Help?

14 Mar

Hi guys!

I’d like some help from my followers and I’m not sure whether anyone would be able to help me.

I’ve decided I’d like to write a book and get this published, I don’t know where to start so please could anyone help?

This book would be about my journey and I hope to help people in this process.

Thank you in advance, Beth xxxxxxxxxx

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Frame Of Mind

26 Feb

Hi Guys!
I hope you are all ok!

So as you all know i’m in University training to become a nurse, very exciting and quite far in to year 1 of training already!
I thought it would be ok, and it is, most of the time, especially when i am on placements, it’s fine.
But.. when i am in University there is something wrong, and i don’t know what, i keep having panic attacks, it feels to me like i’m still in the frame of mind of being in a school, because of what happened to me in school i feel the same here. There is no issues of bullying at all but i feel absolutely terrified all the time.

I am so disappointed, i thought i could do this, i thought i was better, but now i’m just going downhill with my anxiety.

I have informed my personal tutor to try and get some support.
I feel like crying knowing that these people from my past have so much affect on my life even now!

Thanks for reading ❤
Beth

Time for an update?

10 Nov

Hi Guys,

 

I thought that because it has been a while and so much has changed.. it’s time for an update!

 

Unfortunately I have left my job as a support worker which I loved so very much, but for what reason did I leave this amazing job….

I AM IN UNIVERSITY!! I am training to become a nurse, I felt my role as a support worker was amazing and that I was making a difference, but I felt I could do more and make more of a difference.

I am so excited to be in University and it still doesn’t feel real!

I have come so far, and overcome so much.

It is possible, you can do it ❤❤

If you have any questions or would like a chat or anything please tweet me @hidden_beth

Thank you for reading, and thank you for your continued support.

Every Moment Matters

31 Jan

Hi Guys.. It’s been a while!!

Thought i’d do an update so you guys know how i’m getting on 🙂

 

There’s a lot to update on.. so here we go..

I am so happy, that’s right, i, me, i never thought i could be this happy, i am so lucky. I am so lucky because i have come so far and i have made it this far, not on my own, with the support of you guys, my family, my friends, the people around me, i have made it through a lot of bad stuff as you guys know, and do you know what, i don’t regret anything i have done or been through as it has made me who i am today.

I am still working as a support worker with the elderly, i love my job, yes it is stressful and demanding in all ways, but i still love it, i work for the moment of happiness i can give people, and i work to put a smile on their faces. I went to a lady the other evening and she wanted to get into bed, i assisted her with this, and do you know what she said to me.. she said ‘why can’t they all be like you’ and then the tears came, she said that about me!! I couldn’t believe it!! I gave her a big hug.

I am in a very happy relationship, i am living with him now, i am so in love, he treats me so well and is so supportive of me, i am so lucky in all ways.

I believe that everything that happened tested me, and i nearly gave in, but i made it through it all, and i am so glad i did.
Thank you so much for reading this! 🙂

STAY STRONG! ❤
Beth

It’s okay to be a glowstick, sometimes we need to break before we shine.

Faded The View Of Myself

3 Aug

Hi guys!

I just wanted to post about life after bullying, obviously this can vary depending on everyone’s different experiences but I just wanted to make people realise the affects of bullying, not only are there serious effects on the person during the bullying but this could affect the individuals future after the bullying too!

I would love to one day forget all those nasty words that were said, but I am still living in the picture they painted of me, that ugly, fat girl. I often cry when I look at myself in the mirror as I am disgusted with what I see standing in front of me. The bullies have faded the view I have of myself, 4 years on and I’m still struggling.

My low self esteem affects me everyday, I just want to feel pretty and good enough for myself but I can’t see that ever happening, I am so unhappy with the way I look. My boyfriend is very good and supportive with me, he tells me I am beautiful but I just can’t see it, I feel so ugly all the time, and I have to admit I take a lot of pictures of myself to try and make myself feel pretty, and to try to say to myself ‘oh that’s a good picture of me’ but I just don’t see myself anything other than ugly.

It’s horrible to think that’s it’s been 4 years since I left school and I’m still letting it affect my life, but those years of bullying have really affected me and probably always will in some way!

Sorry for the negative post guys ❤️

Born To Care

14 Jul

2 years is a long time but it has gone so quick in my Job as a support worker with the elderly, and I must say I still absolutely love it. It is such a rewarding job, I have grown in confidence since I started there, I find it funny talking to one of the residents, he used to name me ‘the quiet one’, but a few days ago he said ‘you aren’t the quiet one anymore’ because I have come out of my shell and have grown as an individual.

