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Nobody can hurt you without your permission.

21 Feb

Hey guys!
It’s been a long time since i’ve posted so this one is very much needed!
I hope you’re all doing okay, i’m sorry i’ve been so quiet, just been really busy with college! I am always here though, if you ever want me or need me, i’m only a message away ♥

I just wanted to write a post with a bit of advice really to those readers who may still be being bullied, or those who are still struggling with the bullying that was in their past.

I know how hard it is to get those comments, and how hard it is to get up everyday just knowing what you are going to have to put up with today, how hard it is to see those people who bully you, how much anger you have for them. Believe me though when i say this, in the future you will be thankful that they put you through what they did, because what they are doing is only making you stronger, and i know this may sound absolutely stupid, but take it from someone who has been there. You may feel so low and so sensitive, but when you come out of this, when all this finally stops, you will be so much stronger, and you will be such a good person, if you let yourself be. You’ve been through this pain, you can say “i don’t want anyone else to go through that” and you can be such a kind person, not judge anyone and not say a bad word to or about anyone, i know right now you won’t be able to see any positive in what you are going through, what you are going through shouldn’t be happening, and more needs to be done to stop it.

Those names they call you, they aren’t true, you’re beautiful, everyone is beautiful, everyone is unique, don’t listen to what they have to say, do they even know you? Have they been your friend, do they know what you are like? Or have they just judged you and decided it would be fun to make your life miserable? I still don’t understand how these people can do this, i mean.. why would you want to call somebody names so that they feel so bad about themselves that they want to change.. they don’t feel good enough for anyone anymore.. i just don’t get it.. I know people say it’s because they have their own problems or that they have low confidence about themselves but.. no i still don’t understand,

Believe me when i say you are good enough, you deserve to be happy, you deserve a great future full of happiness and nothing like this. I know it’s hard at the moment, but things get better, and i really do mean that! I’ve been in your shoes, i’ve been so low that i didn’t want to be alive, i’ve starved myself because these people told me i was fat, so i needed to change right? WRONG! We don’t need to change ourselves, these people will never like us and will never be our friends, so why should we change ourselves for them? We’re great just the way we are, and anyway.. nobody is perfect, not even them!

Just remember guys, you do matter and you are so important!
And things will get better, the future is bright although you may not be able to see the light yet ♥

I’m always thinking of you guys, and i’m only a message away,
Stay Strong,
Beth xxxx

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We Can Do This!

10 Jul

Thanks to those that got involved in this post!! 🙂

I know it can seem like the whole World is against you and that you are the only person going through the hard times, while everyone else is having a great time, but really.. are they? :/
It can seem like you are the only person who feels how you feel, and you just want to escape, you just want a break away from everything for a while. You are not alone, no matter what you are going through, someone else is going through it, or has been through it too. You have to stay strong, and believe in yourself because YOU CAN DO THIS!!
It may seem that things will never get better, but believe me, they do

Here are a few statistics i found –
1 million people across the globe die by suicide each year. That’s one suicide every 40 seconds. (from samaritans.org)
244,000 people under 19 are carers – about 23,000 are under nine. (from bbc.co.uk)
– The UK has one of the highest rates of self harm in Europe, at 400 per 100,000 population. (Self-poisoning and self-injury in adults, Clinical Medicine, 2002)
– Almost half (46%) of children and young people say they have been bullied at school at some point in their lives.

I know its hard, but if we can get through it then anybody can, stay strong, and remember, you can do this!
Stay Strong ❤

we can do this
Thanks for reading!
Beth 😀
xoxo

Feel free to contact me, on email missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk on twitter @Hidden_Beth or the facebook page https://www.facebook.com/UnderneathMyMask

Just Another Teen Trying To Find Her Place In The World.

