Life Is Beautiful.

“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one” – this is one of my favourite quotes and i believe in it 100%. Although you may never be able to fully forget something that is in the past, you can at least learn to live knowing that it happened but, at the same time, stop letting it control your life.

Life is never going to be easy, there are always going to be ups and downs, but you just have to take the bad with the good, and remember things always get better, maybe not straight away, but eventually.

Sadly there are some nasty people in the World, but there are also plently more lovely people.

If you don’t believe that things are going to get better, just please believe me, i used to think that, but now, life is amazing and beautiful, it just takes a while to see that after going through difficult times.

If you ever need a chat, there are so many helplines out there, but also, you can drop me an email – missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk

Smiles, hugs and good wishes to you all,
Beth xxxx

Mental Health Services..

HI GUYS!! How are you all doing?
It’s been.. a long time..

I’m doing great.. :D i have a job.. well.. i’m waiting to start my job.. but i got it!! YAY!! I didn’t get into university BOOHOO! But i’ll try again next year, i’m being positive :)

I’m in a ranting mood, i seen another blog post by my lovely friend Natalie (http://thingswillgetbetteroneday.blogspot.co.uk/) about mental health services.. and well.. that put me in a blogging mood because i just think people need to talk about how they feel the mental health services do.. and well.. they aren’t doing great. They are failing so many people, although they help so many i know, they also don’t even look at some of us.

I was with CAMHS until i was 18, recieving support once every week, which was great and so helpful at the time, but as soon as i turned 18 i had to leave and was referred onto adult mental health services, i had an assesment with them where basically they said they couldn’t help me, i left in a shock, i’d gone from getting support once a week to absolutely nothing! This didn’t help at all, infact it made my mental health worse for a short while, as it was hard getting used to the whole no support thing..

I think they need to set something up for those people who are just leaving CAMHS, maybe if adult mental health services can’t offer them anything, they need to put something in place so they don’t go from having loads of support to having nothing.. does that make sense? It could push people off the edge, to have such a big change, especially when these people have no support elsewhere..

Does anyone agree? :)

Love and hugs to you all <3

Beth xxxx

 

Nobody can hurt you without your permission.

Hey guys!
It’s been a long time since i’ve posted so this one is very much needed!
I hope you’re all doing okay, i’m sorry i’ve been so quiet, just been really busy with college! I am always here though, if you ever want me or need me, i’m only a message away ♥

I just wanted to write a post with a bit of advice really to those readers who may still be being bullied, or those who are still struggling with the bullying that was in their past.

I know how hard it is to get those comments, and how hard it is to get up everyday just knowing what you are going to have to put up with today, how hard it is to see those people who bully you, how much anger you have for them. Believe me though when i say this, in the future you will be thankful that they put you through what they did, because what they are doing is only making you stronger, and i know this may sound absolutely stupid, but take it from someone who has been there. You may feel so low and so sensitive, but when you come out of this, when all this finally stops, you will be so much stronger, and you will be such a good person, if you let yourself be. You’ve been through this pain, you can say “i don’t want anyone else to go through that” and you can be such a kind person, not judge anyone and not say a bad word to or about anyone, i know right now you won’t be able to see any positive in what you are going through, what you are going through shouldn’t be happening, and more needs to be done to stop it.

Those names they call you, they aren’t true, you’re beautiful, everyone is beautiful, everyone is unique, don’t listen to what they have to say, do they even know you? Have they been your friend, do they know what you are like? Or have they just judged you and decided it would be fun to make your life miserable? I still don’t understand how these people can do this, i mean.. why would you want to call somebody names so that they feel so bad about themselves that they want to change.. they don’t feel good enough for anyone anymore.. i just don’t get it.. I know people say it’s because they have their own problems or that they have low confidence about themselves but.. no i still don’t understand,

Believe me when i say you are good enough, you deserve to be happy, you deserve a great future full of happiness and nothing like this. I know it’s hard at the moment, but things get better, and i really do mean that! I’ve been in your shoes, i’ve been so low that i didn’t want to be alive, i’ve starved myself because these people told me i was fat, so i needed to change right? WRONG! We don’t need to change ourselves, these people will never like us and will never be our friends, so why should we change ourselves for them? We’re great just the way we are, and anyway.. nobody is perfect, not even them!

Just remember guys, you do matter and you are so important!
And things will get better, the future is bright although you may not be able to see the light yet ♥

I’m always thinking of you guys, and i’m only a message away,
Stay Strong,
Beth xxxx

The Sun Will Shine Again.

I know at times the World can seem horrible and it seems like you are in this alone but please believe me, things can change.