The job role varies, we assist with medication, personal care, shopping, end of life care and just the individuals day to day lives. We have people with learning disability and mental illness, we have been hit, screamed at, kicked at, but we do this job because.. Well.. We care! This job isn’t for everyone, a lot of people say they don’t know how we can do it, but we love what we do

Unfortunately they have decided to drop our wages and I won’t be able to afford to stay in this job anymore, which is so sad because I love it where I am, and I really don’t want to leave, but unfortunately health care is a very poorly paid job! I’ll keep hold of all the memories and hopefully continue to grow as an individual in another job.

Healed But Still Hurting

12 Jul

Hey Guys,

Yesterday I was brave, I went into my old school as I was picking someone up, and I must say I am proud of myself that I could go in but.. I was expecting too much when I was there.

As i have mentioned in previous posts about the child protection teacher who had a lot of involvement with me, due to my suicidal thoughts and actions, well, I seen her while I was there, and I was hoping and expecting her to be shocked to see me, and for her to come over to speak to me, but i didn’t even get a hello, and it really hurt!

Now I must stay open minded or it’s going to hurt more, so she may not of recognised me, but I haven’t changed that much!

I hope this post doesn’t sound stupid, it’s just made me think maybe I’m not 100% over the past if I can get hurt by something this small, but that lady means a lot to me and I was just hoping for a hello and a hug!

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

8 Jun

Hi Guys!

So it has been a very long time since i did a post, i have so much to update you guys on!

It’s strange looking back on how things used to be for me, everything is so different now! Everyone has good and bad days, i do still struggle every now and then but i have so much support behind me!

I am still currently working as a support worker with elderly people, i absolutely love my job, it is hard at times, but i can’t see myself doing any other job, this is so rewarding, just helping these people with their day to day lives. I have been doing this for over 2 years now, and i still love it!

At the moment i am back off my medication, and i am doing OK, up and down but i am managing well. A big struggle for me at the moment is the scarring i have from when i was self harming, if anyone has any advice/guidance on this please let me know, i am terrified of being judged as i had been in school, so i am unsure of what to do other than covering them up, don’t get me wrong, i am not embarrassed of what i did to survive my breakdown, i am proud of the fact i made it through such a dark time! I just know how judgmental people can be unfortunately!

I am currently dating! After splitting up with my last boyfriend after a long time of being together, these things happen, things don’t work out but we just have to carry on, and move on when we are ready! This new guy is so nice, he picks me up when i am down definitely, he tells me i am beautiful, it is so strange as i don’t see myself as beautiful, i have very low self confidence, and i am very self conscious of my body, it is quite hard being in a relationship when you have issues with how you look but.. it is going so well! It is hard when you leave someone, but i wasn’t happy, and i deserve to be happy, everyone deserves to be happy! I am now much happier!

Love and hugs to you all! Keep smiling ❤ 

 

Life Is Beautiful.

13 Jan

“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one” – this is one of my favourite quotes and i believe in it 100%. Although you may never be able to fully forget something that is in the past, you can at least learn to live knowing that it happened but, at the same time, stop letting it control your life.

Life is never going to be easy, there are always going to be ups and downs, but you just have to take the bad with the good, and remember things always get better, maybe not straight away, but eventually.

Sadly there are some nasty people in the World, but there are also plently more lovely people.

If you don’t believe that things are going to get better, just please believe me, i used to think that, but now, life is amazing and beautiful, it just takes a while to see that after going through difficult times.

If you ever need a chat, there are so many helplines out there, but also, you can drop me an email – missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk

Smiles, hugs and good wishes to you all,
Beth xxxx

Mental Health Services..

11 Jun

HI GUYS!! How are you all doing?
It’s been.. a long time..

I’m doing great.. 😀 i have a job.. well.. i’m waiting to start my job.. but i got it!! YAY!! I didn’t get into university BOOHOO! But i’ll try again next year, i’m being positive 🙂

I’m in a ranting mood, i seen another blog post by my lovely friend Natalie (http://thingswillgetbetteroneday.blogspot.co.uk/) about mental health services.. and well.. that put me in a blogging mood because i just think people need to talk about how they feel the mental health services do.. and well.. they aren’t doing great. They are failing so many people, although they help so many i know, they also don’t even look at some of us.

I was with CAMHS until i was 18, recieving support once every week, which was great and so helpful at the time, but as soon as i turned 18 i had to leave and was referred onto adult mental health services, i had an assesment with them where basically they said they couldn’t help me, i left in a shock, i’d gone from getting support once a week to absolutely nothing! This didn’t help at all, infact it made my mental health worse for a short while, as it was hard getting used to the whole no support thing..

I think they need to set something up for those people who are just leaving CAMHS, maybe if adult mental health services can’t offer them anything, they need to put something in place so they don’t go from having loads of support to having nothing.. does that make sense? It could push people off the edge, to have such a big change, especially when these people have no support elsewhere..

Does anyone agree? 🙂

Love and hugs to you all ❤

Beth xxxx