4 Jun

Hey, can i first just ask everyone to get involved in my next blog post? All you have to do is write on a piece of paper or on your hand –
If you have got through something then right “I got through it”
If you are going through something write “I will get through this” or “I can do this!”, and email them to me so i can insert them into the next post – my email is – missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk or tweet them to me @Hidden_Beth

Please get involved!! And please share!
Something like this ..

webcam-toy-photo56
People ask me what i want to do with my life.. loads of thoughts go through my head, but really, my answer is.. i don’t know, and to be honest, i’m definitely not ready to go into the proper ‘big wide world’ yet.

The ‘big wide world’ seems such a scary place, so many people, so many places, and all i can think of is what if even more people start treating me like i was treated in school again? I know that people will say that i won’t be treated like that, but that’s what the things i’ve been through have done to the way i think, i always think of what could go wrong, always the negatives, and i try so hard to say to myself what they positives are too!

I have a boyfriend.. we’ve been together for about 2 months now.. i love him, he knows what i’ve been through, and he tries to understand, but it’s hard if you haven’t been through it yourself. He calls me beautiful, i just laugh at him, he can’t be talking about me, i’m not beautiful! I’ve been called ugly far too many times and my self confidence has dropped far too much for me to think positively about the way i look.

The problem with me is that i am on edge all of the time, so it’s hard to be in a relationship or a friendship with me, the littlest thing or comment can annoy me and i can get so angry over something tiny! I’m on medication that keeps changing all the time until they get it right, my mood is never stable, i cry over tiny things, i don’t want to be alive, i think the worst of everything.
There is positives too though, although i can’t see things that are beautiful about me, i can see things that are beautiful in others, i don’t judge people, i accept people as they are, i try to help people as much as i can, i’m starting to accept the scars that i have, and sometimes (not very often) i walk around with short sleeves instead of big thick jumpers in summer.

It’s so hard to find your place in this world, and some people may never like you no matter how much you try to change for them to like you, it’s important to realise that the people that accept you as you are, they are the important ones, and they are the ones that deserve your friendship.

You are beautiful, you are strong, you can do this.
Take Care ❤
Feel free to contact me via email – missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk

tiara

Memories.

17 May

Today i went to pick my friend up from the school that i went to, i’ve never felt so sad before, all the memories just came flooding back to me, i had tears in my eyes, just thinking about how much pain that place gave me.

I’m still so upset, i can’t think of any positives that the school gave me, everything i went through there made me so ill. That is where i started self harming, that is where i walked out to go to the nearest bridge to jump off but my mum got called to come and get me.
They didn’t know what i was planning, they just saw me walk out early and got worried, so they called my Mum to get me.

That place was a horrible place, with horrible memories, and horrible people. 

It didn’t just make me sad, it made me angry too, thinking about all of the teachers there that ‘cared’ about me, well that didn’t last long, as soon as i left, they stopped caring, never called me, never asked about me ever again.
I actually went back inside today, to see if teachers asked how i was etc, but no, nothing just hi, that’s it.

I wish i could write the school a letter, tell them everything i went through during my time there, how i am now, how i can never wear short sleeves again, how i have ended up in hospital a few times due to suicide attempts. They don’t know this is all because of what i went through in their school. They don’t know who else could be going through the same things that i went through in the school. I don’t want anyone else to go through this, in that school, or in ANY school, workplace or ANYWHERE, because don’t you know, bullying doesn’t just happen to young people, it can happen to anyone, any age, any race, any religion etc. 

I hope you like this post, i just tell the truth, i’m no one special, just someone who wants to make a difference and be heard.
Nobody should go through this.


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Please spread this post!

Your Questions.

10 Apr

Thank you so much for all of your questions! I hope that these may help someone in some way!

Does bullying happen a lot?/Is it very common?
Yes, i think that everyone is bullied at least once at some point in their life. And most of the time it isn’t reported so we don’t know about it, so i think the statistics of bullying are wrong, because some people don’t speak out about it for various different reasons. It doesn’t just happen in schools, it happens in work places too. And it happens to so many people, wrecks so many people’s lives.