One of my favourite quotes is “Darkness only exists so you can see the stars shine”, i used to have a diary that i’d write in or just read when i was feeling low, it wasn’t a proper diary, it was full of quotes that i liked and that meant something to me, this being one of them.
It can seem like everyone is against you and there is no one out there who really cares, but really there is, and most of them still keep their eye out for me now, whether that be on twitter or on this blog, they like to hear from me and know that i am doing well, and you know, that feels great, knowing that they’ve been there through my low and dark moments, but that they are also here with me through my higher moments too! I know things aren’t always going to be good everyday but you just have to look for the bits that are good in each and every day.

All of you people who read this blog have seen my posts when i may not of been in a very good place, but now i’ve turned things around, one day i just decided that it’s my life, and i can do what i want, why should those people who made my life miserable continue to even when they aren’t around me anymore.. i’m not in school anymore so why carry on the emotional pain? Why should they have control over how i feel and over what i do with the rest of my life? It may sound easy, it wasn’t, it was such a hard decision to make, to just stop letting this pain take control of my life, to actually get out of the house and to socialise, which is still so VERY SCARY!
I may not be 100% better but i’m on my way there, i’m happier, and guess what, i don’t self harm anymore either! That was one of the hardest things, trying to stop an addiction, because it is an addiction, whether people agree with me or not, it’s an addiction just like being addicted to drugs, you think about it all the time, you need it all the time.

My mental health is still not great, my medication gets changed regularly until they can find something that actually works, i’ve lost count of how many different medications i’ve been on now, but it’s all just part of my journey :)

I’m not angry at those who put me through what they did, i’m glad i went through it, it has made me stronger and more aware of other people and how they could be feeling, it has made me want to help others and do more to help stop bullying and those who might be going through it.

If i can ever be of any help to anyone please just let me know, and please, stay strong
@Hidden_Beth
missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk

New Start

I have some news :)

I started college this week, i was so nervous, i didn’t know anyone, i’ve never been there before so i didn’t know my way around etc,

I can’t let the people in my past control my future, i want to have a job and a life, and i have to make a new start to be able to do that, i’m not going to be able to forget what happened to me, but i just have to stop letting it control me.
So i’ve started college, on a course that i want to do, something that i’m interested in and something that i want to work in, and i’m going to work so hard, and try my best, my concentration and memory is still terrible due to my mental health but i can only try!
The college has a lot of support services aswell, i’m going to look at seeing a counsellor just so i can get a bit of extra support and talk about my worries etc.

My first day was so scary, but i made it!
If i can do it, you can do it too!
Be strong!

“Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”

Stay Strong, you’re so important and you can make it through this <3
Love Beth xoxo

Keep The Strength.

I have some bad news, the bullying is starting up again, i’m getting messages on facebook and words said to my face, or when i walk past them, the main person causing this is an old best friend, she knows what i went through when i was bullied in school, she knows how ill i got. It’s so sad that she’s treating me like this, she wrote on facebook that she wishes i was dead. What she doesn’t know is that, i’m still very much suicidal, so it is so easy for me to say “you know what, i’ll do what you want, i’ll go and die”
It’s disgusting what she is doing, and very upsetting for me, how am i supposed to get better now this is starting up again?

I can feel myself getting worse again, i just want to cry all the time, i’m so fed up, but i have to battle through! I’ve been called all the names they can call me already, so nothing new there, i just have to let it go over my head!

I’m exhausted from recovery, i don’t need this happening too, i have to try so hard everyday to get through it, but now it’s even harder!

I can do this right? I can get through this again, i’ve done it before, i know it was hard but i have to do this!

Stay Strong With Me x

We Can Do This!

Thanks to those that got involved in this post!! :)

I know it can seem like the whole World is against you and that you are the only person going through the hard times, while everyone else is having a great time, but really.. are they? :/
It can seem like you are the only person who feels how you feel, and you just want to escape, you just want a break away from everything for a while. You are not alone, no matter what you are going through, someone else is going through it, or has been through it too. You have to stay strong, and believe in yourself because YOU CAN DO THIS!!
It may seem that things will never get better, but believe me, they do <3

Here are a few statistics i found –
- 1 million people across the globe die by suicide each year. That’s one suicide every 40 seconds. (from samaritans.org)
- 244,000 people under 19 are carers – about 23,000 are under nine. (from bbc.co.uk)
- The UK has one of the highest rates of self harm in Europe, at 400 per 100,000 population. (Self-poisoning and self-injury in adults, Clinical Medicine, 2002)
- Almost half (46%) of children and young people say they have been bullied at school at some point in their lives.

I know its hard, but if we can get through it then anybody can, stay strong, and remember, you can do this!
Stay Strong <3

Thanks for reading!
Beth :D
xoxo

Feel free to contact me, on email missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk on twitter @Hidden_Beth or the facebook page https://www.facebook.com/UnderneathMyMask

Just Another Teen Trying To Find Her Place In The World.

