone to help you out. And hopefully the bullying should get sorted out, if not (depending on where the bullying is happening) :
School – Headteacher – They can do more than the other staff members so they should help, and its important that you speak to them, and if it doesn’t stop make sure you go back, and keep going back until it is finally stopped!
Work – Boss – Your boss has to make sure that everything is okay at work, and if something isn’t then they have to sort out the problem.
In the community – Police – I know when i got told that i could go to the police, i thought it was a bit strange, but really, they can help you so much, even if you don’t want to tell them names, they can just give you advice.
Just please tell somebody and get it sorted, it hurts so much to go through so the quicker you get out of the situation and its sorted, the better! You shouldn’t have to go through it!

How do you help someone who is being bullied?
Get proper support for them, make sure the bullying is stopped, talk to them about all the options available, make sure they have someone to talk to if something happens, make sure they know they aren’t going through this on their own. Make sure that they know they can change schools if the bullying still doesn’t stop, but really, they shouldn’t have to move school because you should do everything within your power to stop the bullying!

Can you talk about the effects of bullying? Both in terms of behaviors and feelings and states that get created?
The effects of bullying are so serious, people don’t realise how bad they can be. In my experience, the behaviours that i created were, self harming, cutting down my food, exercising more, taking laxatives, attempting suicide on various occasions  never feeling good enough, never feeling pretty, became very anxious, stayed in the house a lot, i became angry and very upset, i’d stay in my room most of the time because i’d had enough of people, i just wanted to be alone.

What has helped *you* in your experience of having been bullied, at the time and later on?
Hm the hardest bit to answer of this question would be what helped me while i was being bullied, i don’t think the school were very good with helping me, they did try, and i thank them for that, but they could of done so much more. I had counselling while i was going through this time which was helpful sometimes, urm, therapy was helpful sometimes too, i went to CAMHS, because of my self harm and suicidal thoughts and actions, i was told to go to DBT group, to help me with my self harm. Because of how much weight i lost i had to go to see my GP once a week to get weighed, and she gave me support with other things too, and speaking with charities like samaritans was so helpful! They don’t care what you say to them, they won’t tell anyone, and they just want to help you, and they care so much!

Is there anything you can to help those who are the bullies? Is there anything we can do to affect them and help them change their behaviors?
I guess we can just tell them and show them what their actions and words can do to someone. Find out why they are doing it, and if they are doing it because they have their own problems then get them support for their problems so they can work through it/them. If they are doing it for popularity then just ask why they want to be friends with people who they aren’t good enough for already? Because everyone is good enough, and if people can’t see that then, leave them, you can find better people.

When you were being bullied, were there times when you blamed yourself, thinking it must be something you were doing wrong?
Yes, i used to think it was something i was doing wrong all of the time, i wasn’t doing what everyone else my age was doing, so i just thought it was because of that, but then i realised that its nothing to do with me, its their problem, and even if i did change myself i would still get treated the same, so i decided to just stay the same and be liked for who i really am.

How about describing how it all started, little things that you try &ignore but then get bigger.Many know the affect may not see the start.
It started as really small things really, the odd comment, rumours being spread every now and then, i just thought it would stop after a while, i didn’t think it would ever get worse. And even  though it wasn’t happening much, i still told somebody. It didn’t affect me much at first either, but the more it happened, the more it affected me. I just tried to ignore it, because of how little it happened, but it just got worse in time. And it is so so hard to try and ignore something like this when it is happening to you, i know it sounds so easy when you tell someone to ignore it, but believe me, it’s easier said than done.

How would you explain to family/friends that you aren’t fixed like they think and that you still self harm?
I have this problem so often, especially with summer coming up now. I know that it is so hard to tell someone that you still do it, i guess its easier to write it down? Or one day when someone says something about it, just come out with it and tell them. Or maybe you could get someone else to tell them? Like someone that already knows? Just explain to them that you want someone to know but you are finding it hard to tell them yourself. Don’t go through this on your own.

What do you think are the main causes of bullying?
I think one of the main causes is how judgemental people are, as soon as you see someone its hard not to judge them on their appearance, but just because of how someone looks, you shouldn’t not talk to them. Popularity is a cause of bullying in school, young people care so much about how popular they are with the other people, that they will do things just to get more popular. And also, the person who is doing the bullying, their own problems are what cause them to bully, just like one of the questions above, bullying someone and making that person feel bad, might make them feel better about themselves.