Are some people more likely to be bullied than others?
I hate to say it but yes, it’s completely wrong and shouldn’t happen, but the people that are quiet seem to be targeted, like me, i was so quiet and i still am, and sadly some people don’t try to make friends with the quiet people, when really they could be missing out on a great friendship. But for those of you that are quiet, like me, don’t worry because the people who make the effort to get to know you will be real friends!

Why in the World do some people bully others?
I ask this question a lot, and most people say that it’s because they have their own problems, they may not like themselves and they feel better for making someone else not feel good about themselves, they may want attention, they may do it for their ‘popularity’ – i hate that word, why should you bully someone to look good in someone else’s eyes? Just confuses me so much. You don’t have to make yourself look good to others, if you aren’t ‘good enough’ for someone or for a group of people, then they don’t deserve you!

Why does the bullying so often stay a secret?
I guess sometimes the person who is being bullied may be scared to tell someone incase that person you told spoke to the bully, and then you may think it would get worse, that’s what i thought anyway. Or maybe you think that it’s not important, or that the person you are telling is too busy to be dealing with this issue.

What should i do if i’m being bullied?
Tell someone! A teacher, a family member, a friend, a helpline, just speak to somebody, it can feel so lonely going through this on your own so it’s important that you have someone to help you out. And hopefully the bullying should get sorted out, if not (depending on where the bullying is happening) :
School – Headteacher – They can do more than the other staff members so they should help, and its important that you speak to them, and if it doesn’t stop make sure you go back, and keep going back until it is finally stopped!
Work – Boss – Your boss has to make sure that everything is okay at work, and if something isn’t then they have to sort out the problem.
In the community – Police – I know when i got told that i could go to the police, i thought it was a bit strange, but really, they can help you so much, even if you don’t want to tell them names, they can just give you advice.
Just please tell somebody and get it sorted, it hurts so much to go through so the quicker you get out of the situation and its sorted, the better! You shouldn’t have to go through it!

How do you help someone who is being bullied?
Get proper support for them, make sure the bullying is stopped, talk to them about all the options available, make sure they have someone to talk to if something happens, make sure they know they aren’t going through this on their own. Make sure that they know they can change schools if the bullying still doesn’t stop, but really, they shouldn’t have to move school because you should do everything within your power to stop the bullying!

Can you talk about the effects of bullying? Both in terms of behaviors and feelings and states that get created?
The effects of bullying are so serious, people don’t realise how bad they can be. In my experience, the behaviours that i created were, self harming, cutting down my food, exercising more, taking laxatives, attempting suicide on various occasions  never feeling good enough, never feeling pretty, became very anxious, stayed in the house a lot, i became angry and very upset, i’d stay in my room most of the time because i’d had enough of people, i just wanted to be alone.

What has helped *you* in your experience of having been bullied, at the time and later on?
Hm the hardest bit to answer of this question would be what helped me while i was being bullied, i don’t think the school were very good with helping me, they did try, and i thank them for that, but they could of done so much more. I had counselling while i was going through this time which was helpful sometimes, urm, therapy was helpful sometimes too, i went to CAMHS, because of my self harm and suicidal thoughts and actions, i was told to go to DBT group, to help me with my self harm. Because of how much weight i lost i had to go to see my GP once a week to get weighed, and she gave me support with other things too, and speaking with charities like samaritans was so helpful! They don’t care what you say to them, they won’t tell anyone, and they just want to help you, and they care so much!

Is there anything you can to help those who are the bullies? Is there anything we can do to affect them and help them change their behaviors?
I guess we can just tell them and show them what their actions and words can do to someone. Find out why they are doing it, and if they are doing it because they have their own problems then get them support for their problems so they can work through it/them. If they are doing it for popularity then just ask why they want to be friends with people who they aren’t good enough for already? Because everyone is good enough, and if people can’t see that then, leave them, you can find better people.

When you were being bullied, were there times when you blamed yourself, thinking it must be something you were doing wrong?
Yes, i used to think it was something i was doing wrong all of the time, i wasn’t doing what everyone else my age was doing, so i just thought it was because of that, but then i realised that its nothing to do with me, its their problem, and even if i did change myself i would still get treated the same, so i decided to just stay the same and be liked for who i really am.

