Tag Archives: bullying

Faded The View Of Myself

3 Aug

Hi guys!

I just wanted to post about life after bullying, obviously this can vary depending on everyone’s different experiences but I just wanted to make people realise the affects of bullying, not only are there serious effects on the person during the bullying but this could affect the individuals future after the bullying too!

I would love to one day forget all those nasty words that were said, but I am still living in the picture they painted of me, that ugly, fat girl. I often cry when I look at myself in the mirror as I am disgusted with what I see standing in front of me. The bullies have faded the view I have of myself, 4 years on and I’m still struggling.

My low self esteem affects me everyday, I just want to feel pretty and good enough for myself but I can’t see that ever happening, I am so unhappy with the way I look. My boyfriend is very good and supportive with me, he tells me I am beautiful but I just can’t see it, I feel so ugly all the time, and I have to admit I take a lot of pictures of myself to try and make myself feel pretty, and to try to say to myself ‘oh that’s a good picture of me’ but I just don’t see myself anything other than ugly.

It’s horrible to think that’s it’s been 4 years since I left school and I’m still letting it affect my life, but those years of bullying have really affected me and probably always will in some way!

Sorry for the negative post guys ❤️

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Nobody can hurt you without your permission.

21 Feb

Hey guys!
It’s been a long time since i’ve posted so this one is very much needed!
I hope you’re all doing okay, i’m sorry i’ve been so quiet, just been really busy with college! I am always here though, if you ever want me or need me, i’m only a message away ♥

I just wanted to write a post with a bit of advice really to those readers who may still be being bullied, or those who are still struggling with the bullying that was in their past.

I know how hard it is to get those comments, and how hard it is to get up everyday just knowing what you are going to have to put up with today, how hard it is to see those people who bully you, how much anger you have for them. Believe me though when i say this, in the future you will be thankful that they put you through what they did, because what they are doing is only making you stronger, and i know this may sound absolutely stupid, but take it from someone who has been there. You may feel so low and so sensitive, but when you come out of this, when all this finally stops, you will be so much stronger, and you will be such a good person, if you let yourself be. You’ve been through this pain, you can say “i don’t want anyone else to go through that” and you can be such a kind person, not judge anyone and not say a bad word to or about anyone, i know right now you won’t be able to see any positive in what you are going through, what you are going through shouldn’t be happening, and more needs to be done to stop it.

Those names they call you, they aren’t true, you’re beautiful, everyone is beautiful, everyone is unique, don’t listen to what they have to say, do they even know you? Have they been your friend, do they know what you are like? Or have they just judged you and decided it would be fun to make your life miserable? I still don’t understand how these people can do this, i mean.. why would you want to call somebody names so that they feel so bad about themselves that they want to change.. they don’t feel good enough for anyone anymore.. i just don’t get it.. I know people say it’s because they have their own problems or that they have low confidence about themselves but.. no i still don’t understand,

Believe me when i say you are good enough, you deserve to be happy, you deserve a great future full of happiness and nothing like this. I know it’s hard at the moment, but things get better, and i really do mean that! I’ve been in your shoes, i’ve been so low that i didn’t want to be alive, i’ve starved myself because these people told me i was fat, so i needed to change right? WRONG! We don’t need to change ourselves, these people will never like us and will never be our friends, so why should we change ourselves for them? We’re great just the way we are, and anyway.. nobody is perfect, not even them!

Just remember guys, you do matter and you are so important!
And things will get better, the future is bright although you may not be able to see the light yet ♥

I’m always thinking of you guys, and i’m only a message away,
Stay Strong,
Beth xxxx

Keep The Strength.

22 Jul

I have some bad news, the bullying is starting up again, i’m getting messages on facebook and words said to my face, or when i walk past them, the main person causing this is an old best friend, she knows what i went through when i was bullied in school, she knows how ill i got. It’s so sad that she’s treating me like this, she wrote on facebook that she wishes i was dead. What she doesn’t know is that, i’m still very much suicidal, so it is so easy for me to say “you know what, i’ll do what you want, i’ll go and die”
It’s disgusting what she is doing, and very upsetting for me, how am i supposed to get better now this is starting up again?