Did your mind make you think that there were more people involved/against you then there actually were?
I guess so after a while yes, because my self esteem and confidence had got so low, so the littlest things would get to me. I knew that some people were just being silly, i knew there were the few ‘main’ people who did it the most.

If you feel depressed or anxious, does music ever help you to feel better?
Yes! I always listen to music when i feel down or anxious, sometimes when i go for a walk on my own i’ll listen to music so that i don’t feel too bad, it kind of takes my mind of feeling anxious a bit. Sometimes when i feel depressed i listen to sad music, which may not be the best idea, but it just helps to listen to someone singing about how you’re feeling, because that’s just another person who’s been through it, and got through it, and i will too.

Did you have a special friend that you could confide in or gain support from?
I had a few friends but they couldn’t really support me, sometimes they’d say something if someone says something to me because in the end i got too afraid to speak back, but i guess sometimes they were quite worried that if they said something they would start bullying them too. I did talk to my friends sometimes about it though.

Do you believe those who harmed you learned how to be better people or are they still harming others?
I hope that they are better people, because they wont get very far in life if they aren’t. But i know that sadly some of them are still the safe, and they probably won’t change, i see them sometimes and they still treat me the same, but i don’t see them very often luckily. And sadly they are harming other too, i wish they would just grow up.

I would never wish badly upon someone, even the way i’ve been treated by these people. I just hope that they can grow up and become better people so that they can get somewhere in life. I’d like to thank them though too, because they have made me who i am today, and to be honest, i like the type of person i am. Yes they may be the reason for all of my problems, but, they are also the reason for why i created this blog, and the reason why i met all of you amazing people!
So, thank you so much bullies.

If you have anymore questions just comment below or, email me missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk or tweet me @Hidden_Beth
And please, take care and stay strong because we CAN get through this!

First Day Of Work.

12 Nov

OMG i was so scared and i still am.
Arrived early and i got introduced to everyone, they were all lovely, then i waited for this lady to arrive who would be talking me through things and telling me what to do etc.
I spoke a bit to a lady who was opposite me on another desk, i’m not very good at talking though so tried my best. Forgot everyone’s names already. I got given a few little thing’s to do because it was my first day, like making tea’s and coffee’s for everyone and doing paperwork and stuff.

Think i found of today how ill i still am :/ Was sitting there most of the time just thinking about painkillers and how i could go to the shop to buy some. I hate being ill like this, it’s so scary. And it’s so hard trying to concentrate on work when you’re having these thoughts etc.

I had an hour’s dinner, i didn’t know what to do at all, i can’t really go anywhere on my own so i just got outside and decided to go to see these people i know in this other office, as soon as i got into their office and they started asking how work’s going i started crying, i was so scared and so nervous. I sat with them and had my dinner with them, and just spent most of the time on facebook :3

The people were all very welcoming, i just wish i was more talkative, i hate being quiet! Hopefully i won’t be as scared and nervous tomorrow!

Thanks for all of your support. Means a lot.
Stay Strong.

What About Us?

8 Mar

There are so many helplines for children and young people, and now that i’m reaching the age of 18 i’m starting to worry about not being able to get help.
I’ve had a few people talk to me about bullying in work so i am writing this post.

I haven’t seen any helpines for people being bullied over the age of 18, it seems like people don’t think it happens.
I know i’ve wrote about this before but i keep looking and i don’t really find much, and i’ve had a lot more people come to me and tell me they are being bullied at work so i wanted to write more about it.

Bullying can happen to anyone, of any age, and can happen anywhere. Uni, college, work, school, home, online etc.