How about describing how it all started, little things that you try &ignore but then get bigger.Many know the affect may not see the start.
It started as really small things really, the odd comment, rumours being spread every now and then, i just thought it would stop after a while, i didn’t think it would ever get worse. And even  though it wasn’t happening much, i still told somebody. It didn’t affect me much at first either, but the more it happened, the more it affected me. I just tried to ignore it, because of how little it happened, but it just got worse in time. And it is so so hard to try and ignore something like this when it is happening to you, i know it sounds so easy when you tell someone to ignore it, but believe me, it’s easier said than done.

How would you explain to family/friends that you aren’t fixed like they think and that you still self harm?
I have this problem so often, especially with summer coming up now. I know that it is so hard to tell someone that you still do it, i guess its easier to write it down? Or one day when someone says something about it, just come out with it and tell them. Or maybe you could get someone else to tell them? Like someone that already knows? Just explain to them that you want someone to know but you are finding it hard to tell them yourself. Don’t go through this on your own.

What do you think are the main causes of bullying?
I think one of the main causes is how judgemental people are, as soon as you see someone its hard not to judge them on their appearance, but just because of how someone looks, you shouldn’t not talk to them. Popularity is a cause of bullying in school, young people care so much about how popular they are with the other people, that they will do things just to get more popular. And also, the person who is doing the bullying, their own problems are what cause them to bully, just like one of the questions above, bullying someone and making that person feel bad, might make them feel better about themselves.

Did your mind make you think that there were more people involved/against you then there actually were?
I guess so after a while yes, because my self esteem and confidence had got so low, so the littlest things would get to me. I knew that some people were just being silly, i knew there were the few ‘main’ people who did it the most.

If you feel depressed or anxious, does music ever help you to feel better?
Yes! I always listen to music when i feel down or anxious, sometimes when i go for a walk on my own i’ll listen to music so that i don’t feel too bad, it kind of takes my mind of feeling anxious a bit. Sometimes when i feel depressed i listen to sad music, which may not be the best idea, but it just helps to listen to someone singing about how you’re feeling, because that’s just another person who’s been through it, and got through it, and i will too.

Did you have a special friend that you could confide in or gain support from?
I had a few friends but they couldn’t really support me, sometimes they’d say something if someone says something to me because in the end i got too afraid to speak back, but i guess sometimes they were quite worried that if they said something they would start bullying them too. I did talk to my friends sometimes about it though.

Do you believe those who harmed you learned how to be better people or are they still harming others?
I hope that they are better people, because they wont get very far in life if they aren’t. But i know that sadly some of them are still the safe, and they probably won’t change, i see them sometimes and they still treat me the same, but i don’t see them very often luckily. And sadly they are harming other too, i wish they would just grow up.

I would never wish badly upon someone, even the way i’ve been treated by these people. I just hope that they can grow up and become better people so that they can get somewhere in life. I’d like to thank them though too, because they have made me who i am today, and to be honest, i like the type of person i am. Yes they may be the reason for all of my problems, but, they are also the reason for why i created this blog, and the reason why i met all of you amazing people!
So, thank you so much bullies.

If you have anymore questions just comment below or, email me missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk or tweet me @Hidden_Beth
And please, take care and stay strong because we CAN get through this!

Questions & Answers.

19 Mar

Hey!
So i know i’ve done a post like this before but that was a long time ago so time for a new one!

I’m going to do another question and answer blog post, so if you have any questions you want to ask me about bullying and its affects (e.g self harm, depression, anxiety etc), things about school, the support i got or the support thats available, about what’s helped me and what’s not, and anything else you can think of really!
If you can think of any questions please send them to either missbeth94@hotmail.co.uk or @Hidden_Beth and please share so that other people can see too!

Thank you!
Stay Strong

Get Connected.