I can feel myself getting worse again, i just want to cry all the time, i’m so fed up, but i have to battle through! I’ve been called all the names they can call me already, so nothing new there, i just have to let it go over my head!

I’m exhausted from recovery, i don’t need this happening too, i have to try so hard everyday to get through it, but now it’s even harder!

I can do this right? I can get through this again, i’ve done it before, i know it was hard but i have to do this!

Stay Strong With Me x

We Can Do This!

10 Jul

Thanks to those that got involved in this post!! 🙂

I know it can seem like the whole World is against you and that you are the only person going through the hard times, while everyone else is having a great time, but really.. are they? :/
It can seem like you are the only person who feels how you feel, and you just want to escape, you just want a break away from everything for a while. You are not alone, no matter what you are going through, someone else is going through it, or has been through it too. You have to stay strong, and believe in yourself because YOU CAN DO THIS!!
It may seem that things will never get better, but believe me, they do

Here are a few statistics i found –
1 million people across the globe die by suicide each year. That’s one suicide every 40 seconds. (from samaritans.org)
244,000 people under 19 are carers – about 23,000 are under nine. (from bbc.co.uk)
– The UK has one of the highest rates of self harm in Europe, at 400 per 100,000 population. (Self-poisoning and self-injury in adults, Clinical Medicine, 2002)
– Almost half (46%) of children and young people say they have been bullied at school at some point in their lives.

I know its hard, but if we can get through it then anybody can, stay strong, and remember, you can do this!
Stay Strong ❤

we can do this
Thanks for reading!
Beth 😀
xoxo

Feel free to contact me, on email missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk on twitter @Hidden_Beth or the facebook page https://www.facebook.com/UnderneathMyMask

Group!

25 Apr

Hey!

Ah i’m so excited, i’ve decided i’m going to start my own face to face group for those who have been bullied, so we can support each other through the affects after the bullying has stopped, or if people are still being bullied, we can show them that they can get through it.

You guys don’t realise how much this means to me, this is my motivation, my reason for living, i spoke to my Doctor today, she has seen my blog, she told me that i’m a totally different person on here, and i need to get better. So this is my reason for getting better. So i can do these groups!
What you guys don’t know is that, i am struggling very much, with my depression and self harm, and suicidal thoughts. I have a suicide diary, full of quotes and poems, i have a letter already written.
So please, help me with this group, i really want to do this! I want to get better just so i can do this, to help others! So they don’t have to go through what i have been through.

The group will be in Flintshire, i’m going to have a search around to see if i can get anywhere to hold it, if you are interested, please comment below, email me: missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk or tweet me @Hidden_Beth

Also, if you have any ideas for the group, i would be very thankful to hear them!
Thank you, and please take care!
Don’t let them win! You’re better than them!

Your Questions.

10 Apr

Thank you so much for all of your questions! I hope that these may help someone in some way!

Does bullying happen a lot?/Is it very common?
Yes, i think that everyone is bullied at least once at some point in their life. And most of the time it isn’t reported so we don’t know about it, so i think the statistics of bullying are wrong, because some people don’t speak out about it for various different reasons. It doesn’t just happen in schools, it happens in work places too. And it happens to so many people, wrecks so many people’s lives.

Are some people more likely to be bullied than others?
I hate to say it but yes, it’s completely wrong and shouldn’t happen, but the people that are quiet seem to be targeted, like me, i was so quiet and i still am, and sadly some people don’t try to make friends with the quiet people, when really they could be missing out on a great friendship. But for those of you that are quiet, like me, don’t worry because the people who make the effort to get to know you will be real friends!