Lea’s Story:

 

As a child, I was pretty lucky. Despite always tending to be a tad heavier than the other kids, I wasn’t picked on. Despite being fairly withdrawn and somewhat odd in high school, I was never teased. I survived my school years relatively unscathed. It was not until I reached my early 30’s that I came face-to-face with my bully -my boss.
I worked for a small company with approximately a dozen employees for several years. I successfully worked for one manager and then another earning pay raises and positive annual reviews. Then, I was promoted. My promotion, unfortunately, landed me under the supervision of the second highest ranked person in the office. We’ll call her Stacy.
Stacy was our company’s bully. She’d been with the organization since it’s creation -even longer than the president of the company. She apparently felt very secure in her position and with her status within the company and community. She worked very hard and thrived on her successes.
However, Stacy had issues. She indulged her anger and frustration by shouting at her employees and belittling us in front of one another. Tears often flowed within the walls of our offices. The turnover rate was high. People routinely quit of their own free-will, were forced to resign or were fired. In five years, I can recall six employees (out of a staff of about a dozen) who left. I know, for a fact, three employees sought out counseling to deal with Stacy’s bullying. Essentially, Stacy caused a quarter of her workforce to seek therapy!
Stacy’s worst, and most feared, bullying tactic often took place behind closed doors. During weekly meetings, each staff member under her direct supervision was required to meet with her to provide updates on projects. Stacy seemed to revel in making us squirm. Instead of providing guidance to her employees, she sought to humiliate us at every opportunity. The tone of her voice was both condescending and cruel.
Moreover, she often set her employees up for failure. She assigned tasks that could not possibly be completed on time or the way she wanted them done. She promoted me to a position I was not qualified for because it was easier on her. I was responsible for developing a program from scratch even though I had no background or experience in that particular area. The number of goals she set forth for this program were entirely unattainable -even for someone who knew what she was doing. I failed miserably.
During the course of the two years she was my manager, I slowly unraveled emotionally. Our company was too small to have a human resources department. So there was no one to talk to about my manager’s behavior. The president of our company wanted nothing to do with “personal” problems. We employees occasionally talked amongst ourselves seeking encouragement and understanding. However, in a professional setting, it is unwise to complain too much about the boss with fellow co-workers lest your complaints make their way back to the boss.
Eventually, after a certain nasty situation, Stacy decided she really did not like me, did not want to work with me, and essentially made it her mission to get me to quit. The last six months of my employment were dreadful. Stacy gave me the silent treatment. Except when we had an official one-on-one meeting, she did not speak to me. We had fewer and fewer meetings, which was fine with me but also detrimental to my career! She went around me to get information about projects I was working on. She took projects she knew I enjoyed away and left me with projects she knew I didn’t want. Occasionally, she sent me a snarky email. She never smiled at me if we passed in the hall or during our weekly all-hands staff meeting. Being ignored by your boss is terrifying.
At the same time, my job performance declined substantially! After two years of criticism and fear, I think I just gave up. I did become fairly incompetent and a rather bad employee. I was afraid of any sort of confrontation with Stacy, so I hid from her as often as I could. I literally hid in the bathroom when I heard her voice in the halls of our small office building fearing she might pass by -or worse enter- my office. On more than one occasion, I caused myself to throw up, the sound of which was audible outside the small bathroom, so I could leave early. The last few months of employment, I began calling in sick.
Once, I went to my doctor essentially asking for time off! Knowing I have long suffered from depression, he gave me a note for a week out of work so I could attempt to gather myself together! Though, ironically, the bullying I experienced at my job did in fact make me sick. I constantly had stomach aches, headaches and I was diagnosed with Temporomandibular Joint Disorder (I clenched my jaw shut causing pain, which stopped entirely when I no longer worked there). I was also diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and prescribed medication.
I wasn’t sleeping well and could not concentrate at work. Some days, during my last few weeks, I sat staring at my computer screen the majority of the day. I typed nothing mindlessly and then deleted it just so it would appear I was working.
From the ages of about 12 to 22, I was a self injurer. After I graduated college, I was able to stop. However, the stress from my boss’ bullying caused me to begin self injuring again. I started scratching myself, something I’d never done before. I knew I was in serious trouble, so I scheduled an appointment with a therapist. I hadn’t been in therapy since college. The trauma of beginning to self injure again and returning to therapy, along with two years of bullying, caused me to have a nervous breakdown of sorts. The day after my first therapy session I went back to my regular doctor and showed him my injuries. He hospitalized me.
I ended up losing my job.
Looking back, I wish I had quit my job and found a new one! Unfortunately, I was too afraid. I was afraid my boss would find out I was looking for a new job and make life worse. In reality, if I went to her and told her I was looking for a new job, she probably would’ve helped me find one (to be rid of me)! But, I also lost confidence in myself and my abilities. I was afraid no other employer would want me. So, I stayed and suffered.
Having a bully at work, especially a bully who is in a position of authority, presents unique problems. Jobs provide essential income for a myriad of living expenses. Losing my job meant losing my ability to pay for my housing, utilities, food, and insurance. For many people, losing a job can literally result in homelessness and hunger! Being bullied at work can seem like a hopeless, no-way-out situation. However, I would encourage anyone who experiences bullying at work to find a way out. Contact human resources if your company has a human resources department. Find a new job, if you feel you need to leave your employer. You may have to take a job in a different field or one that pays less, but it’s worth it. The painful effects of bullying are too great to justify staying and suffering.
Releasing Lunacy
Please note: This post was written exclusively for @Hidden_Beth at https://underneathmymask.wordpress.com/ (because she rocks!). I ask that no one republishes this post (in part or in its entirety) without my written permission. Contact me at releasinglunacy@yahoo.com. Thanks!