18 Mar

You shouldn’t deal with anything on your own. There are so many helplines out there and so much support available, there are text services, web chat services, phone services and email services. Someone will always be there to help and support you, no matter what time of day, if one helpline isn’t open there will be another, so never feel like no one cares or like you’re going through this on your own.
 

I’m just posting about get connected who can get you in contact with some support in your area.
Speak up, don’t suffer in silence.

Get Connected is the UK’s free, confidential helpline for young people under 25 who need help and don’t know where to turn. Our service is available 365 days a year and young people can contact us by phone, webchat, email, text message or use our online directory, WebHelp 24/7.

When a young person gets in touch, one of our 100 trained Helpline Volunteers helps them explore their issues.  They offer emotional support and can let them know about appropriate sources of further specialist help from our database of 10,000 trusted organisations.

Visit www.getconnected.org.uk/get_help  for more information or call us free on 0808 808 4994

Chin Up, Don’t Let Them Know You’re Hurting.
You Can Do This. Believe In Yourself.

My Story.

29 Feb

I am going to tell my story here in a little more detail, there is too much to say for me to say everything but, here’s a bit of my story.

I was looking forward to high school, a new place, new people, new start.  I had a few friends that were going to the same school so i wasn’t too worried. On the first day we just got to know the other people in our tutor class and got shown around the school.
So many new faces. I am such a quiet person, and maybe i come across as an unfriendly person too, i’m not sure. But anyway, a few people took a ‘dislike’ to me. They just laughed at me and that didn’t really affect me too much, it made me self concious but it wasn’t really bothering me at the time because i just thought they would grow up and stop it.

In English lessons we had to read out loud to the rest of the class, English was my favourite lesson but then when we started to do this reading out loud things changed.  The people who didn’t really like me started to laugh while i was reading and make comments about me. The teacher just shouted at them which stopped them for that lesson but the next time was the same. The teacher used to choose who would read so i’d pretend to already be reading or to be busy so that she wouldn’t pick me.
In our Food Tech lessons they would throw food at me, throw flour in my hair etc. Stare at me, laugh at me, make comments. If i was asked a question they would just laugh if i got the answer wrong and say that i was stupid.

I’d go into the school canteen to get my dinner and they would make comments saying that i was fat. In the end i started to go to the library instead because i knew they never really went in there. When they walked past the library they would shout through the door and call me a ‘boffin’. I tried to stay away from them as much as i could. When the bell went for the start of next lesson i’d have to walk past them, they would put their feet out infront of me to try and trip me up, or they would push me against the wall or against other people.

I’d also walk down the corridor and have comments made at me, they’d say i was ugly, a slag, fat, useless, waste of space, and so many other things. Some of the people that made comments didn’t even know me, they hadn’t been in a class with me, they didn’t even know my name!

I had been told that i was fat so many times, i cut down on how much i was eating and i started exercising a lot, after leaving sixth form my eating got worse. I haven’t been diagnosed with an eating disorder so i can’t say i have one, but i have lost a lot of weight because they said i was fat.

If they said things to me i wouldn’t reply, i’d just ignore them because that is what i had been told to do. At some point i decided that just ignoring them wasn’t working so i said something back to them, after this they got worse, they just kept repeating the thing that i had said to them.

The bullying didn’t stop when i got home, it would happen online too, people would make fake facebook profiles and add me, they would make statuses about me, put pictures up of someone they thought was ‘ugly’ and tag me in them, make profiles about me, spread more rumours about me, it never stopped.
One day i went out for a walk at night so i could phone the samaritans, i went to my local park so i could be alone and so no one could hear me, i heard some people talking so i started walking home, they started to shout at me saying “what the fuck are you doing here you ugly bitch” they started to walk behind me so i started walking faster, they were still shouting at me, calling me a lot of names, they started running after me swearing at me, there was a big group of them and only one of me. They were so close to catching me but i made it home before they could.
Another day i was in the park with a friend and these people were just walking into the park as we were going to walk out, they stood at the gate and held it closed so we couldn’t get out, they were just standing there not letting us leave, they started to make comments about us, i just ignored them and waited for them to let us leave.

