Hey Warrior.

Today is mental health awareness day, so i really wanted to make a new blog post.

1 in 6 adults experiences a common mental health problem, such as anxiety or depression and 1 in 5 adults has considered taking their own life at some point. (Statistics found at: www.mentalhealth.org.uk)

Mental health is often a topic that is not talked about for many different reasons, for example some people feel that they may be judged. So many people can experience a mental health problem through their lifetime for so many different reasons, my experience and my reason for the mental health issues i have or have had are due to years of bullying through childhood.

Mental health problems affect about 1 in 10 children and young people. (Statistics found at: www.mentalhealth.org.uk)

The risks that come with all mental health issues can be permanent decisions that someone makes while they are in a dark place, and unfortunately as i have experienced you really believe in those moments that this is something you really want to do, but believe me, this is never the answer.

Through my journey i have been in some very dark places, i have made decisions that will always stay with me, and some of those i regret so much, and if i could go and talk myself out of it i would.
Poor mental health can be a scary and lonely thing to go through, it feels like the World is on your shoulders and you just want a way out, believe me, i understand how it feels. It feels like no one understands, it is horrible all the things that can go through your head.
All of this, all of the pain, all of the emptiness, it can all go away, it just takes time, and it is so worth it. Don’t get me wrong, you can still have a bad day every now and then, maybe a memory just pops into your head and things flood back, but all of the happiness is worth it, you are worth it.

I recommend having people around you who will support you, take up a new hobby, maybe start a blog or write in a diary, find some profession help.

Please find below some helplines, and a very important quote.

www.anxietyuk.org.uk (Charity providing support if you’ve been diagnosed with an anxiety condition)

www.bipolaruk.org.uk (A charity helping people living with manic depression or bipolar disorder)

www.thecalmzone.net (CALM is the Campaign Against Living Miserably, for men aged 15 to 35)

www.depressionalliance.org (Charity for sufferers of depression. Has a network of self-help groups)

www.mind.org.uk (Promotes the views and needs of people with mental health problems)

www.papyrus-uk.org (Young suicide prevention society)

www.samaritans.org.uk (Confidential support for people experiencing feelings of distress or despair)

One of the big charities i have to mention in this blog post who i have contact with through my twitter and have so much support for is Red Balloon Learner Centres, they support young people who are missing education because of bullying or other trauma. I understand how amazing they are and how this kind of support is needed so much, young people shouldn’t have to miss education due to bullying or trauma. Please take a look at this amazing charity: www.redballoonlearner.org

Please stay strong, please be honest and open about mental health, it is time to end the stigma.
You are strong, you are enough. ❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎

Thank you for reading,
Beth xx

(picture from: www.healthyplace.com)

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Tough times never last but tough people do.

I’ve had this blog for such a long time, my first post was back in August 2011. I’ve met a lot of people and heard some terribly sad stories of how unkind others can be.
In the past through my twitter account I’ve not only had support from others but also others have found support through me, some said this blog helped them to realise they weren’t alone and that one day things could get better.

I always found quotes that could speak for me when i couldn’t find the words that i wanted to say. I still look back through this blog from time to time to see how truly far i have come.

I found that although it was other people who hurt me, there were far more people who were there to offer support and kindness, this gave me hope in humanity that there are good people out there, even when those dark times make that seem impossible.

I’ve realised that not everyone will like you, and you won’t like everyone! I’m not in this life to please people, i’m in this life to help people, and to be happy, and hopefully bring happiness to others along the way.

I’ve realised how important it is to reach out not only to those around you who you know are struggling, but also to those who seem to be strong.

You are beautiful, you are strong.
Thank you for reading and for everyone who supported me and still continues to support me 7 years on!!

Beth xxxxxxxxxx

Help?

Hi guys!

I’d like some help from my followers and I’m not sure whether anyone would be able to help me.

I’ve decided I’d like to write a book and get this published, I don’t know where to start so please could anyone help?

This book would be about my journey and I hope to help people in this process.

Thank you in advance, Beth xxxxxxxxxx

Frame Of Mind

Hi Guys!
I hope you are all ok!

So as you all know i’m in University training to become a nurse, very exciting and quite far in to year 1 of training already!
I thought it would be ok, and it is, most of the time, especially when i am on placements, it’s fine.
But.. when i am in University there is something wrong, and i don’t know what, i keep having panic attacks, it feels to me like i’m still in the frame of mind of being in a school, because of what happened to me in school i feel the same here. There is no issues of bullying at all but i feel absolutely terrified all the time.

I am so disappointed, i thought i could do this, i thought i was better, but now i’m just going downhill with my anxiety.

I have informed my personal tutor to try and get some support.
I feel like crying knowing that these people from my past have so much affect on my life even now!

Thanks for reading ❤
Beth

Time for an update?

Hi Guys,

 

I thought that because it has been a while and so much has changed.. it’s time for an update!

 

Unfortunately I have left my job as a support worker which I loved so very much, but for what reason did I leave this amazing job….

I AM IN UNIVERSITY!! I am training to become a nurse, I felt my role as a support worker was amazing and that I was making a difference, but I felt I could do more and make more of a difference.

I am so excited to be in University and it still doesn’t feel real!

I have come so far, and overcome so much.

It is possible, you can do it ❤❤

If you have any questions or would like a chat or anything please tweet me @hidden_beth

Thank you for reading, and thank you for your continued support.

Every Moment Matters

Hi Guys.. It’s been a while!!