*Please comment below with any helplines for people being bullied that support people over the age of 18, or tweet me – @Hidden_Beth, thank you*

Do More To Stop This.

17 Feb

So much more needs to be done to stop bullying.
So many people are having to deal with the affects of going through this because it isn’t being dealt with.

Every school has an anti bullying policy but not all of them stick to it, they have this rule for a reason so they should stick to it and help protect their students from this.
Schools should talk about the subject of ‘Bullying’ more often, this may help the students feel more comfortable talking about this if they are being bullied, and this will help people understand what bullying exactly is, some people get bullied but don’t realise they are being bullied.
I think there should be some students in every school that are there every break time for other students to go and speak to, this could be helpful for the students that don’t have many friends, for the students that are worried etc.
Something should be done with the person who has bullied someone else, instead of just talking to them something else should be done, because talking to them doesn’t always work, and sometimes it may get worse.
Every teacher should be trained on how to deal with bullying and every teacher should be able to do something about it instead of there being a certain teacher. If there is just one teacher who is in charge of this they may be too busy to do something about it, so it would be better if other teachers could do something about it too.
It should be made clearer that bullying will not be tolerated in each school so that students are aware, some students don’t know that their school has an anti bullying policy in place.
A record of the bullying should be kept, this can help the student know it is being taken seriously and that it is always being looked at.

But bullying doesn’t only happen in schools, it happens in the workplace, college, uni etc, and something needs to be done to stop that too.

Bullying can happen to anyone of any age.
Together we can stop it.

You Are Not Alone. Some Statistics.

6 Feb

You are never going through this alone. So many other people are going through it too.

Bullying in school.
– 69% of children in the UK report being bullied
– 87% of  parents report that their child had been bullied in the past 12 months
– 85% had witnessed bullying
– It is estimated that at  least 20 children and adolescents a  year commit suicide because of being bullied
– 1 in 3 young people  who experience bullying truant from school
– 20,000 young people  truant everyday as a result of bullying
(Statistics from Beatbullying.org)

And it isn’t just children and young people being bullied..

Bullying in the workplace
– 18.9 million working days are lost each year as a direct result of workplace bullying
– More than two million people at work consider themselves as being bullied
– 43.5% of employers do not have a policy to deal with workplace bullying
– 82.2% say that weakness in management is the prime reason for bullying
(Statistics from personneltoday.com)

These statistics might even be wrong because a lot of people keep quiet about bullying, or don’t think that they are being bullied when really they are.

Bullying leads to suicide, self harm, eating disorders, people running away and lots of other problems. When is it going to stop?

Stay Strong.
You are better than the bullies.

Never Think You’re Alone.

6 Dec

I know it can seem like you’re the only person being bullied but you’re never the only person. So many people get bullied everyday.
They may call you names but nobody is perfect and the things they say won’t be true. They have no reason to bully anyone and you are not to blame.
Don’t keep it to yourself, tell someone and get it stopped. Nobody should have to put up with this but i know that some people will be too scared to tell someone but you shouldn’t let them control your life and they should be stopped.

Bullying In Schools:
– 38% of young people have been affected by cyber-bullying.
– Almost half (46%) of children and young people say they have been bullied at school at some point in their lives.
(Stats from nspcc.co.uk)

Bullying In Work:
– More than two million people at work consider themselves as being bullied
-43.5% of employers do not have a policy to deal with workplace bullying
(stats from personneltoday.com)

“Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke.”
Stay Strong. Don’t Let Them Win.

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