One year i lost all of my friends because of rumours that were being spread about me, i spent a few months alone and not having anyone to talk to. I’d see my ‘friend’s’ in lessons but they had turned into bullies now too, they made comments about me. In the end it got sorted out by a teacher but i still can’t forget what happened with them.

I had a cousin that was in the same year as me but he was totally different to me, he was ‘popular’ and i wasn’t. He was in one class with me, i’d try to speak to him but he would ignore me because he cared more about his popularity than his family. He thought that if he was seen talking to me that would affect his ‘popularity’. He would laugh along with the comments made about me, and sometimes he would make his own. When he found out that i had been in a car crash he said he didn’t care.

So many times i had been to teachers to try and sort this out, i’d been to so many different teachers. One teacher told me  they couldn’t help because they weren’t in my class, another said to just ignore them. In year 11 it started getting worse again, i had been in a car crash, and had a few weeks off school, when i got back i was told that it ‘would of been good if you died’ and at some point i was also told that i deserve to die.
After everything i had been through with these people i started to get really low, and i started to self harm. I started getting thoughts of suicide, and sometimes i had acted on them. I was given counselling, and then because of my ‘suicidal and self harming behaviours’ i was referred to CAMHS (Child and adolescent mental health service) where i was finally diagnosed with depression and social anxiety which i still suffer with now.

I finished my GCSE’s and then i did one year of sixth form where i was still being bullied, after the first year of sixth form i decided not to go back for the second year because of the bullying. I couldn’t put myself through another year of that. I was also too scared to go to college or to get a job, so at the moment, i am doing nothing, no job, no education, and this is why i wish there was a place like Red Balloon for people 18+.

Although i have been through all of this and so much more that i haven’t wrote about, i wouldn’t change my past at all, it has made me who i am today, and it has made me meet all of the amazing people i have met on twitter. The bullies made me a better person!

“You Can’t Help People”

9 Feb

Today i got told that i can’t help people when i’m not very well (with depression etc) but then i thought, the reason why i am helping people is because i’m not very well. The bullies are the people that have caused me to be unwell, therefore i want to raise awareness of what the long term affects of bullying are.

The bullying can stop but the affects of what happened to you can last forever. Just because i am unwell it won’t stop me trying to help stop what caused me to become unwell. Doing this blog helps me anyway because there is a chance it may help someone, even if it just helps one person, that’s all i want.

Depression, anxiety, self harm, suicide, low self esteem, eating disorders etc, all of these can be caused by bullying.

“Its stormy now but the sun’s gonna shine again
Even the worst storms gotta end
We’re better if we weather it all (yeah)
Together we’re never gonna fall ♫”
(Stormy by Hedley)

Bullying needs to be stopped, and together we can stop it.
Stay strong and keep fighting.

You Are Not Alone. Some Statistics.

6 Feb

You are never going through this alone. So many other people are going through it too.

Bullying in school.
– 69% of children in the UK report being bullied
– 87% of  parents report that their child had been bullied in the past 12 months
– 85% had witnessed bullying
– It is estimated that at  least 20 children and adolescents a  year commit suicide because of being bullied
– 1 in 3 young people  who experience bullying truant from school
– 20,000 young people  truant everyday as a result of bullying
(Statistics from Beatbullying.org)

And it isn’t just children and young people being bullied..

Bullying in the workplace
– 18.9 million working days are lost each year as a direct result of workplace bullying
– More than two million people at work consider themselves as being bullied
– 43.5% of employers do not have a policy to deal with workplace bullying
– 82.2% say that weakness in management is the prime reason for bullying
(Statistics from personneltoday.com)

These statistics might even be wrong because a lot of people keep quiet about bullying, or don’t think that they are being bullied when really they are.

Bullying leads to suicide, self harm, eating disorders, people running away and lots of other problems. When is it going to stop?

Stay Strong.
You are better than the bullies.