Why in the World do some people bully others?
I ask this question a lot, and most people say that it’s because they have their own problems, they may not like themselves and they feel better for making someone else not feel good about themselves, they may want attention, they may do it for their ‘popularity’ – i hate that word, why should you bully someone to look good in someone else’s eyes? Just confuses me so much. You don’t have to make yourself look good to others, if you aren’t ‘good enough’ for someone or for a group of people, then they don’t deserve you!

Why does the bullying so often stay a secret?
I guess sometimes the person who is being bullied may be scared to tell someone incase that person you told spoke to the bully, and then you may think it would get worse, that’s what i thought anyway. Or maybe you think that it’s not important, or that the person you are telling is too busy to be dealing with this issue.

What should i do if i’m being bullied?
Tell someone! A teacher, a family member, a friend, a helpline, just speak to somebody, it can feel so lonely going through this on your own so it’s important that you have someone to help you out. And hopefully the bullying should get sorted out, if not (depending on where the bullying is happening) :
School – Headteacher – They can do more than the other staff members so they should help, and its important that you speak to them, and if it doesn’t stop make sure you go back, and keep going back until it is finally stopped!
Work – Boss – Your boss has to make sure that everything is okay at work, and if something isn’t then they have to sort out the problem.
In the community – Police – I know when i got told that i could go to the police, i thought it was a bit strange, but really, they can help you so much, even if you don’t want to tell them names, they can just give you advice.
Just please tell somebody and get it sorted, it hurts so much to go through so the quicker you get out of the situation and its sorted, the better! You shouldn’t have to go through it!

How do you help someone who is being bullied?
Get proper support for them, make sure the bullying is stopped, talk to them about all the options available, make sure they have someone to talk to if something happens, make sure they know they aren’t going through this on their own. Make sure that they know they can change schools if the bullying still doesn’t stop, but really, they shouldn’t have to move school because you should do everything within your power to stop the bullying!

Can you talk about the effects of bullying? Both in terms of behaviors and feelings and states that get created?
The effects of bullying are so serious, people don’t realise how bad they can be. In my experience, the behaviours that i created were, self harming, cutting down my food, exercising more, taking laxatives, attempting suicide on various occasions  never feeling good enough, never feeling pretty, became very anxious, stayed in the house a lot, i became angry and very upset, i’d stay in my room most of the time because i’d had enough of people, i just wanted to be alone.

What has helped *you* in your experience of having been bullied, at the time and later on?
Hm the hardest bit to answer of this question would be what helped me while i was being bullied, i don’t think the school were very good with helping me, they did try, and i thank them for that, but they could of done so much more. I had counselling while i was going through this time which was helpful sometimes, urm, therapy was helpful sometimes too, i went to CAMHS, because of my self harm and suicidal thoughts and actions, i was told to go to DBT group, to help me with my self harm. Because of how much weight i lost i had to go to see my GP once a week to get weighed, and she gave me support with other things too, and speaking with charities like samaritans was so helpful! They don’t care what you say to them, they won’t tell anyone, and they just want to help you, and they care so much!

Is there anything you can to help those who are the bullies? Is there anything we can do to affect them and help them change their behaviors?
I guess we can just tell them and show them what their actions and words can do to someone. Find out why they are doing it, and if they are doing it because they have their own problems then get them support for their problems so they can work through it/them. If they are doing it for popularity then just ask why they want to be friends with people who they aren’t good enough for already? Because everyone is good enough, and if people can’t see that then, leave them, you can find better people.

When you were being bullied, were there times when you blamed yourself, thinking it must be something you were doing wrong?
Yes, i used to think it was something i was doing wrong all of the time, i wasn’t doing what everyone else my age was doing, so i just thought it was because of that, but then i realised that its nothing to do with me, its their problem, and even if i did change myself i would still get treated the same, so i decided to just stay the same and be liked for who i really am.