Thought i’d do an update so you guys know how i’m getting on 🙂

 

There’s a lot to update on.. so here we go..

I am so happy, that’s right, i, me, i never thought i could be this happy, i am so lucky. I am so lucky because i have come so far and i have made it this far, not on my own, with the support of you guys, my family, my friends, the people around me, i have made it through a lot of bad stuff as you guys know, and do you know what, i don’t regret anything i have done or been through as it has made me who i am today.

I am still working as a support worker with the elderly, i love my job, yes it is stressful and demanding in all ways, but i still love it, i work for the moment of happiness i can give people, and i work to put a smile on their faces. I went to a lady the other evening and she wanted to get into bed, i assisted her with this, and do you know what she said to me.. she said ‘why can’t they all be like you’ and then the tears came, she said that about me!! I couldn’t believe it!! I gave her a big hug.

I am in a very happy relationship, i am living with him now, i am so in love, he treats me so well and is so supportive of me, i am so lucky in all ways.

I believe that everything that happened tested me, and i nearly gave in, but i made it through it all, and i am so glad i did.
Thank you so much for reading this! 🙂

STAY STRONG! ❤
Beth

It’s okay to be a glowstick, sometimes we need to break before we shine.

Faded The View Of Myself

Hi guys!

I just wanted to post about life after bullying, obviously this can vary depending on everyone’s different experiences but I just wanted to make people realise the affects of bullying, not only are there serious effects on the person during the bullying but this could affect the individuals future after the bullying too!

I would love to one day forget all those nasty words that were said, but I am still living in the picture they painted of me, that ugly, fat girl. I often cry when I look at myself in the mirror as I am disgusted with what I see standing in front of me. The bullies have faded the view I have of myself, 4 years on and I’m still struggling.

My low self esteem affects me everyday, I just want to feel pretty and good enough for myself but I can’t see that ever happening, I am so unhappy with the way I look. My boyfriend is very good and supportive with me, he tells me I am beautiful but I just can’t see it, I feel so ugly all the time, and I have to admit I take a lot of pictures of myself to try and make myself feel pretty, and to try to say to myself ‘oh that’s a good picture of me’ but I just don’t see myself anything other than ugly.

It’s horrible to think that’s it’s been 4 years since I left school and I’m still letting it affect my life, but those years of bullying have really affected me and probably always will in some way!

Sorry for the negative post guys ❤️

Born To Care

2 years is a long time but it has gone so quick in my Job as a support worker with the elderly, and I must say I still absolutely love it. It is such a rewarding job, I have grown in confidence since I started there, I find it funny talking to one of the residents, he used to name me ‘the quiet one’, but a few days ago he said ‘you aren’t the quiet one anymore’ because I have come out of my shell and have grown as an individual.

The job role varies, we assist with medication, personal care, shopping, end of life care and just the individuals day to day lives. We have people with learning disability and mental illness, we have been hit, screamed at, kicked at, but we do this job because.. Well.. We care! This job isn’t for everyone, a lot of people say they don’t know how we can do it, but we love what we do

Unfortunately they have decided to drop our wages and I won’t be able to afford to stay in this job anymore, which is so sad because I love it where I am, and I really don’t want to leave, but unfortunately health care is a very poorly paid job! I’ll keep hold of all the memories and hopefully continue to grow as an individual in another job.

Healed But Still Hurting

Hey Guys,

Yesterday I was brave, I went into my old school as I was picking someone up, and I must say I am proud of myself that I could go in but.. I was expecting too much when I was there.

As i have mentioned in previous posts about the child protection teacher who had a lot of involvement with me, due to my suicidal thoughts and actions, well, I seen her while I was there, and I was hoping and expecting her to be shocked to see me, and for her to come over to speak to me, but i didn’t even get a hello, and it really hurt!

Now I must stay open minded or it’s going to hurt more, so she may not of recognised me, but I haven’t changed that much!

I hope this post doesn’t sound stupid, it’s just made me think maybe I’m not 100% over the past if I can get hurt by something this small, but that lady means a lot to me and I was just hoping for a hello and a hug!

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Hi Guys!

So it has been a very long time since i did a post, i have so much to update you guys on!

It’s strange looking back on how things used to be for me, everything is so different now! Everyone has good and bad days, i do still struggle every now and then but i have so much support behind me!

I am still currently working as a support worker with elderly people, i absolutely love my job, it is hard at times, but i can’t see myself doing any other job, this is so rewarding, just helping these people with their day to day lives. I have been doing this for over 2 years now, and i still love it!

At the moment i am back off my medication, and i am doing OK, up and down but i am managing well. A big struggle for me at the moment is the scarring i have from when i was self harming, if anyone has any advice/guidance on this please let me know, i am terrified of being judged as i had been in school, so i am unsure of what to do other than covering them up, don’t get me wrong, i am not embarrassed of what i did to survive my breakdown, i am proud of the fact i made it through such a dark time! I just know how judgmental people can be unfortunately!

I am currently dating! After splitting up with my last boyfriend after a long time of being together, these things happen, things don’t work out but we just have to carry on, and move on when we are ready! This new guy is so nice, he picks me up when i am down definitely, he tells me i am beautiful, it is so strange as i don’t see myself as beautiful, i have very low self confidence, and i am very self conscious of my body, it is quite hard being in a relationship when you have issues with how you look but.. it is going so well! It is hard when you leave someone, but i wasn’t happy, and i deserve to be happy, everyone deserves to be happy! I am now much happier!

Love and hugs to you all! Keep smiling ❤