Hey, can i first just ask everyone to get involved in my next blog post? All you have to do is write on a piece of paper or on your hand –
If you have got through something then right “I got through it”
If you are going through something write “I will get through this” or “I can do this!”, and email them to me so i can insert them into the next post – my email is – missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk or tweet them to me @Hidden_Beth

Please get involved!! And please share!
Something like this ..

People ask me what i want to do with my life.. loads of thoughts go through my head, but really, my answer is.. i don’t know, and to be honest, i’m definitely not ready to go into the proper ‘big wide world’ yet.

The ‘big wide world’ seems such a scary place, so many people, so many places, and all i can think of is what if even more people start treating me like i was treated in school again? I know that people will say that i won’t be treated like that, but that’s what the things i’ve been through have done to the way i think, i always think of what could go wrong, always the negatives, and i try so hard to say to myself what they positives are too!

I have a boyfriend.. we’ve been together for about 2 months now.. i love him, he knows what i’ve been through, and he tries to understand, but it’s hard if you haven’t been through it yourself. He calls me beautiful, i just laugh at him, he can’t be talking about me, i’m not beautiful! I’ve been called ugly far too many times and my self confidence has dropped far too much for me to think positively about the way i look.

The problem with me is that i am on edge all of the time, so it’s hard to be in a relationship or a friendship with me, the littlest thing or comment can annoy me and i can get so angry over something tiny! I’m on medication that keeps changing all the time until they get it right, my mood is never stable, i cry over tiny things, i don’t want to be alive, i think the worst of everything.
There is positives too though, although i can’t see things that are beautiful about me, i can see things that are beautiful in others, i don’t judge people, i accept people as they are, i try to help people as much as i can, i’m starting to accept the scars that i have, and sometimes (not very often) i walk around with short sleeves instead of big thick jumpers in summer.

It’s so hard to find your place in this world, and some people may never like you no matter how much you try to change for them to like you, it’s important to realise that the people that accept you as you are, they are the important ones, and they are the ones that deserve your friendship.

You are beautiful, you are strong, you can do this.
Take Care <3
Feel free to contact me via email – missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk

Memories.

Today i went to pick my friend up from the school that i went to, i’ve never felt so sad before, all the memories just came flooding back to me, i had tears in my eyes, just thinking about how much pain that place gave me.

I’m still so upset, i can’t think of any positives that the school gave me, everything i went through there made me so ill. That is where i started self harming, that is where i walked out to go to the nearest bridge to jump off but my mum got called to come and get me.
They didn’t know what i was planning, they just saw me walk out early and got worried, so they called my Mum to get me.

That place was a horrible place, with horrible memories, and horrible people. 

It didn’t just make me sad, it made me angry too, thinking about all of the teachers there that ‘cared’ about me, well that didn’t last long, as soon as i left, they stopped caring, never called me, never asked about me ever again.
I actually went back inside today, to see if teachers asked how i was etc, but no, nothing just hi, that’s it.

I wish i could write the school a letter, tell them everything i went through during my time there, how i am now, how i can never wear short sleeves again, how i have ended up in hospital a few times due to suicide attempts. They don’t know this is all because of what i went through in their school. They don’t know who else could be going through the same things that i went through in the school. I don’t want anyone else to go through this, in that school, or in ANY school, workplace or ANYWHERE, because don’t you know, bullying doesn’t just happen to young people, it can happen to anyone, any age, any race, any religion etc. 

I hope you like this post, i just tell the truth, i’m no one special, just someone who wants to make a difference and be heard.
Nobody should go through this.

Please spread this post!

What Teachers Have To Say

Hey!

So the Record Of Achievements is coming up at schools, so people are preparing, and teachers are giving advice on how to behave and how to act, dress etc.

I got told today that one teacher said that they didn’t want anyone self harming before the ROA because it will look bad for the school and the pupil. Now that has upset me so much and made me so angry!
Why should they care more about how the school looks, they should care more about the pupil and getting them help to stop the self harming!

I’m coming from a personal experience, i’ve self harmed for so long, i was self harming when i was in school and i never got the help that i needed, and i still don’t have the right help, but i’m getting through it myself.

I can’t even explain how angry i am hearing that this teacher has said this!

 

I found this picture on google, because people don’t realise how hard it is to get through self harm, how alone it can make you feel, how much of a struggle it is, but we are fighters, and we are strong, and we can beat this addiction.

Please stay strong.
If you have any questions, advice, suggestions or you’d like to talk or anything please feel free to email me missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk
Also, please comment below and let me know what you think! Are you annoyed too by reading this?