How about describing how it all started, little things that you try &ignore but then get bigger.Many know the affect may not see the start.
It started as really small things really, the odd comment, rumours being spread every now and then, i just thought it would stop after a while, i didn’t think it would ever get worse. And even  though it wasn’t happening much, i still told somebody. It didn’t affect me much at first either, but the more it happened, the more it affected me. I just tried to ignore it, because of how little it happened, but it just got worse in time. And it is so so hard to try and ignore something like this when it is happening to you, i know it sounds so easy when you tell someone to ignore it, but believe me, it’s easier said than done.

How would you explain to family/friends that you aren’t fixed like they think and that you still self harm?
I have this problem so often, especially with summer coming up now. I know that it is so hard to tell someone that you still do it, i guess its easier to write it down? Or one day when someone says something about it, just come out with it and tell them. Or maybe you could get someone else to tell them? Like someone that already knows? Just explain to them that you want someone to know but you are finding it hard to tell them yourself. Don’t go through this on your own.

What do you think are the main causes of bullying?
I think one of the main causes is how judgemental people are, as soon as you see someone its hard not to judge them on their appearance, but just because of how someone looks, you shouldn’t not talk to them. Popularity is a cause of bullying in school, young people care so much about how popular they are with the other people, that they will do things just to get more popular. And also, the person who is doing the bullying, their own problems are what cause them to bully, just like one of the questions above, bullying someone and making that person feel bad, might make them feel better about themselves.

Did your mind make you think that there were more people involved/against you then there actually were?
I guess so after a while yes, because my self esteem and confidence had got so low, so the littlest things would get to me. I knew that some people were just being silly, i knew there were the few ‘main’ people who did it the most.

If you feel depressed or anxious, does music ever help you to feel better?
Yes! I always listen to music when i feel down or anxious, sometimes when i go for a walk on my own i’ll listen to music so that i don’t feel too bad, it kind of takes my mind of feeling anxious a bit. Sometimes when i feel depressed i listen to sad music, which may not be the best idea, but it just helps to listen to someone singing about how you’re feeling, because that’s just another person who’s been through it, and got through it, and i will too.

Did you have a special friend that you could confide in or gain support from?
I had a few friends but they couldn’t really support me, sometimes they’d say something if someone says something to me because in the end i got too afraid to speak back, but i guess sometimes they were quite worried that if they said something they would start bullying them too. I did talk to my friends sometimes about it though.

Do you believe those who harmed you learned how to be better people or are they still harming others?
I hope that they are better people, because they wont get very far in life if they aren’t. But i know that sadly some of them are still the safe, and they probably won’t change, i see them sometimes and they still treat me the same, but i don’t see them very often luckily. And sadly they are harming other too, i wish they would just grow up.

I would never wish badly upon someone, even the way i’ve been treated by these people. I just hope that they can grow up and become better people so that they can get somewhere in life. I’d like to thank them though too, because they have made me who i am today, and to be honest, i like the type of person i am. Yes they may be the reason for all of my problems, but, they are also the reason for why i created this blog, and the reason why i met all of you amazing people!
So, thank you so much bullies.

If you have anymore questions just comment below or, email me missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk or tweet me @Hidden_Beth
And please, take care and stay strong because we CAN get through this!

My Dream.

5 Mar

Do you know what my biggest dream is, it’s to live in a World where people aren’t afraid to be themselves, where people aren’t judged for what they look like before someone even tries to get to know them, where we can walk down the street without being scared of what comments might be thrown at us, where we can carry on with our education or work instead of being too scared incase we get bullied again and so much more.

 

People don’t realise how serious bullying is, if you listen to the stories people tell you about their experiences and what they have been through because of bullying you will start to understand.

 

If someone doesn’t like you because of the way you look or the way you dress or anything, then the truth is, they don’t deserve you. You will find people who love you for who you are and accept you for who you are and they’re the real friends.

Another big dream of mine is to one day work for an anti bullying charity or to maybe even create my own. I just absolutely love trying to help stop bullying.

 

Stay Strong And Speak Up.

Don’t Be Silenced.

@Hidden_Beth